I shall do my level best to help him – or at least to provide damage limitation. Because although Floyd would have you believe it’s my job to stop him having any ‘fun’ (which is rubbish, since he does what he likes no matter what I say), it really is my pleasure to bring you this guide. To open the door to a whole suite of other realities, both for seasoned travellers and first-timers, is one hell of a privilege. Well, a purgatory of a privilege. Exploration has not been easy, especially when you’re teamed up with a man who wants to sell bootleg cigarettes to line his own pocket and starts civil wars like other people open bags of crisps.[2] But despite all of it, I feel like I’ve learned something important.
Like Floyd, I think the Worlds outlined here really do show what we could achieve as a species; both good and bad. Many of them, indeed, are brimming with hope, excitement and frivolity. But even the cheeriest among them still reflect our own history, whether through their propensity toward war, their glorification of colonial endeavour, or their harsh enforcement of gender ‘ideals’. They’ve taught me that, even in places where magic is real and resources are virtually limitless, people will still find reasons to be complete shits to one another. It’s a good reminder that sometimes, you have to stop finding excuses to explain away the things that aren’t right – either with yourself or the society you live in – and start to just make things better.
In your journey through the Worlds, maybe you’ll find the same, and see not just the wonders, but the places where we can learn from reflections of our own mistakes. You’ll also, no doubt, have plenty of opportunities to learn from Floyd’s mistakes as well. The man’s a disaster.[3]
Good luck.
— Eliza Salt
1. WELCOME TO MITTELVELDE
Mittelvelde is fantasy. Packed with folk just human enough to socialise with, but not quite too human to stab, it’s the quintessential escapist destination. Its mountains are vast and icy, its woods deep and dark, and its Orcs intimidating yet reassuringly defeated. It’s a place both strange and familiar: no matter where you wander in this myth-clogged land, you won’t feel lost.
Why Mittelvelde?
Mittelvelde was one of the first of the Worlds to be discovered, and to many it still can’t be beaten. Its enduring popularity is thanks in part to its unique cultures, and in part to its mind-shattering landscapes: from the sun-dappled lowlands of Rannewicke to the forbidding caverns of Kranagar, this land leaks grandeur like the back end of a poorly cat leaks shit.
There are critics who say the place has lost its shine already, becoming the epitome of the ‘beaten track’. And there’s some truth in this: especially with the Elves gone, the place has taken on a definite ‘death of magic’ vibe. Mythical creatures – once so common they would beg for food at campsites – are getting thin on the ground, and genuine Wizards are now outnumbered by bedraggled con men looking to string people along for drug money.
But the wonder is still there, if you know where to look. With the possible exception of the region known as Fysteros[1] – where magic is dead but the body’s still being kicked – Mittelvelde is still rife with hidden gems.[2] And it’s only becoming easier to see the best of this world. The infrastructure projects being pushed by the Bison King of Tharn have fostered a burgeoning tourist economy, while his victory in the War of the Haunted Mace – and the consequent signing of the Pact of Grimlakk – has opened up the ‘exotic’[3] Orcish culture to travellers.
Mittelvelde remains a timeless destination, and a perennial classic: if you want to travel in fantastic worlds, you owe it to yourself to see this one first.
WHY I LOVE MITTELVELDEby Keith Swiftblade, tour guide & ranger
I’ve spent three years in Mittelvelde, and it already feels like home. I used to be a recruitment consultant, but these days I’m more at home tracking Ettins across the plains of Syrillar than cajoling people into office jobs. There’s just nothing like watching a sunrise over the shattered stones of an Elven beacon for lifting the spirits, and there’s no better night out than mead and roast venison in the halls of the Bison King. But most of all, I love the proud and traditional nature of the Mittelvelder people themselves. This is a land so tangled in myth you can’t walk ten feet without meeting someone whose great grandfather kicked the guts out of an Orc warlord, and who has a twelve-verse drinking song to commemorate the occasion. If you’ve ever felt burdened with the sensation that your life is a bit empty, Mittelvelde will rejuvenate you: here, even getting up in the middle of the night to piss feels faintly epic. My friend, this destination bows to no other.
‘Can’t Miss’ Experiences
1 Duel a dragon
Nothing typifies the fantasy experience more than going toe to toe with a ten-ton reptile that absolutely loves money. And while dragons might be scarcer than they used to be,[4] a decent guide can still track one down for you. It’s not the safest pursuit, but with mercenary bands growing more affordable and fire-resistance charms widely available, it’s an increasingly survivable business.[5] Advanced excursionists may even wish to attempt the latest trend in adventure travel: pretending to be a Wizard and bullying a group of hapless nobodies into a harrowing cross-continental odyssey, before making them fight a dragon while you basically just watch.
2 Meet a long-forgotten heir to a throne
Mittelvelde is a land bristling with ancient kingdoms, and each one has an impossibly convoluted line of succession. Add to that
