After driving for about ten minutes in silence I suddenly take notice of where we are and of where we are not.
We are not at my home and we are now going in the wrong direction. Panic starts to set in. This was stupid of me. Why did I get in his car?
“Logan, where are you taking me? I thought we were going to talk at my house?” I turn to look at him and I can see that he has a death grip on the steering wheel. His knuckles are turning white with the force he is holding on. He’s not instilling in me the usual sense of calm and safety I get when I’m around him.
“I thought we could go back to the place where I took you that first time we went out for the day. Do you remember?” he says without looking at me. He’s not acting like himself and he is scaring me.
“I remember Logan.” The second his name leaves my lips he takes a sharp intake of breath and if it’s possible his grip gets even tighter.
“I want to go home Logan. Take me home.” Somehow my voice manages to sound more stable than I feel inside. I feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest.
“Do you trust me Alexia?” The way he says it, makes it sound so simple. Trust.
But trust is never simple is it?
“What?” I question him, unsure of what else to say.
“Do you trust me? Yes or no?” There it is again, simplicity. Do I trust him? A few weeks ago I wouldn’t have hesitated in answering him. Now I’m not so sure my answer would be the same one. He’s waiting for my answer. I don’t want to give it to him though as I dont know what his reaction will be. I can’t lie to him. Something within me prevents me from doing so.
He’s just driving, waiting for my answer. He hasn’t looked at me once since I got into to car. But I look at him now. I need to make sure I’m prepared for what will happen when I answer him.
I need to be certain of him, because whatever will follow is a huge uncertainty.
“Maybe. I’m not sure any more” I finally say and release the breath I was holding.
He doesn’t say anything just nods his head once and carries on driving. But the edges of his lips tilt upwards slightly into the tiniest of smiles.
I think I should have just said no.
We arrived at the same spot where we parked the first time we came here. We did a lot more talking that first time though. He parks his truck and gets out silently, I take a peek at him before I get out. He’s taking in deep breaths of air like he can’t get enough. I open the door to get out and as usual he is already there waiting to help me down.
I swing my legs out the door to step down but he places his hands on either side of my waist and slowly lifts me out, making me gasp and I automatically place my hands on his broad shoulders. He just stands there piercing me with his eyes. My heart rate has just trebled in speed.
“Are you alright Alexia?” he asks me. His voice is more husky than usual. If its possible I like his voice like this the best.
I can’t help but stare into his eyes. He has me hypnotised. Any reason of why I am actually here has gone completely out of my mind. I nod my head finally.
“You seem nervous. Do I make you nervous Alexia?” I manage to tear my eyes away from him and his spell breaks a little.
Does he make me nervous?... umm yeah.
His hands are still holding onto me as if he is scared that if he lets me go, I will run away.
Maybe I should.
“You can let go of me now Logan. I’m out safe and sound.” In response he just pulls me closer to him so our bodies are touching. He doesn’t say anything. I have to lean back a little and tilt my head to look at him. In this position though I can feel his heart beat. It’s faster than it should be.
Do I make him nervous?
“Are you alright Logan?” I ask. Repeating his question back to him.
He rests his head on top of mine and takes a deep breath in.
“I am now” is his answer, and makes no attempt to move.
His next word brings me back to my senses and makes me realise how foolish it was of me to come here with him. But for some unfathomable reason, my earlier panic has gone and I feel the safest I have felt in a very long time, right here in his arms.
He says the word so quietly; I don’t think he actually means me to hear it. Its almost like he is just talking to himself.
“Mine.”
I stiffen when he says it and I place my hands in between us and gently push him away.
“Logan I think it was a mistake coming here. I think we should go back.” I can’t look at him when I speak. I just keep my head down. He places his finger underneath my chin and lifts my head to look at him.
“Why?” he asks me softly. He looks hurt by what I have just said.
“Why?” I repeat back to him. Why does my brain turn to mush around him?
