Me: I think so. I have a number that I can call, so I might just do that. It’s not like I can never sleep, but I would love one full night of peace.
Ella: I know, it will come. Don’t rush your recovery. Remember, I’m here for you. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.
Me: Well I do have question.
Ella: Shoot…
Me: Well, what happened to Torch? I know that might be personal and you don’t have to answer, but he just looks so broken and withdrawn.
She takes a few minutes to respond and I wonder if I went too far with asking. I am about to apologize and tell her that she doesn’t have to answer, but my phones dings before I can.
Ella: Well shit, sorry. It’s just hard for me to talk about.
Me: It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. Never mind me, I’m just being nosy. Boredom does that to me.
Ella: No, no it’s okay. It’s not a big secret and if you ever hang around with us again, it will be good for you to know.
Me: Only if you want to. I didn’t want to bring up bad memories.
Ella: They are just hard. It’s only been eight months. My best friend Stacey was Tyson’s old lady. They were together for over a year before she was killed. It’s been a tough time with the club, but Tyson hasn’t been the same since.
Me: Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. I’m terrible at comfort.
Ella: It’s okay. It’s a day by day thing. Sometimes I find myself wanting to call her or text her when the boys do something funny or cute, but then I remember all over again that she’s gone.
Me: Well you can talk to me. If you want to talk about you kids, man, or about Stacey. I’ll listen.
Ella: Thank you. I just might take you up on that.
Me: No problem. I will talk to you soon, okay?
Ella: Talk soon.
I release a breath that I didn’t know I was holding.
I can’t believe that they are going through something like that. No wonder Tyson looks pained and broken. I would be too.
I think about everything the club had been through. I don’t know how long I stay lost in my thoughts, but I don’t hear my mother come into the room.
“Sweetie?” she says softly and I jump.
“Sorry, mom did you need something?” I ask.
“Oh, just dinner is about ready. Did you get a chance to call the doctor today?” she asks, and I shake my head.
“No. I was just about to,” I say with a soft smile at her.
After talking to Ella and realizing how much pain that the Vicious Snakes have been through, I decide that I need to do what I can. They can’t be worried about me. I need to give them one less thing to worry about.
I need to work on me.
Then I can work on the pain in Tyson’s eyes.
I dial the phone number when my mom leaves the room.
Chapter Four
Camilla
It has only been a few days since I called the therapist who specializes in trauma from sexual assault and abuse.
I went to my first appointment the next day. I was lucky that they had a cancellation and were able to fit me in.
I had just left my second session with the therapist. She had felt that I should come to a few appointments a week until we started to see progress. Being that I wasn’t going back to work, I had agreed. It also helped to talk about what had happened to someone that didn’t know me.
On the first day, when I explained to my therapist what had happened when I was first brought to that party, I broke down and cried. I hadn’t seen any judgement or pity in her eyes while I talked with her helping me to develop trust with her.
I told my dad that I wanted to take some self-defence classes. It would help me to feel like I could protect myself if anything else were to happen. I didn’t want to rely on anyone. So he signed me up for one on one classes with his friend who is a trainer at the gym he owns.
I’m very grateful for that because I’m not ready to be around a bunch of people.
At least the instructor is my dad’s friend, so I won’t have to feel scared about being alone with someone I don’t know. Not that it matters anyways because my dad and brother Xavier stayed with me the whole time during the lesson.
My mind drifts back to Torch quite often. I don’t know what it is about those haunted eyes that makes it hard to think about anything else. I honestly would rather my mind wander to him than anything else.
I walk to the car my brother is driving. He smiles at me as I enter the car.
“Hey Cami. Feeling up to some lunch?” he says with a soft smile.
This is one of the reasons that I love my brother. He knows when to push or when to leave me alone to my thoughts.
I haven’t been out too much since I have been home. I’ve been too scared to leave the house. I know that they got everyone, and I can trust when Derek tells me not to worry, but I still don’t feel safe. I had felt a lot safer when I was with the Vicious Snakes under their close
