“I know I didn't but I loved the thought of filling up your belly with you having a baby to feed.” She smiled ear to ear.
“I am really glad you took this better than I expected. I mean, I knew you would be supportive but I wasn't sure how you’d truly feel about it. Plus with Dad’s health issues now.”
I looked over my shoulder to see what she was doing. Mom stopped where she was and walked back to me. She took a seat beside me, taking my hand in hers.
“Emma, there would never be a time I wouldn't support you. Even if I didn't agree with your choice I would still support you. It is hard being a mother, and knowing what to say in certain situations. I know I have done things in the past to mess that up.”
“No you haven’t…I made bad choices…”
“You were a teen…I’m not going to tell you I wasn’t frustrated with you telling me you were pregnant, but that was because I wanted things to be easy for you. Easier than they were for me. If you remember, your grandmother was not happy that your father and I were seeing each other. Then when I got pregnant she about had a stroke.”
“I mean mistakes as an adult. I think I waited too long, was too picky. Played the field too long.”
“Of course I would have rather had you settle down earlier, but it is your life to live.”
I began to talk and tell her that, no, the pregnancy wasn't an ideal situation but that things would be fine. If God placed this baby in me it was for a reason. But I did agree that I wanted to be married, in a happy marriage and not having to figure out how I was going to be a single mother.
“But you are a stronger woman than I was.”
“I don’t know about that.”
She leaned back relaxing, almost looking off into space. The house was quiet with the screen of the television pulled up, waiting to make our selection of which movie we were going to watch together.
“I know you don't want to tell the father yet, which let me go on record saying, I am completely against, but also can I ask you one question?”
“Yes…”
“Do you love him? Or did you love him when you made this baby with him?”
“Yes, absolutely, I still love him.”
“Then?”
“I am not sure he is ready to be a father.”
“Do you honestly think a man is ever ready? I love your father… he is the best husband and father but he wasn't ready. Hell, I wasn't ready. You become ready when you hold that baby for the first time. You will never be prepared enough for a child.”
“Cash is selfish, he has gotten a lot better but I don't want to pretend he would want this.”
“You never know… stranger things have happened.”
“I don’t want him to marry me, or build a life with me, because of a child. I know every child deserves that… look at the home you and Dad gave me. I was one of the only kids I knew who had both parents together who really loved each other.”
“Just playing devil’s advocate… what if he loves you just as you do him? Maybe he isn't as selfish as you think? And you are making his decision for him?”
“I don’t know, Mom. It is all so much.”
“You have time, Emma. Your father and I are here for you and we will figure everything out.”
“I am so thankful for both of you. I really am.”
I lean toward her and she hugs me. “Everything has a way of working out. It always does. That is why I don’t lose faith, I don't lose faith in God’s ability to cure, like for your father, and I don't lose faith in God’s ability to do what he knows is right, what’s supposed to be…”
Mom stood up. “I’m only going to say one more thing. Don't make the decision of what others would do… I’ve made that mistake before and I was wrong. I’m going to go make some tea for us now.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
After four hours at my parents’ house and a full belly, all I could think about was getting home to take a nap and kicking my feet up. I had work I had to get done but luckily I had time to do it. I pondered how I was going to approach Mr. Thomas to fill them in on what I had planned for working as the pregnancy progressed. Thankfully, I still had time though.
I was a planner and not knowing what was going on in my future bothered me. And it hurt knowing that I wasn't going to be prepared for my baby. The baby I had prayed and wished for as long as I could remember.
I opened my phone and began looking through the messages that Cash had sent me. In total there were twelve, all sweet, some short, some long. All of them expressing how he felt about me in some way.
I started with the very first one and my heart melted as I read them. Back-to-back I took them all in. I had been ignoring him since the night at Blue’s and he hadn’t given up on me yet. He wanted to know what happened, but then without my responses his texts began saying a simple… I love you.
It was time for me to write him back.
Emma: Cash, I just got back from my parents’ house and have been thinking about you. I have been sitting here reading your texts telling me how you feel. I feel that it is time that I do the same for you.
You deserve to know how
