“I’m coming, I’m fine.” I call back to him.
“Bye Logan.” I turn to leave and he reaches out to me and holds gently on to my arm.
“Get your hands off her Logan. She said she’s leaving.” Logan’s grip tightens on my arm but not enough to hurt me.
“You need to stay out of things that don’t concern you O'Connor.” Logan says through clenched teeth.
“When it involves Alex, it does concern me. Now I’m not going to ask you again. Remove your hand.” Most people would cower away from Logan when he looks at them the way he is looking at Chris right now. However Chris is unaffected by him.
“How do you know its not him Alexia? The notes? How do you know?” He is talking quietly, but I know Chris can hear him and I expect him to ask me what he was talking about.
“It’s not. Good bye Logan.” I take a step away but Logan still has a gentle but firm hold on my arm.
“Alexia...” it’s almost a whisper. But it’s full of emotion. Full of sadness, like me walking away right now is the worst thing that could possibly happen to him.
That’s why I know I have to leave him, leave before anything even got started. Because if something did start, I don’t think it would ever finish.
I place the palm of my hand on the side of his face and bring his head close to mine.
“Let me go Logan.” I say while nodding my head lightly, letting him know that’s its ok. I feel his hand leave my arm and an ache starts to build deep within me.
I make my way back to the road where I know Chris’s truck will be, and Chris follows in silence.
We both get in and he drives off straight away, heading for home. For the first few minutes neither of us says anything.
“Are you crazy?” Chris’s words bring me out of the dark hole I could feel myself slipping into.
“Chris, its...” I don’t know what to say to him. He just looks at me and then back to the road. I don’t like the way he looks. Like he is disappointed in me. Like I have let him down. The thing is though, is that I do actually feel like I have let him down in some way.
“It’s what Alex, because you’re going to have to explain it to me, because I don’t know why you would be out in the middle of nowhere with an absolute psycho. One that you promised you were staying away from. Do you not remember what he is capable of? Come on Alex I know you are not that stu...” I cut him off mid sentence.
“Do not finish that word Chris. I’ve had enough of people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do and then calling me stupid for doing something that they see as the wrong choice.” I can feel myself getting worked up but I don’t want to be angry with Chris. He came to get me, with out even hesitating just asking for my locations details from my phone. I should be thanking him, but instead we are arguing.
“Alex I know...” I don’t let him finish again.
“Chris you promised no questions. Can we please just leave it at that?” I know it’s a big thing to ask. To hope that he will just drop it, to my astonishment, he does and we drive the rest of the way home in silence.
We pull up my drive and park out side my house. Chris has dropped me off and just come inside with me so many times now it’s just like the natural thing to do. But when he takes off his seat belt this time, I realise that I don’t want him to come in with me. I need to be alone so I can just process things in my head. My mind has been wandering on the way home and I need to make some sense of it.
“Do you mind if you don’t come in?” I can’t look at him when I ask, for fear of seeing that look on his face again. To see that he is disappointed, disappointed with me. He sighs and bites his lip, his jaw pulling tight.
“Yeah that’s fine. Just call if you need me. I might not always come running though Alex.” That gets my attention and I look at him but he doesn’t look at me. He just keeps staring ahead. I nod my head.
“Okay, I deserve that.” I slowly get out the truck and walk up to the porch but before I can even get there I hear Chris’ door slam shut and as I turn around to see why he has gotten out, I bang straight into his chest.
“I will come. I’ll always come and get you. Wherever you are.” Without even thinking about it I throw my arms around him and hold him tight. He pulls away and places his hands on my face. This is why I love Chris so much. He’s my best friend. I know I will always be able to count on him.
“I’m going to kiss you now” and without giving me chance to respond, his lips are on mine. Firm but gentle and I find myself responding, moving my lips in sync with his. It’s a nice kiss. But that’s all, nice, comfortable.
But it’s not that kiss. The one that replays in my dreams. I gently push him away and break the kiss. I don’t know what to say to him. What ever I do say, I know its not going to be what he wants to hear. I don’t want to hurt him any more than
