88
Foster independent travelers
Just as you taught them to order food for themselves and do their own laundry, you can help your children become competent, savvy travelers. Sit with your young children and make a list of what they want to bring on family trips. As they get older, let them pack for themselves. If you’re adventurous, you can even assign parts of your vacation itinerary to your kids. When they’re in college and need to book a train ticket home, they will have the confidence to do so.
89
Teach money skills
Your child needs to learn how to manage money. Allowance is not payment for services, such as doing chores, but rather, it’s money you allow your child to have, simply for being a family member. If your daughter has a weekly income, you can teach her how to save for something she wants. She will learn how to valuate toys, candy, make-up, or arcade games. You can guide at first, but try not to judge how the allowance is spent. Let her make mistakes and learn lessons here and now, rather than years from now in real life with credit cards.
90
Not all feelings are good, and that is okay
Sometimes our children are not happy and, as parents, we often feel the urge to “fix” that. While our instincts drive us to step in, it’s important for kids to develop coping skills. It is tough when your child is excluded from a party, does not get a part in the play, or is benched during a game. Be there to acknowledge their feelings and give them a hug, but stay away from interfering phone calls or emails. Once we see our kids can handle unhappy on their own, our anxiety will dissipate, and we won’t feel the need to make everything better.
91
Teach a proper greeting
First impressions matter, and making a good one is often simply a matter of knowing how to respond when you’re introduced. A warm greeting is simple: Look the person in the eye, smile, and say, “Nice to meet you.” The most intimidating part of this is usually maintaining eye contact, which is something you can practice at home. Whether your kids are visiting a new doctor or meeting the parents of a new friend, this is a skill that will give them confidence and serve them for the rest of their lives.
92
Teach good table manners
Good table manners can start with an Internet video on how to use a fork and knife properly. Then, there are a few simple rules you can teach your child, so they will always feel comfortable at any table:
- Put your napkin on your lap
- Wait to eat until everyone is served
- Compliment the cook
- Ask to be excused
- Help clear the table
Bonus points: never sit until the cook is seated.
93
Coach “please” and “thank you”
This may seem obvious, but unfortunately it’s not. “Please” and “thank you” can never be said too much. Mastering this simple social skill will put your kids in good stead for their entire lives. Coach them until it is deeply ingrained. Set a good example by thanking parents after a play-date; thank the person who makes dinner; thank the waitress at the diner; thank the bus driver. Please, keep reminding your kids, and thank them as well.
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
—Charles R. Swindoll
CHAPTER 9FAMILY MANAGEMENT
94
Have a grab-and-go option for breakfast
As your kids get older, they will be less likely to want to sit down for breakfast before school. Having something nutritious around that they can take to eat on the bus or as a snack in school may be more realistic, and it will help keep the peace first thing in the morning. Protein bars, yogurt, fruit and cheese, and trail mix are some ideas. Put these items on your grocery list and pre-make something like pumpkin muffins or hard-boiled eggs over the weekend, so they are ready to go first thing Monday morning.
95
Pack up the night before
Pack whatever you need the night before—and have your children do the same. Homework, musical instrument, sports attire and equipment, snacks, whatever they need to succeed the next day. Think how much more relaxed mornings will be if the backpacks and all the extras are by the door and ready to go. No more scrambling for that missing cleat or the music for after-school band practice. Even if your kids come home before after-school activities, have them pack everything up the night before. Bonus—you will avoid being late!
96
Create routines
Just as we love traditions, most of us love routines, and kids thrive on them. Critical times tend to be in the morning before school and at bedtime. Allowing your kids to be part of establishing the routines will make them more likely to be willing participants. Do they want to make their bed or get dressed first? Put on pajamas or brush their teeth first? Make a chart together (adding pictures for your little ones) and hang it up. Then, stick to it.
97
Create a dressing system
Fighting with your kids about what they should wear is no fun at all. Try giving your children some control over their attire by creating three different categories:
- Wear anything
- Nice Casual
- Dressy
Once your child knows which clothes fit into each category, let them select for themselves. You’ll avoid arguments and be teaching them it is important to dress appropriately for different occasions.
98
Make dinner plans
Take some stress out of
