“There’re gangsters everywhere, pal. You should know that.”
“Because I’m black?”
“Nah, because you’re a shady bastard.”
“I’m a fully qualified veterinarian.”
“Exactly. What kind of geezer studies eight years to stick his finger up a dog’s arse? Shady is what that is.”
“Idiot.”
Ryan chuckled. He was already having the best time he’d had in ages. Just being with the lads made him happy. When was the last time they’d all been together like this?
Too long. I’ve been spending too much time with Sophie.
Loobey went to Aaron, who was still standing on the uneven slabs that made up the cottage’s front step. “How’s it going, our kid?”
“Good.”
“You gonna ’ave a lark with us?”
“Yeah.”
Loobey didn’t push it. He knew Aaron well enough to recognise his shyness, so he tussled the lad’s greasy brown hair and turned back to the others. “Sean’s right, this place is mint. We’re gonna have a right laugh.”
“Yeah, we are,” said Ryan, looking around and enjoying the scenery with his mates. Living in Manchester, he’d hopped the border into Scotland once or twice, but he’d never gone further than Glasgow. The seven-hour drive it had taken to reach the cottage had been miserable, and at 4 AM this morning, when he and Aaron had set off, it seemed like the biggest mistake ever. That changed as soon as the landlord ferried them up from the village and handed over the keys. Ryan had never seen the sky so wide, or the land so vibrantly hued. He had expected mountainous grey rock and featureless glens, but the Highlands were nothing like that. The land was full of life, coloured in a hundred different shades. A multitude of birds filled the sky. Every bush rustled when you passed it, unseen critters hiding within. The drive had been worth it.
This entire weekend will be worth it.
“Where’s your car?” asked Tom, peering around, hands still in his chinos.
Ryan blushed. “I parked up in the village to grab the keys and the landlord pissed himself laughing. Cheeky sod said I wouldn’t make it halfway before I ended up in a ditch. I had to leave my car behind while he drove us up here in his Land Rover. McGregor his name was. Could barely understand a word he said.”
Sean threw his head back and laughed. “I told yer not to buy that poxy Audi, yer daft bastard. You’re a right poser, you are, our kid.”
“Hey, don’t insult the TT. She’s my girl.”
Brett folded his arms and raised an eyebrow; his classic pose, born from an innate disapproval of most things. “I thought Sophie was your girl. Isn’t that why we’re all here? To celebrate your love and impending nuptials?”
“Do one!” said Sean. “We’re here to get ’angin. Starting now!”
Loobey pulled a face. “Can’t we have a mooch first? Let’s enjoy some of this clean air. There ain’t a kebab shop in sight.”
Sean recoiled, orange freckles bunching on his cheeks. “Yer wot? We ain’t here to go sightseeing, yer bellend.”
“I just want to settle in first before the madness starts. It was a long drive and I’m knackered.”
Tom seemed to agree, because he was nodding. “The drive was an endurance test, to say the least. It didn’t help that Loobey and Sean were competing in the fart Olympics most of the way here.”
Brett grimaced, his glasses rising on the ridge of his scrunched-up nose. “Yeah, that was rough.”
Loobey looked away sheepishly. “I couldn’t help it. My guts were acting up.”
“Heaven’s knows why,” said Tom. “You didn’t eat a thing the entire way here. You must be starving.”
“I’ll eat later.”
Ryan was confused. You could usually depend on Loobey to have a good time, but he seemed on a downer. His reluctance to party was disheartening, but Ryan didn’t want to be a dick about it, so he looked at Sean and shrugged. “We’re here all weekend, mate. No need to rush.”
“Sod that!” Sean reached into his jean pocket and produced a baggie filled with white powder. He dipped a finger in and rubbed the contents on his gums. “Ah, that’s banging. Anyone want a taste?”
Everyone declined. While none of them were saints, this was a weekend on the lash, not a re-enactment of Trainspotting. Ryan had never been one for drugs – alcohol gave him enough of a buzz. Sean could keep his gear. They still had jobs to go to on Monday.
Don’t think about work. That’s the last thing I want in my head. I’m here to have a laugh and nothing else. This might be my last chance.
“Okay,” said Ryan, clapping his hands together. “Let me give you the grand tour.” He strolled towards the side of the cottage, beckoning everyone to follow. “Over here, we have a large, mysterious shed, which the landlord informs me is to remain locked at all times.”
“I’m getting in there,” said Sean, “I swear down.”
“Try to behave,” said Tom, smoothing back his blonde hair as it flapped in the wind. “I know it’ll be difficult.”
“Sod off.”
Ryan glared at Sean playfully. “I had to pay a deposit on this place, mate, so nothing gets broken, okay? It’s not even meant for parties usually, but I found it cheap online and convinced the landlord we’d behave.”
Sean pulled a face. “What you mean it’s not meant for parties?”
“It’s a spiritual retreat or something.”
“That would explain the spooky-looking cross over there,” said Loobey, pointing to a circle of white stones, within which stood a large wooden cross. The only thing lacking was a sacrificial altar.
“Another thing we’re not supposed to mess with,” said Ryan. “It’s like a hundred years old. The landlord said it would be a crime to damage it.”
“I’m climbing it,” said Sean, pupils already like dinner plates.
Ryan groaned. “Sean, don’t make me regret inviting you, okay?”
“I came here to party. It’s a stag do, ain’t it?”
Ryan rolled his eyes but ended up laughing. Sean was a live wire,
