The people in the movie were Grandma Barbra, Grandpa Frank, Ramani, as a young girl and Ramani’s baby sisters, Clair and Dottie. They'd set up a camera to film them having a BBQ in the backyard. There was the same willow, jacaranda, and lemon trees. Serene swallowed at a lump forming in her throat as she watched Grandpa Frank poke at some hotdogs with a metal tong, and then turn to give the camera a sleep-eyed smile. Clair and Dottie were playing in a kiddie pool and Ramani was blowing bubbles. Grandma Barbra caught hold of Ramani's hand and walked her over to the camera, telling her to wave.
"What do you want to tell your future children, Brenda?"
Ramani burst into giggles, flashing her gap-toothed smile. "My future children." She Slumped her shoulders forward as her mother smiled behind her. "I wish you peace on earth," Ramani sang out.
"You hear that, Brenda's children," Grandma Barbra said. "We wish you peace on earth."
Ramani exploded into more giggles and ran off just as Grandpa Frank said,
"And we hope you don't have to worry about the atom bomb, you people in the future, or the Russians." He chuckled.
"Frank, please," Grandma Barbra said, looking over her shoulder at her husband. The movie was getting a little fuzzy. Grandpa Frank picked up a glass of what looked like whisky and held it up. "Here's to the greatest country on earth. God Bless America and God Bless you, whoever you are." He took a long swallow as the picture broke up into a lot of splotchy lights fizzling out.
The old movie had knocked them both breathless. But it was Ramani who made Serene's heart stand still, Ramani as a child, Ramani with the same gap tooth smile. Ramani was Ramani. There had never been another woman. Serene leaned against the wall, stunned at this revelation. Why had her mother lied to her, pretended there had been another woman, a different… It didn't make sense.
"Amazing, isn't it?" Barbara said of the home movie.
"Yeah," Serene whispered.
Barbara sighed, then stood. "I'm hot. I think I'll go take advantage of Grandma and Grandpa's pool. She threw Serene a look. “You okay, Mom?"
"Yes. Just thinking."
Serene watched Barbara leave and then played the movie again, pausing it on Ramani giggling.
Your mom likes to be the hero. She could hear John's voice in her head. She likes to be the one who saves the day.
And she couldn't. Wasn't able to save Serene at Shangri-La. So she made up a different story. In this story, Serene had a different mom. In this story, Ramani could be the hero, the friend who did the right thing. There was so much to unravel with her life, so many secrets. The counseling was helping, but she knew there was a long way to go. She'd cried for a week after Erica moved out, surprised at her grief over a relationship she could only recall through someone else's memories. Dora's life was like a movie she'd finally had access to watch. She and Erica talked now and then, but mostly Erica called to speak with the children.
And Dora––what became of her? Dora's memories had arrived like an avalanche of information, so much to process. But what had become of Dora? Why had she only come out that one time to make those orders for summer samples? Serene had asked Claudia Lipstein.
"She also left you that journal," her therapist reminded her.
Serene couldn't bring herself to look at the journal again since she'd found it. But she'd put it away for safekeeping. Inside of the journal she stuck Enzo's note.
You knew Julie's secret. I think she couldn't bear it. God help my wife.
Which meant that Julie or Mara had confided in Enzo at some point. How long had he known? And when did Mara discover that Dora knew? It was one of those memories Serene had no access to. She and Steve were still trying to decide on the right thing to do regarding Darpan. One option was to leave it alone. Hadn't the Morenos’ been through enough pain? But Darpan was innocent of murder. At the very least, she owed it to Darpan to see him.
Serene watched the movie again. Gosh, Barbara looked like her great grandmother. It was uncanny. The heat finally getting to her, she left the office, almost colliding with Steve. He caught her up in his arms.
"You'll never guess what's going on across the street," he said.
"What?" She stood on tiptoe to peer over his shoulder out the window. Jesse and Grandpa Ron were erecting a sign next to the flag on their lawn. Jesse wore a one-piece bathing suit and a Dodgers cap Ron had given him..
"Come on." Steve took her hand.
They crossed the street just as Ron straightened up and wiped the back of his hand across his forehead. Jesse was blocking the sign, but when Sara called out the door that it was time for ice cream, he ran off.
In big black letters the sign read, Black Lives Matter.
"Hot enough for you?" Grandpa Ron said.
Serene stared at the sign and then at Ron. A blush spread across his face, and he looked away.
"Come on in," he said. "Maggie made a mixed berry pie, and there's ice cream."
“I will. I forgot something. I’ll be right back.” She watched Steve, her father-in-law and son go into the house. After they shut the door, she walked back to her place, to the bedroom that she now shared with Steve and picked up her phone from the dresser, calling John.
“Hello,” he answered in his perfunctory manner.
“Hey, how is Ramani?”
“Today’s a better day.” She could hear him reaching for the optimism, but could sense the tinge of sadness underneath.
“Is she up for talking?”
“Let me see.” Serene could hear their muffled
