I just tell them one thing.
“They made me safe.”
Tyson “Torch”
This past month has been nothing but me fixing up my house during the day and drinking at night. I only went into the master bedroom to grab my clothes and walk right out afterwards. I can’t deal with that yet.
I set up my clothes in the guest bedroom. We had one in case anyone needed a place to crash, and I’m thankful for that right now.
I tore down the bathroom and started renovating it. I needed a change, and I will slowly change each room.
I plan to keep the things that mean the most to me and remind me of Stacey, but I can’t keep living in a house that brings me back down into the darkness.
The bathroom had come along nicely, and I was able to add a huge bathtub and a double sink. I already decided to change the master bathroom to just a shower whenever I was ready to go into there, but I’ll save that project for last.
The kitchen was next on my list. I wasn’t the best cook in the world, but it would be good to update the appliances.
Honestly, Stacey and I had wanted to spend some of the next years fixing it, but we just didn’t have the time with everything going on at the club. Now I know that I had the time, and I also had a ton of money saved for this reason alone. I liked to work at the shop with most of the brothers but, since I have been nothing but a drunk, my dad and the president of our club cut off my work duties until I’m fully able to work without drinking or hung over since I could really hurt myself or someone else if I wasn’t careful. I fully understood and respected that. I had my cut from the businesses in town and a lot of savings, so I wasn’t in a hurry to start working again.
I hadn’t bothered to tell anyone what I was doing, but I’m sure my family will come over to check on me eventually and see the place.
Now that the bathroom is finished, I won’t have to shower at the club. It was an inconvenience to go there whenever I wanted a shower or to use the washroom.
The kitchen was completely torn apart, but I had been ordering pizza and drinking whisky, so it wouldn’t be used for a while anyway. It is a slow process for me to go through everything and decide what I wanted to keep because of its sentimental value.
One thing for sure was that Stacey wouldn’t have wanted me to keep this house as a shrine to her. Plus, working on the house keeps my mind busy.
The only person I had really had any contact with was Camilla. She was sending me pictures every few days of that damn bear and any crazy thing she had gotten him into.
It had seemed to be the only thing to put a smile on my face these days. The only other things that had made me smile were my niece and nephews.
The other day, I had gotten a picture of her and the bear sitting in what looks like their backyard. The bear was laying back in the little leather jacket on top of a towel with sunglasses on and a drink with an umbrella in his hand. I’m pretty sure that there was an umbrella in the background too.
Most of the pictures had been taken inside her parents’ house which is where she is staying right now. All her stuff was moved into there. I’m not surprised that she’s not ready to go outside yet.
The only other picture she had given me that wasn’t inside her parents’ house was at the gym. The bear had shorts over its clothes and a facecloth draped over its shoulders. Her brother must have taken the picture for her because I had seen her in the background ready to take some guy to the ground.
When I had asked her about it, she simply told me that she was learning self-defence. I was completely proud of her for that. She may not see it, but she was slowly getting herself back together.
Taking the time to go to therapy and the gym for self-defence takes a lot for her, yet she does it every day. All it takes is one step at a time.
Today, I’m getting ready for the family BBQ, but I don’t feel the need to go. I know that I have to show up or my mother will come here and literally pull me by my ear which is something that I don’t want to be subjected to as a grown man.
I have a shower and change into jeans and a t-shirt before putting my cut on. I take a glance at myself in the mirror and I’m definitely not the man I used to be.
I have a beard now, but I’m not in the mood to shave it off today. My hair could use a cut, but that will happen in time.
Just like Camilla is doing.
One step at a time.
One moment at a time.
Chapter Seven
Tyson “Torch”
I get to the Clubhouse and it’s already packed with members and family.
My nephew Hale runs up to me and wraps his arms around my leg.
“Hey buddy,” I say as I pick him up.
“Uncle Tyson! I missed you,” he says giving me another hug.
Fuck, that feels like a punch to the gut. I know that I haven’t been around, but I didn’t think about what my niece
