All of my guys had this amazing ability to make me feel safe in their presence, but Kade and Cole most of all, just because of their sheer size and braun. No one would dare try anything when one of them towered over me, and I knew it.
That thought calmed me a little, and I knew I needed to learn to be braver. I couldn’t keep on letting fear rule every decision. Sure, sometimes my fears took over and when that happened there was little I could do, but when I was feeling strong and good, as I was in that moment, I needed to start trying to push harder.
Cole, Matt and I were set to start school in three days and there would be no hiding then. I needed to start practising being normal.
“I could eat.” I agreed with a nod.
“Yeah?” Cole grinned.
“Yeah, as long as the shop’s not too busy.” I agreed, even more confidently.
“It won’t be, not this early.” Cole released my hand and instead wrapped his arm over my shoulders, pulling me tight into his side, then we set off down the busy street, everyone moving clear out of our path, intimidated by Cole’s size and strength.
“I’m so proud of you Livy. You did great in that appointment. I know it can’t have been easy for you.” He said as we walked.
“You’re right. It’s hard to talk about everything, especially with a woman I barely know, but weirdly I think it does help. I mean, I know I was shaking and freaking a bit while we were there, but now I feel lighter, like I unloaded something that was weighing me down.”
“That’s good. I’m just relieved to see you smiling so much more this last week. You scared us all over Christmas. We need you, Babygirl.”
“I know.” I agreed, and I did know. I had seen the terror on all of their faces the day I completely crumbled and smashed up that mirror, and for several days after. They had been terrified I was going to check out on them, and had struggled to keep their shit together in varying degrees of severity. They could only deal with a certain level of melt down when it came to me, and I knew that now. If it came to a point where they feared I wouldn’t come back, they couldn’t handle it. I completely understood why, because I would be just as lost if any of them fell apart as I did. I would be completely terrified and irrational in my need to fix them.
I was doing all I could to be better for them, so they wouldn't have to go through that fear again. “I’m doing better Cole, promise. I’m not stupid, I know I’m not magically fixed, but hopefully the out of control, mirror smashing freakouts are behind me.” I joked.
“What about school?” He asked hesitantly. We hadn't really discussed it since Grant, heeding Xander’s concerns, told us we would all be starting classes, leaving no room for argument. I think the guys were too scared to trigger my concerns by asking me about it all to that point.
“I’m nervous.” I admitted. “But Grant made sure you and Matt are in most of my classes, so I won’t be alone much anyway.”
“True.”
“Who knows, I might even make a friend?” I shrugged.
“Loving the optimism, Beautiful, but at least 98 percent of the kids in that school are complete and utter dicks. It’s unlikely you’ll meet anyone you can trust, and while I hate to have to tell you this, you need to be prepared; you will have to watch your back. There are several, large groups of really stuck up kids who hate our family, alot, Steve just being one of many.”
“Great! Tell me again why I’m going there.” I huffed.
“Because Xander convinced Mom and Dad it was for the best, that you need the structure. Matt and I did everything we could to change their minds, but they won’t budge. They just don't understand how bad things are in that stuck up school.” I took a deep breath and fought not to let myself panic. How bad could it really be? Not worse than eight years in hell, that was for damned sure.
“Whatever!” I said flippantly. “We’ll stick together and get through it. It’s two semesters then we’re done with school. We can totally survive it.”
“You’re right. We’ll be fine. Just stick with Matt and I, and don’t trust anyone. We’ll protect you.”
“I know you will, plus don't forget I can kick a little ass myself nowadays.” I joked, not entirely sure that was an accurate description of the skills I had learnt while training with Kyle over the last month. Less kicking ass, more slipping holds and running for my life.
“Yes you can, my little ninja.” Cole agreed with a smile and a kiss on my forehead.
Cole ushered me through the door of a small, but modern sandwich bar. We headed for the counter, where only one guy in a suit was waiting before us.
I was a little nervous as I looked around and took in the three staff behind the counter, two guys a little older than us sitting at a table in the corner, and the guy ahead of us, but when I saw they were all far too busy to bother about me, I relaxed a little.
“What do you feel like eating?” Cole asked as his arms snaked around me, pulling my back tight against his front and holding me in place. I could feel his warm breath on the top of my head, could smell his intoxicating aftershave, mixed with the fresh body wash I
