“And I pooped it out,” Sassy announced. “It’s in the septic system now. Mae Blockinschlokinberg will never find it.”
There was a brief moment of silence.
“Mmkay,” I said, blocking the visual of what Sassy had just overshared out of my brain and sized up our small force. “Close your eyes and get ready to be sapped.”
“You go girl,” Zelda said. “You’ve got the balls to make it happen.”
“Don’t need balls,” I said with a quick smile at Fabio. “Va-jay-jays are far superior.”
“Duuuuude, you are my kind of chick,” Zelda said with a grin as she closed her eyes.
Channeling Nancy Lee and her lovely giggle, I waved my hands and said a quick prayer to the Goddess to help me sap my friends with protection from the slug venom.
The Goddess heard me.
The tingle started in my toes and shot right to the top of my head—the very same way I’d shot to the top of the tree. A lightly scented spring breeze blew and I felt magic leave my fingertips and float to the ones I adored. I heard the squishy gasps of surprise and slowly opened my eyes.
“Sweet Goddess in a thong,” I choked out, trying not to laugh.
It was as if I’d pulled a Zelda with her pancakes. Everyone—including me—was covered from head to toe in gooey sap.
“At least it smells good,” Zelda grumbled.
“Tastes good too,” Sassy said, licking her finger.
“Nope,” I said, giving her a look. “You can’t eat it until we’re done. If you eat it, it won’t protect you. Got it?”
“Roger that,” Sassy said. “But you should bottle and sell this shit. It’s awesome! I would slather Jeeves in it any day of the week. We could call it Seduction Sap. That’s German for yummy foreplay goo.”
“Noted,” I said with a wince then glanced over at my beautiful sap covered mate who I wouldn’t mind licking from head to toe once this was over. “You ready?”
Zach nodded, his eyes filled with determination. “Born ready. On three we go.”
“One,” I said.
“Two,” Fabio added.
“Three,” Zach said as we all shot from the bushes like bats out of hell.
Although, Hell would be too good for Mae Blockinschlokinberg and her mini-mes, but that was where we planned to send them.
Chapter Sixteen
The clouds turned black and rumbled with fury. The sunny afternoon had been replaced with an ominous darkness that made my sticky, sap covered skin crawl.
The fire had been lit and it roared beneath the iron kettle holding one of the most precious people in my life. Zorro’s body spasmed in agony as the magical fire heated the iron and brought the water to a quick and steamy boil. I sprinted like the wind to Zorro and pulled him from the blistering water. Squatting in front of the cauldron, I held him in my arms as Sassy, Mac, Jeeves and Zelda beat back the advancing venomous slugs.
I swallowed the scream that rose in my throat at Zorro’s near-death state and concentrated on what I was supposed to do. There could be no broken links in the chain. Calling to the trees was simple and quick. I marveled as they uprooted and formed an impenetrable barrier around the camp. The mighty oaks and pines were stunning amidst the horror happening around them. I bowed in thanks and they bowed right back.
The chipmunks sprinted around, creating havoc with each step they took. Sassy was correct. Her boys were violent—strangely adorable and completely out of control.
“Whatsatreesfavoritedrink?” one of them yelled to me as he slapped a few slugs with their own beige sandals.
I couldn’t believe it, but I understood him. “A tree’s favorite drink is root beer,” I shouted back.
All four chipmunks laughed hysterically and then proceeded to shred every single tent and all the possessions of slugs with their teeth in a matter of seconds. I made a mental note never to piss them off.
Mae Blockinschlokinberg’s crazed evil minions chanted and danced around the fire, thinking they could shove all of us into the kettle now. They moved like they had snakes in their pants. Actually, they did. Slugs were some serious gross.
Mae Blockinschlokinberg gulped back Zorro’s blood from the chalice like her life depended on it… or what little life she had left. Zach slowly approached her from behind as the cats flanked him ready to defend and attack.
Mac’s vicious roar as he shifted into his wolf sent the nasty freaky slug minions skittering around like they were on fire. I quickly moved Zorro to a safer spot—safe being a very relative word at the moment. But at least we were away from the boiling cauldron.
Sassy made setting the slugs on fire a reality. With a shriek that pierced my eardrum, she choked up on her broom and smacked the minions like they were baseballs and she was playing in the World Series. It was insane.
But then again, Sassy was insane—fabulously insane.
“Never wear black socks and beige sandals,” Sassy hissed as she knocked slug after slug into the roaring fire.
“Willow, let’s get Zorro out!” Zelda shouted over the wailing of the smoldering slugs. She reached for a limp Zorro. Mac, still in his wolf form, guarded her and gnashed his huge deadly fangs at any slug who dared to come near. “Sassy. Jeeves. Take Zorro. NOW.”
My heart and my burden lightened a little as Sassy and Jeeves hopped on Sassy's broom and zipped over to Zelda.
The red-haired Shifter Wanker carefully handed Zorro over to Jeeves.
“Hold on, kids. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride,” Sassy shouted as she flew them away. Fabio soared next to them and they disappeared from sight quickly.
It would be an oversimp-leaf-ication to say the battle was a breeze, but the main objective had been accomplished in the first three minutes. Zorro was on his way to safety.
We had thirty-three minutes to close the rest of the deal.
“I didn’t want that one anyway,” Mae Blockinschlokinberg screeched over the screaming of her burning minions. “It’s you I want.” She pointed
