— TESTIMONIALS —
I had a lovely week staying with a Sorcerer who’d converted the bottom of his tower into a B&B. It was a bit weird when I went to the kitchen for a glass of water at 3 a.m. and found him sewing a hyena’s head onto a man’s body, dripping glowing fluid onto the stitches. But everyone’s got to have a hobby, you know?
— Rex Blap, 42, Sales Consultant
By Grum, it’s hard to remember there was another life, once. I was weak then; a fool, in thrall to some manner of recruitment business. A few of ‘the girls’ decided to go on holiday to celebrate Siobhán’s divorce; thought they’d go somewhere with lots of oil and muscles. Pah! They knew not the glory of Grondorra! And yes, muscles and oil are a large part of that glory, but there’s so much more. Those so-called friends betrayed me: I ended up enslaved, chained to a millwheel for ten years, where I developed my astonishing physique. But it was not only my magnificent thighs that grew strong during that gruelling decade: so too did my mind. I learned the error of trusting in your friends – of trusting in anything except the steel in your own heart. Eventually, I grew strong enough to break free, using the millwheel itself to crush my captors, and now I wander the world, using this mighty disc of stone to secure everything I desire. Life on Grondorra is what I make of it, and so life is good! Now give me all of your possessions, or I will flatten your head with my millwheel.
— Janet the Batterer, Headwoman of the Crimson Jackals
1. WELCOME TO MUNDANIA
Once upon a time, this was one of the most picturesque, charming – dare one even say ‘twee’? – destinations among the Worlds: an ordinary place full of ordinary people, with a secret mirror-world of Wizardes. A fabulous tapestry, begging the curious to tug loose threads. Alas, that tapestry has … unravelled a bit. But the resulting mess offers a unique blend of grit and whimsy.
Why Mundania?
Mundania’s population has always been divided, thanks to its unique position as an entirely non-magical world laced with hidden regions where magic is emphatically real. The inhabitants of Whimsicalia, the magical world, are known as Wizardes,[1] and have always referred to their disenchanted counterparts as the Mundanes.
The real beauty of the situation was always that the Mundanes (with the exception of a regular trickle of gifted young people chosen to join the Wizardes) had no idea of the splendour existing right under their noses as they went about their drudgework, while the Wizardes could flit in and out of concealed Whimsicalia at will. To be their guest was like attending a speakeasy on a planetary scale: a drab exterior, revealing utter fabulosity to those with the password.
Alas, nothing lasts for ever. The awkwardness that transpired a few years ago was certainly unfortunate,[2], [3] but few would disagree that it was bound to happen sooner or later. And besides, with the ceasefire having held for more than a year now, and most Mundanes returned to blissful ignorance of their situation, tourists are once again free to enjoy the best of both worlds.
WHY MUNDANIA IS MAGIC TO MEBy Jenny Moonwish, Demolitions Expert for House Wurblyflop
I always knew deep down that I was special, but I didn’t realise just how special, until I got the letter. Looking back on it now, it seems unreal: I’d dropped out of college and was working at a recruitment consultancy, and one day this bat flies in and drops a scroll in my coffee. Says I’ve been summoned to a place called ‘Greeblewhoz’ (a magic school, apparently – how mad is that?) and that I’m to enrol as a matter of urgency. So I quit my job and head there, and I’ve not been there five minutes when this talking Skeleton gives me a scarf and tells me I’m in House Wurblyflop. I told the headmaster I thought I was a bit old to be starting school, but he said something about ‘making up the numbers’ and went back to frowning at his map. I’ve gotta say, my education was pretty brief – just a few weeks – and mostly focused on blowing stuff up. But it was blowing stuff up with magic! Floyd’s told me to skip over what happened after basic training, and that’s fine with me – our field trips were really scary. But things are looking up now; the trouble’s over, and me and my surviving housemates are proper Wizardes! We get to hang out with all kinds of magical creatures and get all the bunglebean juice we want. It’s a great painkiller. I know I can’t ever return home, but the way I see it, my real family are all here in Whimsicalia, and I’ll kill for them again if I have to.
I would be the last person to pretend this isn’t a destination with some wounds,[4] and I must stress that sensitivity to the recent upset should be at the top of anyone’s mind when touring Mundania. However, with the right paperwork and a good instinct for avoiding trouble, visitors will find this a singularly enchanting place, where anyone – or at least those with the right powers – can do amazing things.
‘Can’t Miss’ Experiences
1 Attend Wizarde school
The famed Greeblewhoz Academy has been training young Mundanes into magic users for centuries, and is a cornerstone of Wizarde culture – all the most famous Wizardes studied there, and nobody gets far in magical society without a ‘Greebs’ education. The
