And then he left. It was probably the most sophisticated thing I’d heard come from his mouth, but I also didn’t absorb it. Had he said it when I was sober, maybe. Shitty timing on his part.
Hours later, I was still at the bar, arguing with Rosa about what whiskey was made where.
“Jameson is Irish whiskey. It’s not made in Mexico,” I told her for the fourth time, flipping the coaster in my hand over and over again.
She stared at me and then ripped the coaster from my hand. “Regardless of where’s he’s made, Jameson is an asshole.”
“A hot asshole,” someone added. I glanced up from my whiskey and to the blonde standing in front of me. Olivia.
Rosa glared at Olivia. “He’s married,” and then she frowned at me, “and not looking for an open relationship. I tried already.”
Olivia held up her hands. “I’m just having a drink.”
Rosa wasn’t buying it, and neither was I. This chick smelled trouble in any relationship and she came running. “Uh-huh. And I reserve the right to refuse service.”
“Rosa,” I groaned. “Just give her a goddamn drink. It’s not like I’m taking her home later.”
“That you know of,” Olivia teased.
I glared at her. “Knock it off.”
I tried to ignore her, I did, but she was relentless.
My hand tightened around the glass, my eyes darting around the bar.
Dark lashes fluttered, sipping on her drink. “Want company?”
“Nope.”
She exhaled. “Too bad.”
My body tensed, shoulders stiff. I hid my annoyance by taking another drink. “You were never very good at taking a hint, were you?”
Her eyes widened. “I’m going to pretend you said that because you’re drunk.”
“Oh, but I didn’t.” My heart pounded at the way she was looking at me. It was my body’s way of saying “wake the fuck up and move away from her.”
She stared at me for several seconds and shook her head. “Where’s your wife?”
I watched Olivia’s face, assessing her intentions and knowing they weren’t pure. “Why don’t you just tell me what you want.”
“You.” She gave me a half-smile. “But something tells me that’s not on the table tonight.”
“It’s never been, and never will.”
“That’s a shame.” She leaned in closer, inches from my face and leaned away. “Let me buy you a beer.”
I let her. Not sure why, but I did, with no intention of it going anywhere.
She bit her lip. “Can you give me a ride home? My girlfriends left me here.”
Sighing, I reached for my keys on the bar and my phone. The one with a hundred missed calls from my wife. “That’s what an Uber is for.”
I left the bar, but I didn’t go home. I sat in my truck for hours, trying to untangle my head.
Servomotor – Class of motors that operates within a closed-loop system with respect to both position and velocity.
The day of my surgery came and went. Everything went smoothly. Not a single complication. I was in the hospital for about three days, and then free to go home. While Rager was there for the surgery and supportive, the day I came home from the hospital, he left to head to the shop and never came home that night.
On a day when I needed him the most, he disappeared.
I thought about the time my mom was going through this and the night Rager should up for me.
I needed some fresh air, and intended on finding my dad but I went walking instead.
Every time a doctor walked by, fear pricked my skin at what could go wrong.
As I wandered through the hospital, I found an empty corner and leaned against the wall. When I sat against that wall, it hit me. It was sudden, like a wrecking ball to my gut, a reminder of neglect and so many things unsaid between me and my mother. I was going to change that. She needed to know everything about me. I never realized, until then, that I needed her more than I ever thought.
I wanted her to know me in the ways I knew her. I knew her as the giggler, the lover of one man. The woman who stole the hearts of two little boys first and the one I looked up to. She was forty-seven. She was too young to die or go through any of this. This family couldn’t work without her. She was our window net, there to hold us all together.
There was never a time when she wasn’t there for any of us. Never had she shut me out and how had I treated her?
I made more of an effort this last year but I vowed to myself I was changing that now.
As I sat there against the wall, I saw a figure appear at the end of the hall walking toward me. I knew that walk.
He was the last person
