“Youse bet,” he said with a nod. “Howevers, it’s lookin’ to me that Willow might have a few new qua-leaf-ications that might help save the day. Might be a little ex-tree-me, but it’s not es-tree-onage.”
“Of course, my cats speak tree,” Zelda muttered.
“Wait. I can do something to end this?” I asked, surprised. Maybe my siren abilities were the answer. “Do you want me to sing and send the slugs into an orgasmic tizzy? Will that make them goo themselves to death?”
“I could think of worse ways to die,” Sassy mused.
“Umm… not gonna to touch that,” Zelda said with a groan. “But when all this shit is over, I’m touching everything.”
“Whiles I would find a humpin’ slug show very arousing,” Fat Bastard said with a waggle of his kitty brows. “Dem broads is immune to their own venom. I was talkin’ about the sap.”
“Sap?” I asked, confused.
“What sap?” Fabio demanded.
“Look at dat freakass magical glow,” Fat Bastard said, pointing at me. “The dryad is full of it.”
Zach’s eyes narrowed. “Did you just insult my mate?” he demanded.
“Absofuckinlutely not,” Fat Bastard replied, putting his little paws in the air. “Youse been in a tree lately named Nancy Lee?”
“I have,” I said, still not following.
The crazy cat chuckled. “Dat tree is a hoot,” he said. “If that wooden broad was a cat, I’d get jiggy with her in a hot sec.”
“Does that pertain to anything relevant in our current situation?” Zelda snapped, glaring at her familiar.
“Umm… no,” he admitted. “But Nancy Lee just so happens to have the sappy antidote to slug venom.”
“What the heck are the chances of that?” I asked, shocked and freaking relieved.
“Pretty damn good,” Fabio mused. “Slug Shifters are tree killers. It makes sense that the trees would create some kind of magical defense.”
None of this made sense, I thought, as I tried to process what Fat Bastard meant about my sap.
Jango tapped a claw to the side of his nose and winked. “Dat Fate works in mysterious ways.”
“Shit.” Fabio shuddered, glancing around in alarm. “Is she here?”
“Is who here?” Zach asked, confused.
“Never mind bout dat,” Fat Bastard said. “What’s important is dat Willow can sap all youse fuckers and den youse will be immune to the poison for thirty-six minutes.”
“That’s kind of exact.” I flexed my fingers, still unsure of what Fat Bastard expected from me. “Just thirty-six minutes?”
All three cats shrugged. “Dems the instructions weese was told.”
“Sap us,” Zach insisted before I could ask the cats where they got the directions. “They’re close to lighting the fire.”
I had no clue how to sap everyone, but that wasn’t about to stop me. I hoped it didn’t hurt like when Nancy Lee had given me a power boost, but it didn’t matter. No pain. No gain.
“Okay, I have no clue what I’m doing, but I’m gonna do it anyway,” I told my friends. “Close your eyes just in case the sap sprays everywhere, please.”
“Crap,” Sassy muttered. “I just got the applesauce out of my hair. Sap is gonna be a bitch to remove.”
“Hush, my love,” Jeeves said, squeezing her hand. “It’s far better than dying. Plus, just think of it as syrup.”
“Ohhhh,” Sassy said with a little shimmy. “Like when I covered you in syrup and licked it off?”
“TMI,” Zelda said with an eye roll. “I really don’t want to have to remove your mouth. You feel me?”
Sassy giggled and gave her BFF a thumbs up.
“Once we’re sapped, I’m going straight for Mae Blockinschlokinberg,” Zach said.
“I'll get Zorro,” I said, insistently.
Zach nodded. “Mac and Zelda can help you, then move him to safety.”
“Whatever it takes to get him away out of harm's way,” I agreed. After, I would join Zach in a Blockinschlokinberg slugfest. Whether he wanted my help or not. My place was by his side.
“I have my broom,” Sassy said. “Jeeves and I can fly him out. I’m not sure he would survive poofing out of here in his state.”
Zach nodded and Zelda patted Sassy’s back.
“Brilliant,” Zelda told her.
“It was?” Sassy asked, delighted.
“Totally,” I confirmed.
“I’ll go with Sassy and Jeeves,” Fabio said. “Zorro will need to be healed. My house is a mile from here. We’ll take him there.”
“Can you place a protection spell around the house?” Zach asked without looking at his father. His eyes were glued to every move Mae Blockinschlokinberg made.
“Indeed, I can,” Fabio said.
“Weese will just mosey on in and kick some slug ass,” Fat Bastard said as his cohorts nodded their agreement.
“Andwewilltietheminknotsandremovethierinnardsandshovethemuptheirasses,” one of Sassy’s sons announced.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked.
“No one knows,” Sassy said, patting her son on the head lovingly. “But trust me, it was violent.”
“Excellent,” Mac said, moving up next to Zach. “Zelda, you ready to pop some slugs?”
“Hell. To. The. Yes,” she said in a steely tone. “Willow, after you sap us—which we will hopefully survive...” Zelda winked and grinned at me. “Can you guide the trees to encircle the area so not even one slug can escape?”
“Will do,” I said. “But my battle goal is Zorro’s safety first. Period. If Mae Blockinschlokinberg and her posse get away, I don’t give a shit as long as we save Zorro. After that, I’m going in as Zach’s second. And if it comes down to it, and Mae Blockinschlokinberg escapes, Zach and I will hunt her down till the end of time. We clear on the mission?”
I warmed as Zach's gaze held mine with so much pride and love, I thought I would burst. “You’re a badass,” he said.
“I’m your badass,” I reminded him then glanced around. “Everyone good?”
“Youse bet your soon to be sapped ass we are,” Fat Bastard said, giving me a little kitty thumbs up. Zelda and the others nodded.
Fat Bastard clicked his claws. “Oh, forgot to tell youse. The investor is on the way.”
“That’s fine,” I said, mentally thanking the Goddess for small favors. “We can pay him back all his money when this is over. Sassy ate
