I couldn't sleep. I would think that I was going to, even close my eyes, but then I would smell smoke, and sit up. The clock would remind me I had only had my eyes closed for five minutes.
So I sat in the bed, and I pulled the covers to my face. I thought about what she might want to do if she decided to come after me. I thought about her grabbing acid this time around, and pouring it over my entire body. I thought about her cold stare, watching me writhe and scream as the flames licked my body and consumed me.
I thought about Julie. I thought about how she might decide to burn Julie instead, and make me watch. Julie's screams sounded so real in my ear, until I finally closed my palms over them.
I picked up my phone, determined to call Julie, to make sure she was okay, then I stopped myself. Waking her up wasn't necessary. I was just overreacting, and scared.
But, as the seconds ticked by, and I continued to hear her screams in my ear, I texted her.
Are you awake?
It was a few minutes before she texted me:
Ever since you left :) What up?
I sat there, and stared at the phone screen. I touched a key, then retracted. I sat there with my hands shaking, and my mind reeling before I finally texted her back:
I need you.
It wasn't long before she texted me back again, and when she did, I jumped up and grabbed my keys and left the house as quietly as I could without waking Ava.
Julie texted:
I'll be waiting outside.
♥
And she was. She was standing by the curb with a blanket wrapped around her. She smiled as I pulled up, and got inside.
“You know, I think it's about time we snuck out. Damaged goods should get to be naughty kids sometimes too,” she told me, buckling herself in.
I laughed, and eased away from her house. “Any place in particular you want to go?” I asked.
“Nope. Just drive until you're ready to stop.”
I was sure she didn't know that I never wanted to stop. I wanted to just keep driving and never look back. I had her, and everything else seemed miniscule in light of that.
But I did eventually stop. I stopped when I realized I was on the same path Liam had lead me down. I stopped where the car had finally came to a stop, and then, and leaned back and drew in a deep breath.
Julie wrapped her blanket around herself, and she leaned over, laying her head on my lap. She looked up at me with a smile, her bare feet pressed against the glass.
“So, what's going on?” she asked me with that crooked smile of hers. Despite the angst and indecision I was feeling, her smile could always brighten up things.
I ran my hand over the skin of her head. It was smooth now. Not like sandpaper anymore. Just skin against skin, but it comforted me. Everything about Julie comforted me.
“My mother is being released,” I told her.
Julie's eyes widened, and she leaned up, scooting closer to me, without sitting on my lap. Her hand touched my cheek, and I saw real concern. I saw her worry.
“When?” she asked, her voice bewildered.
“A few days, I think. Ava wasn't really sure,” I told her.
Julie sat there for a moment, and I felt her fingers brushing over the burns. She caressed them as she always did when she wanted to comfort me. She knew she was the only person that could touch me.
No one else ever touched my scars. I wouldn't let them, unless it was a doctor thing. Ava had never touched them, and I was sure she didn't want to. I wasn't angry about that either. I never wanted to touch them.
But Julie, from the first time she had ever laid her fingers against my skin, she hadn't asked for permission. She had just done so, because she was Julie.
After that, I hadn't flinched when she touched me. I started welcoming the feel of her warm skin against mine. Her touch made me feel like less of a monster, and more of a guy.
She held a lot of power in that touch, and she knew it.
“You've never told me what she did to you,” she told me, meeting my eyes hesitantly.
“I've never told anyone really,” I told her. “No one ever asked.”
She didn't smile, but instead, moved her hand back, as if she were brushing back hair. Her eyes followed the movement, because she was nervous. “Would you tell me?” she asked.
I swallowed back, because I knew I would. It didn't change the growing anxiety inside. Five years of not saying a word, now to be broken by the bald, green eyed girl in front of me.
Because she could break me with a sweep of her smile.
“Our mom was a waitress by day, but at night, she'd meet up with guys and have sex with them. They'd give her money, so I guess you could say she was a hooker, or a prostitute. Ava was the one that took care of me until she went off to college. Ava was the only one that could keep her sane, and after she left, our mother went a little crazy.
“She would burn herself with water sometimes, taking a shower. After she'd go out, she'd burn whatever clothes she had worn, and she'd scrub until her skin was red and irritated. Ava always knew what to
