Copyright
HarperVoyager
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
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London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk
First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2020
Copyright © Nate Crowley 2020
Maps by Nicolette Caven
Graphic icons and infographics © Shutterstock.com
Cover illustration © Rob Ball/The Artworks Ltd
Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2020
Nate Crowley asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780008306861
Ebook Edition © July 2020 ISBN: 9780008306878
Version: 2020-09-29
Dedication
For Thalassa
I hope you find magic wherever you look.
CONTENTS
COVER
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT
DEDICATION
KEY TO SYMBOLS
PUBLISHER’S NOTE
INTRODUCTION
EDITORIAL NOTE
MITTELVELDE
EROICA CITY
SPUME
CHUGHOLME
SPACE
GRONDORRA
MUNDANIA AND WHIMSICALIA
WASTELAND
WEST
PUBLISHER’S NOTE
FOOTNOTES
AFTERWORD
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
PUBLISHER’S NOTE
As you will know, for a short period some years ago, hundreds of new planets became accessible to mankind. The Worlds, as they were called, were places where magic appeared to be real; where humans lived alongside strange creatures, and where the impossible was commonplace. Until last year, it was thought that not a single piece of travel writing about the Worlds had survived. And then, in a filing cabinet acquired from the bankruptcy of a small London vanity press, we found Notes From Small Planets. It was the work of one Floyd Watt, a former diplomat, journalist and television personality, who had hoped to rekindle his fame with this extraordinary travel guide. But Floyd fell into a bitter dispute with his editor, Eliza Salt, and just eight chapters into his work, he went missing. Eliza herself disappeared two weeks later, and shortly after, the Worlds themselves vanished. Floyd, Eliza and Notes were all forgotten.
At least now, incomplete though it is, this work has finally seen the light of day. For fidelity’s sake, we have reproduced Floyd and Eliza’s marginalia as footnotes; their robust exchange of views only add colour to an already vivid account, of lands at once exotic and strangely familiar. In the pages that follow, you will learn about the cultures, the landscapes and the histories of eight worlds we shall never visit again. We’ve even taken the liberty of including excerpts from Floyd’s own notebooks, and commissioned maps and illustrations based on his own … spirited sketches. Floyd might not be the chronicler we would have chosen for these lands, but he’s what we’ve got. And though we can’t follow physically in his footsteps, we have done all we can to make the journey as easy as possible for the mind’s eye. So, bon voyage: and as Floyd himself was so fond of saying, ‘Don’t think about any of it too hard’.
— Happy travels
INTRODUCTION
by Floyd Watt
Hail traveller, and well met!
I wanted to start by telling you a little about myself and my career. However, I can’t, since my esteemed editor Ms Eliza Salt has cut the lot, on the basis that this was ‘a guidebook, not [my] fucking autobiography’. Charming.[1] It was only sixteen pages – barely touching on my diplomatic work, let alone my time in the national press – but there we go. No point in crying over spilt life lessons, eh?
No indeed, reader. Why dawdle in what’s gone before, when there’s so much ahead of you? And gosh, there is a lot ahead. The Worlds are … well. People say a lot of things about the Worlds, but as with so many things in life, the best way to find out is to jump in without really listening to what anyone says, and learn by getting your hands well and truly dirty.
That’s been my modus operandi ever since my school days at Saint Beef’s Academy for the Brave (ah, halcyon youth …), and it’s always seen me land on my feet, no matter how dicey the situation. Whether by my charm, wits or wealth of ‘street smarts’,[2] I’ve made my way safely through every one of my globe-trotting adventures. And now, intrepid reader, all of that hard-fought experience is yours to draw on, via this handy little volume.
Before you do dive head-first into the Worlds, however, I will offer you one stern word of warning. While you’ll find much in the Worlds to delight, tantalise and inspire, you’ll also find plenty of unsavoury elements: dirty places, nasty people and repulsive customs. If you’ve any sense, you’ll know to pluck the best from what’s on offer and ignore the muck. Luckily, I’ve walked the path before you, so you can rely on me to separate the baddies from the goodies, and steer you away from less-pleasant locales.
Even if much about the Worlds remains a mystery, I like to think they show us just what we could achieve as a species if anything were possible. And indeed, with the sheer amount of resources and open space the Worlds offer, perhaps anything is possible now. It all starts with curious travellers.
So what are you waiting for? Get out there and leave some boot prints – and don’t forget to bring home some good souvenirs!
— Floyd Watt
EDITORIAL NOTE
by Eliza Salt
I had once hoped to produce travel writing of my own. But we can’t always choose our fortunes, so instead I’ve had the pleasure of editing Floyd’s. I suppose he’s the man for the job. Indeed, who better than a disgraced diplomat with a drinking problem
