“No fucking way,” I hissed.
Sprinting faster than I ever had, I launched myself at the woman who was trying to curse my mate. I was very aware that Zach wanted the honor of removing her head, but he might not get the chance if she completed the spell.
The cats appeared right next to me. For lumpy little things, they moved dang fast.
“Duck, Willow,” Fat Bastard yelled. “Boba and Jango are gonna throw me. I’m gonna land my fat ass in her mouth so she can’t talk.”
I was sure I’d heard him incorrectly, but I did as I was told. Zelda’s cats were some of the fiercest and most vicious fighters I’d ever come across. If they had a plan, it was probably good.
Or gross.
Definitely gross.
I had not misunderstood. Jango Fett and Boba Fett drop kicked Fat Bastard through the air. They certainly had strong hind legs and good aim. Fat Bastard’s ample ass was now wedged in Mae Blockinschlokinberg’s mouth. Waving my hands, I covered the certifiable feline oddballs in some extra sap. I didn’t want to risk Mae Blockinschlokinberg biting Fat Bastards’ ass and killing him.
Although, anything thrown at the cats ricocheted back on the attacker. Maybe that was their plan. However, with the large cat’s enormous bottom in her mouth, Mae Blockinschlokinberg wasn’t physically able to bite anything.
“They’re shifting,” Zelda shouted, slapping the slimy bugs off of her. “I’m gonna start popping. It’s gonna get messy.”
Zach grabbed Mae Blockinschlokinberg from behind and put his hands around her squat neck. Fat Bastard extracted his ass from her mouth and plopped down in front of her. Boba Fett and Jango Fett flanked him ready to insert his big bottom right back into her mouth at a moment's notice.
“Are there more of you than just those here?” Zach growled. “How many other abominations like you are out there in the world?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she burbled and hissed, slime and blood leaking from her lips.
The cats extended their nails and flashed them in her face. The chipmunks raced over wielding a bag of cellphones.
“Nomorethisisitcheckedtheirphonesthatoneistheleader,” one of Sassy’s boys said.
“What the hell did youse say?” Jango Fett asked.
“Hackedinfabiotaughtustotalloserslotsofpicturesofdeadvictimsletskillem.” The chipmunk pointed at Mae Blockinschlokinberg.
“But I thought you were vegetarians,” I said.
“Youse understood dat?” Fat Bastard asked, shocked.
I was a little shocked too. “I did. They’re all here. No more. Fabio also taught the chipmunks to hack and they found pictures of the dead victims. Mae Blockinschlokinberg is the leader. The brothers want to kill the slugs,” I said as the boys nodded spastically. “Whatever we do, we have to do it fast.” Time flies when you’re fighting for your life, and our time was almost up.
As if on cue, Zelda yelled, “We have two minutes.” She was covered in slug guts as she continued to pop slug after slug.
“Kill me,” Mae Blockinschlokinberg snarled. “See if I care. Henrietta Smith, my Queen, will save me.”
“No one can save you,” Zach said coldly. “Sadly, none of the people you killed will be able to enjoy your demise.”
“My death is my beginning,” Mae Blockinschlokinberg bellowed, turning purple in her rage. “Those whose blood I drank should feel honored by their sacrifice.”
“Gonna go out on a limb and say you’re wrong,” I said.
Mae Blockinschlokinberg glared at me and bared her teeth. “I hear dryad blood is tasty. I will come for you and make you my blood slave along with Zach just like my Queen did. I will destroy you and everything you love—Zorro, your friends and those little babies you’re so fond of. Their blood will be delicious. I will own all of you for eternity. All of you lessers will die violently by my hand after I gorge on your blood and become unstoppable. I will tear out your entrails and eat them with a spoon and a nice chianti. I shall rule the world, you lowly pieces of shit.”
Fat Bastard rolled his eyes and raised his hand. “Hey Zach, wesse is down to one minute here. If Mae Blockinschlokinshitforbrains is done monologuin’, you should probably get to the head rippin’ part. Youse feel me?”
Zach glanced sadly over at the pile of victims and looked up to the sky for guidance from the Goddess. A sliver of sunlight burst through the black clouds and a light sprinkling of sparkling silver rain fell from the sky. The Goddess cried for the ones who could no longer fight for themselves.
“Do you have any last words?” Zach demanded. “Are you sorry for what you have done? Repent now and the Goddess might show you mercy.”
“Your Goddess is nothing,” Mae Blockinschlokinberg hissed as spittle dripped down her chin and her eyes were wild. “I am the Goddess.”
“Wrong answer,” Zach said flatly as he quickly and efficiently ended the vile life of a woman who never should have existed with one incredibly strong head twist. It wasn’t bloody. It wasn’t loud.
The self-proclaimed slug queen went down with a crazed smile on her face as if she had a secret. She was whack-a-doodle.
And she was gone.
“Ding dong the blood-thirsty bitch is dead,” Zelda said, walking over and glancing down emotionlessly at the body of Mae Blockinschlokinberg. “How do you feel?” She looked at Zach.
He shook his head. “I’ve never ended a life,” he said, staring at the woman lying on the ground. “I feel relieved. I don’t feel bad and I don’t feel good. I did what had to be done to protect the people I love and to avenge those who no longer need anyone's protection.”
“Ending someone is never easy—no matter how evil,” Mac said, shifting back to human and pulling on some jeans. “Doing the right thing and then having to live with it can be difficult. However, if it’s me, or an unhinged lunatic murderer… I prefer me.”
“Dat one was batshit cray-cray,” Fat Bastard said. “Even the investor said she was.”
“The investor?” I asked.
“Yep, she’ll be here any minute now,” Fat Bastard started, then screeched a yeeeow when he
