I ask Rek to take over the floor, but then the breeders are all called to a meeting, and I don’t. I just don’t know what to do. I feel as if I am stuck in a terrible place, and it’s all my fault.
The only way to set Callie free might be to hurt her.
The only way to free myself from her might be to hurt me too.
10
Callie
It’s so very hard for me to not break down. I want to. It’s pathetic. I don’t know Adir all that well, but I want to get to know him, and I want to think he’s better than the breeders, but he isn’t. He’s just like the rest of them. All they want to do is use their cocks, to shove them in us, to have pleasure. They don’t care who they impregnate. They just want the babies, and what do you want to bet they don’t even really want to be a parent to the babies? They just want the women to pump them out and then be ready to jump right back into bed so they can impregnate her again.
I don't know if I'm more upset with him or myself. After all, I know he's a guard. Adir's not a breeder. Getting involved with him in the first place shouldn't have happened, but he grabbed me, and… I don't know. I fell for him somehow, without even meaning to.
He wasn’t mine to fall for. That he’s sleeping around shouldn’t come as a surprise, not when you consider that he and I shouldn’t have slept together in the first place.
There’s a knock at the door.
I wipe a hand over my face. I’m not crying at least, but my face is probably all blotchy.
“Come in,” I whisper.
The door opens and in walks Captain Lara Barnes.
“Hi, Captain,” I murmur shyly. I dip my head, my long, chestnut-colored hair falling forward to cover half of her face. “I’m Callie Hinton.”
“Hi, Callie. How are you?”
“I’m okay.”
“Are you?” she asks softly. “Has something happened?”
Tears cover my eyes at her kindness, but I shake my head.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she prods, and I get the feeling she really wants to know the truth, that she’s not just asking because she feels like she has to.
But that doesn’t change anything for me. I don’t want to talk about it, not with her or Adir or anyone.
“No,” I whisper.
“I would like to help you, Callie, but I first need to know what’s going on.”
“I…” I sigh, and my shoulders drop. When I was little, I used to have a pet turtle. Shelldon would always duck his head into his shell when I would pick him up before popping his little head out. I feel like Shelldon, like I want to retreat into a shell.
“Take your time,” the captain urges.
I’m not sure where to start, what to say. She knows the drill, why we’re all here. She knows that the women are meant to be here for our uteruses.
What she doesn’t know is whether or not I’m here because of the lottery or because I volunteered.
“I don’t mind,” I murmur. “I don’t. Not really. I surprised everyone when I volunteered to come here.”
“You volunteered?” The captain sounds shocked, and I can’t blame her. Everyone back home thought I was crazy for wanting to leave, but during the war and after, I felt useless. I couldn’t do anything to help, which made me depressed. I’m not a fighter or a builder or anything at all like that. The Earth needs to be rebuilt, but I wasn’t sure what the future could hold for me there.
Not that I had any idea what the future would hold for me here on Kuria either.
And as far as everyone back home is concerned, they’re just acquaintances. The town had been destroyed, and we somewhat tried to stick together, but I just moved there a week before the Grots arrived. I had no friends there, and my family…
My family has never understood me. I’ve always been the quiet one, the one who doesn’t need to constantly talk about anything and everything. Making small talk is something I hate.
When I moved out of the house, my family and I lost touch. I tried to find them after the Grots' attack. They are all right. For the most part, their city had been spared. All they were worried about was the lack of electricity and entertainment and running out of beer. That's another difference. I'm a wine drinker, and beer makes me sick. Literally sick. I'm not sure why, but I just can't handle it. My brother Jack used to try to tempt me to drink it, would say he would give me twenty bucks if I would drink a bottle. The first time he offered that, I did try. I drank about a third before I got sick. He and my parents both think it's mind over matter, but it's not. It kind of serves as another separator between us, me versus them.
But they were all okay. They didn’t need me, and the idea just came to me. I wanted to do something to help. There’s one opportunity for women. Why not me?
“Yes,” I explain. “The Novans saved us. They need our help. Why shouldn’t I?”
“But…” Lara coaxes.
“No. No buts. I’m here.” I hesitate and blow out a sigh. “I’m doing my part. I know what I have to do.”
“All of it.”
She’s not really asking a question, but I’m willing to keep talking some. The captain’s just trying to do her job by talking to me. She’s here to make sure that the women are happy here, that we aren’t being abused at all or something like that.
“I know I have to orgasm,” I say slowly, “and I know I’m supposed to fall in love.”
“Yes. Has that been hard for you?” she asks.
“No.” The word comes out so quickly, but it’s
