He pushed himself off his desk and closed the space between us, instantly grabbing my arm in a gentle but firm grasp.
“I said, stop!!” He yelled, and the familiar tension was back.
We stood facing each other in silence, and I felt like that same girl I was five years ago again.
The girl who was pining after her best friend and letting herself read to much into his actions, as if they meant something.
They didn’t though.
I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. I was stronger than that now. “What, Ty? Does it bother you to know I’m not some fragile girl anymore? Well tough! I grew up.”
He glared at me. “You don’t get it do you?”
“Don’t get what? That you hate being reminded that I’m a girl, and not just one of the guys. That you hate sharing your best friend? I get it, Ty. I always have.”
He stared at me. “It's not like that!” He took a deep breath and exhaled. “It's just the very thought of you being with someone, it kills me.”
“Why?” I pressed him, in irritation.
“What do you want me to say, Ry? That I’m jealous? That every damn minute I’m with you, I want you? Fine, I admit. I want you now, and I wanted you then. So badly, that I can’t breathe sometimes unless I get to touch you.”
My heart raced. “Ty…”
He interrupted me, “that doesn't change the fact that our friendship means more to me then that. Relationships are temporary. I wanted you in my life forever, Ry.”
It was the first time he’d every admitted to feeling anything for me, and I didn’t want to let myself believe it. It scared me to much.
“That night, when I saw you with Crystal, I was devastated.” I admitted, for the first time out loud. “I left because I needed space, so I could get over you. I couldn’t let you hurt me anymore.”
There, the truth was out.
He looked up, and I couldn’t help but to let my eyes drop to the ground.
“Get over me?” He questioned.
“Don’t act like you didn’t know, everyone knew. Plus, you were always so quick to remind me we were only friends, every damn chance you got.” I went to pull away, but he held me there, pushing my chin up to force my gaze to find his.
“Ry, look at me.”
I gave in, casting my eyes up to his.
“I know I didn’t always acknowledge the things that happened between us. It wasn’t because I didn’t think about them, it was just because I didn’t want to hurt you. What if things ended badly? I'm not a good boyfriend, Ry. As much as I enjoyed everything we did together, it will never be enough to chance losing you again. The one time I gave into it, I lost you for five years afterwards.”
I just stared at him. “Gave into what?”
“Ry,” he whispered my name. “You're beautiful, smart, you make me laugh, and I...,” he paused. “I care about you more than anyone else in the world. Of course, I wanted you, but I only ended up hurting you.” He swallowed. “I swear to you, nothing happened that night with Crystal. She wanted things to happen but I was to fucked up, over you, to even acknowledge her existence.”
I felt my eyes welling up. I glanced around the room, away from him, to get my bearings again.
“Say something.” He prodded.
I looked up at him, the tension lingering between us again as we stared at each other. I was so tired of being that girl, the one who didn’t speak up for what she really wanted.
“Kiss me.” I whispered into the silence.
I felt him still. “Ry, I...”
“I’m not asking, Ty. Kiss me.”
Maybe this is all we’ve really needed. I was leaving in a few days and this was an opportunity to finally stop dwelling on the ‘what ifs' of Tyler Watson.
To finally get him out of my system.
“Are you sure?” He asked, but his hands were already on my waist, pulling my hips against his, waiting for me to give him even the faintest green light.
“It’s been five years. I’ve tried to stay angry at you, tried to forget you, and even tried to avoid you. Yet, none of it worked.”
“I need to know you’re sure, Ry.” He repeated. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
He wanted me to promise him that one kiss wouldn’t cost us everything, something I couldn’t do.
“I leave tomorrow night. So, I can’t promise what one kiss will cost us. I just know if there is a chance, that drowning myself in you will free me of all this torment, then I’m willing to risk it.”
Chapter 14
Tyler
I was supposed to tell her it was a bad idea, and that if we went down this rabbit hole all we would do is end up where we started.
Conflicted, hurt, and apart.
Yet, she was leaving tomorrow, and I’d be without her again. That was a fact.
Ryder was going to leave again.
The reminder hit me dead in the chest and I immediately yanked her towards me.
“Let’s drown, together.”
I pressed my mouth against hers in one quick instant and the second I felt the softness of her lips along mine, I groaned. I parted my mouth against hers and swept my tongue out to find her.
I felt her moan vibrate against our lips and I couldn’t contain a growl that left my chest.
Fuck, I’d forgotten how good she tasted.
Suddenly, I felt like I’d been on auto pilot for the last five years of my life and now I was alive again. The need to have her was so intense that I’d forgotten anything else existed
