Tyson: I sent you something and it might be cheesy, but I hate the thought that you are having nightmares and I can’t be there.
Me: Thank you, you didn’t need to do that.
Tyson: It’s nothing.
Curious, I open the bathroom door. Since I already had my bedroom door closed and locked, I don’t bother putting a shirt on.
I see a box sitting on my bed that I didn’t notice when I walked in.
I have no clue what he would send me. I’m wondering what he would send me to help me sleep.
I open the box and can’t help the smile that forms on my lips.
Inside the box is a plush teddy bear. That’s not the only thing that makes me smile. The stuffed bear has a little leather jacket on and denim jeans with a bandana on its head. When I turn the bear around to look at the back, a laugh escapes me. There is a Vicious Snakes logo on the back that has Torch’s name underneath.
Tears develop in my eyes for a different reason. This is absolutely the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.
I don’t have any clue why I didn’t have nightmares with him around, but he seems to have a way to show me that he’s here for me, even if he isn’t physically here. I bring the bear closer to me and notice that it has a scent to it. When I breathe it in, I realize that he must have sprayed whatever cologne or body spray he uses on it. It smells like him. That makes me smile again.
I hug the bear to my chest and, after a few minutes, I put it down to go have that shower, but decide to have a bath instead.
I try not to look at the mirror as I fill the tub with water.
I need a good long soak after the emotional overload.
Of course, no matter how much I try not to look at it, I can still feel it.
My hand brushes along my left side where Reaper’s name is carved into it. Right under my arm starts with the “R” and the other letters of his name follow downwards until finally ending at my hip bone.
Tears fall down my cheeks when I remember the pain of the marking mixed with the wicked gleam in his eyes as he meticulously made his incisions.
He didn’t carve it all in one night. The first letter was carved when I was there for a couple weeks. It seems that once a letter would start to heal, he would be back to carve the next one.
When I was held captive, it was with Reaper and the rest of his men. I thought he was in charge when I was there, since I had never seen anyone else.
Sometime during the months I was there, another man came in that I now know was Charles. He had some sort of revenge plotted against the Vicious Snakes president, Derek, and his friends.
I had never seen who he was because I was always blindfolded before he came into the room. I didn’t know what he had looked like until Krista and Ella were brought in.
The Devil’s Souls needed entertainment, so they had found me.
I try and force the painful thoughts from my mind.
I shut off the water before it overflows and sit on the edge of the tub to bury my face in my hands.
Tears fall down my face as I sob into my hands and try to bury the memories of the last five months.
I don’t know if I would ever be able to trust a man intimately again because I can barely stand anyone touching me now.
Cringing when your parents hug you isn’t exactly how I want to live my life.
Being on a verge of a panic attack when someone sits next to me is hardly functional.
What gets me is that I didn’t feel this way when I was with the Vicious Snakes. Maybe I was in too much of a shock to realize it because I was finally free and with a club that had saved me. I’m not sure, but I knew as soon as I got home that I couldn’t stand to be near anyone. I hate feeling this way.
I will get through this. It will take time and that’s all I can really ask.
If I let them break me after I’m finally free, then they win.
I didn’t break while I was being held against my will, so I will make damn sure that I won’t break now.
One minute at a time.
Whatever it takes.
Chapter Five
Tyson “Torch”
I can’t help but groan as I put my phone down after texting Camilla. I don’t know why I bought her a bear, but I had felt bad when she told me that she was still sleeping like shit because of the nightmares she has. I hated the sound that she was making when I wasn’t in the room and had to figure out something that would help her.
I’m in no condition to help her now that she’s home. I have my own demons to battle. My head has been a mess even more lately since she left.
Once we had caught the rest of the Devil’s Souls, we had sent her home since there wasn’t anyone left.
I sure hope that we got all the fuckers, and that there wasn’t anyone left in the house that we ended up catching Cutter from. There weren’t any signs of anyone else and we had went through everything.
I feel confident enough that this nightmare is over and I can go back to my lonely life.
I grab the bottle of whisky from the bar at the clubhouse and poor a drink. I
