“But Willa.” Asa pulled his brows together, his forehead crinkling as he stared at the girl. “You don’t build yourself up by stepping on the shards of someone else’s remains. That’s not glory; you won’t feel better about yourself by putting somebody else down.”
Willa let out an aggravated noise, throwing her hands into the air in disbelief. “Are you deaf?” She was seething. “I basically just told you how my entire school life has been nothing but—”
Asa shook his head, cutting her off before she could ramble on. “I’m not talking about Isles.” When he used that affectionate nickname for her, something twisted in his gut. “I was talking about me.”
Willa blinked. All the frustration left her face, replaced by utter confusion. “I don’t understand.”
He offered her a small, sad smile. “When you first met me,” he reminded her, “did I deserve that treatment? Honestly?”
“I—”
“I can understand where you’re coming from,” he went on, “and I can see that this is all nothing but a defence mechanism. Maybe in a twisted way, your hatred towards Isla holds justification. But Willa, you’re so wrapped up in your loathing and all that anger that you don’t see Isla’s not the only one you’re condemning. And if you can’t see that, then you’re no different than her. In fact, the two of you could hit it off better than anyone else.” With a small shake of his head, he turned away and proceeded to exit the school.
Maybe the road to self-love was paved with baby steps—and maybe, just maybe, one of those tiny steps was acknowledging that you were treated in a way you weren’t supposed to be. Perhaps the bigger step would be letting that person know just like what Asa had done with Willa.
Perhaps Asa could be more, if he just freed his mind and body and soul from the shackles that he and he alone allowed people to imprison him with.
Perhaps.
28.
Just A Boy With Awestruck Eyes
Carmen’s head snapped up and her eyes landed on him, as if her senses were aware of his presence before she herself was.
How was that even possible? It couldn’t be considered normal for her to be so attuned to someone’s state of being. It couldn’t. It shouldn’t.
It made her want to both run in the other direction when her eyes sought him out amongst a crowd, but also towards him. Towards Asa. Always towards Asa. She pushed herself off the tree she’d been leaning against as she waited for him to walk out of those school doors. He’d taken so long that she’d wondered if he had already left. But there he was now, his rich cinnamon hair glinting with a touch of copper gold-like as the setting sun’s rays bounced off his messy strands. And then, as if the universe itself had commanded it, his eyes found hers.
Amongst the crowd in the parking lot, through the tiny gaps separating the several bodies walking between them, their eyes had met. Everything else ceased to exist.
Carmen felt her lips part and her nose inhale air, like that tiny moment before she’d start to say something. But words failed her. There was nothing she could have said, because right then, one of the clouds moved away, allowing the sun to shine a little brighter, its rays hitting Asa’s eyes, rendering them into a degree too painfully beautiful to be put into words.
Carmen felt her lungs collapse into a heap inside her. What was breathing again? She was sure she’d perfected that particular art over the course of her life, but here was a boy with the sun’s glow in his eyes who made her forget all that.
So, she did the one thing that would calm the hurricane in her ribcage, the one thing that reminded her to breathe again. She called his name.
“Asa.” It left her mouth in an exhale, as if she’d finally managed to swim above the waves for much-needed air. Because that was what getting lost in Asa’s eyes was like. It constricted your chest and ribs for there was no possible way to understand such raw beauty completely. It both rendered one immobile and yet, that very same beauty itself also served as a reminder to live, to breathe.
Breathe for another day, because if this one person alone could hold such wonder, then surely there must be so much more in this world to appreciate. Carmen would do anything to see it all.
He must’ve read her lips as she called his name, because he was beginning to walk in her direction.
He was walking towards her. Towards Carmen.
Asa was making his way to her, and Carmen wished, in that moment at least, that he’d learn to make his way to her in more than just the literal sense of the phrase. But that would take a miracle, and Carmen no longer believed in them.
When there was only a few more steps left for Asa to take to reach her, she began to walk over to cover the distance. Then they met, with the clouds moving in to cover most of the sun again, taking away the gold-like tinge to Asa’s hair and the sparkle in his eyes.
Even in the dull shade, she still saw Asa as a painting—a thousand shades of brown and gold. In that moment, Carmen realised how grand a museum she’d already built for him inside her mind. That should’ve frightened her, but seeing him as a work of art seemed to bring Carmen some quiet in her otherwise loud mind.
She’d always believed, right down to her soul, that art made up for her lack of light.
But here was that light: Asa.
But Asa was more than that. Asa was the embodiment of the sun in all its
