So I become a coward.
I run into the safety of my house and leave him standing on the drive.
◆◆◆
I’m a coward.
I can’t actually believe I just left him standing there. But what was I meant to do? I like Chris, I actually think I may even love him, but just not in the way he wants me to. I lean back on the closed front door and bang my head against it.
“They were both right. You are stupid Alex. Why did you kiss him back?” I whisper to myself. I should have stopped him. I could have stopped him. He told me what he was going to do.
Why didn’t I? I think to myself. I make my way up stairs to my bathroom and turn the bath taps on full. Maybe a bath will clear my head.
I feel bad for kissing Chris; I don’t want to lead him on or to give him false hope that we could be more than friends. We could never be more than friends when most of the time all I can think of is Logan.
I don’t know why I pushed him away again in the forest.
That’s a lie.
I do know.
I’m scared.
I’ve never felt like this before about anyone.
He consumes me.
And that worries me. I didn’t think love should be like that. I thought there would be some balance, but my waking thought is about him. The last thing I think of before I go to sleep is him, and more than half the time my dreams are of him too.
I strip out of my clothes and sink into the hot water. I keep replaying what happened by the lake. He said he was ready to explain everything to me, but I didn’t give him chance to.
And if Logan isn’t sending the notes...then who is?
I have so much going on in my head I can't even think straight. I shut my eyes and just try to relax in the soothing hot water.
When I feel the water become too cool I get out and get dressed, just into some leggings and a hoodie. I take a look outside and am surprised to see that it’s pouring down with rain. It looks like a storm is almost upon us.
I head down stairs and make my way to the kitchen. There’s only one thing I need now.
Ice cream. Double chocolate fudge ice cream. I look in the freezer with a disappointed frown on my face. This is my ultimate comfort food, and in my confused state right now it’s exactly what I need. I close the freezer and look around the kitchen cupboards to see what other goodies I can find.
Nothing, there’s nothing.
I stand still when my eyes land on my car keys on the side. I could just go and get some. I’m perfectly capable. There wont be many people on the road this time of night. My mind made up I grab my coat, purse and keys and head out the door, desperate times call for desperate mesaures.
Ten minutes later I'm not so sure.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid Alex” I scold my self. Ironic that just a few hours ago I was arguing with two different people for calling me that, but here I was now calling it myself.
But really... who comes out in rain like this? Why did I do that? Is ice cream really that important? I ask myself.
Yes, and we are halfway there now anyway. May as well carry on. No turning back.
I hear my phone alert me to a message, but I don’t even attempt to answer it. I hate it when people use their phones while driving; I just concentrate on getting to the store.
Ice cream purchased, I get back in the truck when I remember that I had a message. I get out my phone to read it.
Unknown: I warned you to stay away from Chris. You should not be kissing him. I thought you knew. You are mine Princess. Never forget that.
I quickly lock my door and take a look around. This person knew I had kissed Chris. That means they were at my house. Watching me.
Panic was starting to set in. Of not knowing what to do or where to go. I can't shake the feeling of being watched and once again I take in the surrounding area and check my locks. I was being paranoid. I just needed to get home or maybe aunt Sara's studio?
Aunt Sara was a good option; it meant she didn’t have to be alone in the house.
With shaky hands I drop my phone in my lap, and try to remember the way to the studio. I hadn’t been there that many times, and trying to find my way in the dark, with this rain while being scared wasn’t helpful at all.
“Come on Alex, get it together” I tell myself.
The rain was coming down heavier now, and the screen wipers were going as fast as they could but it still seemed like it wasn’t fast enough.
The road to the studio was long and uphill, passing rows of trees and embankments.
I feel my phone vibrate and beep to letting me know I had another message, I quickly grabbed it without even thinking, I just needed to know if it was him again.
Chris: I’m not sorry I kissed you. I’d do it again. You kissed me back. That has to mean something?? Xx
Looking up from the message, sighing in relief that it was Chris. Although that was just a whole other issue.
The relief didn’t last for long however.
I saw
