Wildlife
As in Mittelvelde, dividing the fauna here between the categories of ‘wildlife’ and ‘people’ is difficult and controversial. It’s generally safe to say that if an animal doesn’t have a human vocabulary of more than a few-dozen words and isn’t fond of complex tool use, it’s probably not a person.[26] With that in mind, here are some of the fabulous creatures you can expect to encounter in the wilds of the magical world:
While they are a little smaller and less overtly murderous than the beasts found in some more grandiose destinations, Whimsicalia’s Dragons (Draconis Fabulosa) are undoubtedly the real deal, and can be found in a variety of environments depending on species.[27] Sadly, the population dwindled during the war, as scores of the things were unleashed over Mundane Albionus and got absolutely monstered by attack helicopters.
The small, brightly coloured Messenger Bats (Vespertilio Nuntius) are the mainstay of the Wizarde postal system,[28] and a bat summons was traditionally the means by which prospective students were recruited from the Mundane world, thanks to their ability to flit at will between worlds (this also led to some fairly dark experimentation with miniature incendiary devices during the war).
One of the few other animals able to travel between Mundania and Whimsicalia at its own discretion, the Gomdrinn (Detritovora Mensa) is a scavenging creature a little like an eight-foot-tall pangolin with butterfly wings, which can disguise itself as a coffee table if seen by a Mundane.
At first glance, the Grifter’s Platypus (Ornithorhynchus Criminalis) is not that different to its Mundane counterpart, save for its perpetually grubby-looking cream-coloured fur and the faint smirk on its duck-billed face. Where it really stands out, however, is in its capacity for theft – or ‘clever buying’, as keepers of the beasts affectionately call the habit. The Platypus will hoover up coins, gems and trinkets with merry abandon, storing them in a throat pouch with seemingly infinite capacity. Luckily, these pleasantly awful creatures saw only light duty during the war, just being released in Mundania to waddle round wealthy areas and cause mild economic disruption.
Probably around half of Whimsicalia’s magical wildlife is a Chimera of some kind – a mash-up of Mundane species, supposedly created by the Faeyrie at the beginning of the world. Sometimes the results are majestic: take the Taszrak (Tigris Aegypius), which is essentially a tiger with vulture wings and beak. Other chimera are more tragic. The Jurgle (Hippopotamus Catastrophus) – bless it – has the body of a hippo, but the head of a sparrow and the tail of a rat, while the abysmal Gurbo (Beastus Shittus) has a cheetah’s face slapped haphazardly onto the back end of a turkey with tortoise legs. It’s pathetic.
People
The Mundanes
The Mundane population of Mundania needs little introduction, since they are in essence much like you and me. Their culture is wholly pedestrian, bearing a remarkable resemblance to our own society, and stumbles along largely as it did before the war, thanks to the Forgettening.[29] They have supermarkets and crap cars and a system of local government entirely preoccupied with disputes over bins. They have hopes and dreams and rich inner lives – but let’s face it, you’re not travelling to Mundania to watch a load of people sitting on sofas eating chips, are you?
Wizardes
Whether you love them or loathe them, the Wizardes are the stars of the show on Mundania. They are a civilisation that has grown up as a reflection of another, and which has always defined itself as something more carefree, more whimsical and more fun than the drudgery of its counterpart. Now, however, that whimsy has the air of a clown’s tears. Watching the gnomish Professor Fleepdrop deliver a lesson on alchemy in his baggy mauve pantaloons, it’s easy to be carried away by delight at the man’s buffoonish energy as he capers with hands full of reagents. But then the smell drifting from a flask will remind him of the burns ward after the Battle of Whizzbang Lane, and his face will drop, haunted by the screams of the colleagues he left behind.
Magic-adjacent peoples
Although it can be easy to overlook them in favour of the tribulations of Mundania’s human population, the purely magical inhabitants of this world are at least as numerous as their hominid counterparts (even taking the Mundane population into account), and were the original inhabitants of Whimsicalia.
The Faeyrie: The original masters of magic and the oldest friends of the Wizardes, the Faeyrie are now very rarely seen outside of their deep forest glades. Although they are said to be astonishingly beautiful, few can tell the truth of the matter, since they wear heavy silk shrouds concealing their bodies. Only their strange antlers and silvery hands protrude from these garments, with long fingers constantly fiddling with cat’s cradles of magical light.
Bogberts: These wheezing, diminutive green creatures look like self-portraits drawn by very old men with even less artistic talent than self-esteem, and are nearly ubiquitous in Wizarde society. Indeed, as long as there have been Wizardes, there have been Bogberts waiting on them hand, fist and foot.
KNOW YOUR WIZARD(E)S
It’s all too easy to presume that magic users are the same across all the Worlds – but don’t be fooled! Here’s a handy guide to telling apart Wizards from Mittelvelde and Wizardes from Whimsicalia.MittelveldeWhimsicaliaPronunciationWizz-’rds.Wih-zaahds.HatsConical, floppy, battered.Sometimes fezzes, sometimes floppy velvet ones, sometimes trilbys with feathers.AestheticPosthuman vagrant.Extreme, eccentric wealth, portrayed entirely through charity-shop purchases.Tools of the tradeGnarled staffs, filthy
