“Hey Honey.” Keira’s voice came from my right, and when I turned I found her sitting in the chair from my dressing table, at the side of my bed. She was in PJ’s and her robe, and she looked tired.
“Hi. What happened?” I asked, still feeling confused. I sat up and looked to her for an answer.
“You passed out on the guys, scared them half to death.” She explained with a smile. I thought about the hike, remembered finding the cabin, and all of the panic and fear. And Chris. I had no idea who he had been, but something told me he had mattered to me. There was a pain deep inside every time I thought of his name.
“Are they all alright?” I asked, realising not one of them was in the room with us.
“They’re fine. They were just all so exhausted. I insisted they go to bed, that I’d stay with you.”
“You didn’t need to. I’m ok.”
“I wanted to. You’ve had a really crappy day Honey. I needed to see how you’re doing for myself.” She said, a kind smile on her face. I studied her for a moment and found nothing but a genuine concern. I decided I owed it to her to be honest. Maybe it would even help to get it out.
“I was so scared Keira.” I admitted, my voice wobbling with emotion. “He was out there, I know he was.”
“Oh sweetie.” She climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around me tightly. “It’s all ok now. You’re home, and you are safe. We won’t let any harm come to you in this house.” She soothed as she held me tightly.
“Th-there was a body…..a man.”
“I know. The boys told me. They said you thought he was with you before you escaped?” Keira asked.
“When I saw him….saw the body, I had this memory. I saw him….with me in The Darkness. He was kind to me.” Tears were flowing, and I felt that pain in my chest again as I remembered the face I had seen. “Why would I h-have blocked that out?” I asked.
“I don’t know, but you went through so much in the time you were held Olivia, and it must have had the most devastating effect on your brain, stressing it to unbelievable levels. This memory block you have of the time you escaped, I think it’s your brain trying to protect you from something it feels you’re not ready to handle. I don’t know what happened, Honey, but I think maybe you saw this man, this Chris, die, and that is what you’re blocking out. Your brain is trying to protect you from memories of something even more traumatic than everything you do remember.”
It made sense. If Chris, whoever he was, somehow got locked down there with me, and tried to fight back, he could have been killed in front of me. The thought though, that it was more traumatic than the things I was remembering and reliving, was terrifying. How could there possibly be worse?
“Do you think the memories will come back?” I wasn’t sure I wanted them to.
“I think they already are if you remembered this man’s name, Olivia.”
“What if it’s more than I can handle? It’s already so hard to just keep going. I’m trying so hard, but the memories, they…..they don’t stop, Keira. Every time I have a quiet moment, or every time I sleep, there he is, just waiting f-for me.” I confessed.
“You are doing so well though. You’re handling things so much better since the holidays, and you’re working hard with April. We’re all so proud of your strength and resilience. That is all you can do, just keep fighting, keep pushing. If, or likely when these memories hit you, it will feel like being hit by a steamroller. It’s going to hit you hard and fast. All you can do is be as ready as possible, and let us help you through it when it happens. We’re all here for you, no matter what comes. You are not on your own. Remember that above all else. You never have to face anything alone, ever again. There is nothing Grant and I wouldn’t do for you, sweet girl.”
I was sobbing as I leant forward and pulled her into a tearful hug. She wasn’t my Mom, but I loved her as if she were, and I was sure wherever my Mom was, she would approve of Keira, grateful that someone cared for me as she would had she been able to be there.
“Thank you so much….for everything.” I whimpered. “I….I love you Keira.” It was the first time I had said it to her, and it felt good to get it out there.
“Oh Honey, I love you too, so much.” She squeezed me so tight I could barely breathe, but it felt good. We stayed there for a while, just holding each other as my tears wound down, then Keira released me and smiled as she brushed away wild strands of my hair, tucking them behind my ears. “You should try to sleep some more. You’re still much too pale.”
“I will. You can go to bed now too. I’m ok, really.” I assured her. “Thank you for staying with me.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that. I’m always going to be here for you.” She kissed my cheek, just like my Mom used to, then stood. “Now, why don’t you go and crawl into bed with one of the boys? I know I’m not technically supposed to encourage that sort of thing, but I trust my boys to be gentlemen, and I hate to think of you in here alone after what you faced today.” I smiled when she said she trusted them. Of course she did. They were the most genuine, honest and honourable men I had ever known.
“I will. Thanks Keira.” I smiled, trying to reassure her I
