The kids were at school and Cuppa had left in the morning to meet a client. Who Dora really wanted to talk to was Erica, but Erica was on their way to Paris. She could feel the shift happening inside her, a stretching and unfolding, Serene returning. Hot panic shot through Dora's system. She had to stay in charge. Dora got back into her car and headed for Hollywood, headed for the Walk of Fame and Lucille Ball's star. Lucille Ball, who had waved at Ramani when she was a little girl. It was the star Dora had stood on seven years ago when she knew she was the one to live this life, not Serene.
By the time Dora arrived in Hollywood, rushing down the boulevard, her essence dissipating with every step, Serene was already taking shape.
Hollywood.
Yes.
She was in Hollywood, and that was all Serene knew.
59
Steve - March 2020
"Steve!"
Steve looked over his shoulder at Carrie, waving him toward her.
"Just a minute," he said, adjusting his earbud.
"Are you listening to me?" Tera's voice rose, sharp and impatient in his ear.
"It's my sister. We're at the hospital. I told you."
"I'm moving out," Tera said.
He didn't reply. There was nothing he could say that would make any of this better.
"You're scum. You know that?" She hissed and hung up. He took a breath. Steve had never cheated on anyone in his life. He was scum, he decided, grimacing at the memory of waking up in all that dried blood like some revolting creature. He didn't need to massage Serene that night. Did he really think it was going to be an innocent shoulder rub? Was he really trying to help her or just seduce her? Was that his motive?
"Steve!" Carrie yelled again, waving him over for a second time. Her face shone with excitement, drawing out a curiosity that overrode his self-disgust. He walked over to his sister.
"You're bizarrely overjoyed," he said. "What's going on?"
"It's Dora. Her memories. She's remembering."
"What?"
"It just happened when I started talking about Mara."
"Oh." Steve's heart sank. He felt terrible, of course, that Mara was missing, but on the other hand he'd never liked her, not when she was Julie, vapid and unoriginal, soaking up the narcissistic rays of Taylor's sunny attention, nor when she changed her name to Mara and was suddenly Dora's best friend. Steve never understood their friendship. Mara embodied all of the shallow characteristics of the definitive superficial LA woman. And, although Dora had turned her eye to fashion and growing a social media platform, she still maintained a depth and level of awareness that Steve felt Mara could never cultivate, no matter how much she tried to emulate empathy through donating money to an organization for women who suffered domestic abuse. He wondered if the part of Dora who was Serene would go away now.
Serene stepped outside of the ER waiting room just as that thought popped into his head. When she saw Steve, she walked up to him and took his hands. He could feel a pulse start up in his neck as her grasp grew firmer.
"Something's happening to me," she said.
Carrie told them that they should go and talk, she'd stay behind with Mom and Dad. As Steve drove to his house with Serene beside him, she'd remained silent, staring pensively ahead of her. When he asked her if she wanted to talk, she'd turned slowly to look at him and, after several seconds, said, "I will." But once he got back to the house, he saw Tera's land cruiser parked out front. As he made to back up, the front door opened and Tera stepped out, squinting back at them over his headlights.
He rolled down his window.
"I'll be back." He called out to her.
Tera's eyes shifted to Serene and her face closed down altogether. She went back inside, slamming the door. Steve sighed. As much as he regretted his treatment of Tera, the part of him connected to Serene was almost membranal. To cut her away would be like slicing into himself. He drove down to the beach and parked.
"Want to take a walk?"
Serene nodded and they got out. A cold wind whipped at their faces. The ocean was a silvery dark blue, lit up from the cars' headlights, and it sent mounds of rolling blackness their way which crashed into frothing foam, crumbling into a slick of bubbles rushing back to the black mass. They walked silently, hands bumping until Serene's fingers caught his and he felt that little rush he always got when she touched him.
"There are so many memories," she said quietly. "They are mine and they are Dora's, and they are…" Her other hand went to her mouth and she gave a little sob. Steve stopped and pulled her into his arms.
"I don't understand what's going on up there in your head,” he said, “but I want you to know, Serene, that I love you. I've always loved you."
She squeezed him to her and then pulled away, looking up into his face.
"I know who hurt Taylor."
Steve could feel his heart speed up. Did she somehow know about Carrie? That Carrie had pushed Taylor, made her fall down and knock her head against the wall. It wasn't that hard, nothing that he thought really could have done the kind of damage that killed her. He'd helped Taylor up, told her to leave. Clearly, something was wrong when he'd asked her to go. The shame he'd felt at turning her out made him feel hot, his skin prickly at the thought of his actions. She had come to him for help.
"It was Julie––or Mara," Serene said quietly. "I saw her."
"Mara?"
He stared down into Serene's earnest face.
Mara.
"But why?"
Serene looked away.
"Serene. Why did Mara hit Taylor?"
"Her dad," she whispered.
Steve felt the blood drain from his head.
