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Go ask your (other) parent
Without the proper context, sending your child to a different parent can come across as a lack of interest or as dismissive. If your son is asking for permission, tell him you’re not sure yet and you’ll discuss it with Dad. This allows you and your partner to be on the same page without your child feeling pawned off on the other parent.
It’s not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.
—Ann Landers
CHAPTER 8LIFE SKILLS
Dear Sally,
Thank you for giving me the beautiful red sweater for my birthday. I love it and i’m going to wear it to school on Monday.
Please come see us again soon.
Love, Amy
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Write thank you notes
Someday, when the US Post Office becomes obsolete, snail mail thank you notes can be dispensed with, but even then, something equally as thoughtful and personal should take their place. Let children know that handwritten notes are treasures. When anyone bestows a kindness—a gift or even just a great time—putting some extra effort into conveying appreciation is a simple way to make someone feel good.
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Teach your kids to use an alarm clock
It is not your job to wake your children. It is merely your job to provide them with the tools they can use to wake up on their own. Start young and let your son know he is a big boy, and you bet he can use an alarm clock. This is a very easy way to give children some power and control over their lives. Older kids can use the alarm feature on their phones. And, very young children can be taught they cannot wake you up until the alarm goes off—an extra treat for you!
80
Teach your kids to hydrate
Got a headache? Drink water. Feeling tired? Drink water. Hungry even though you just ate? Drink some more water. A glass of water first thing in the morning is a great habit to instill in kids. Don’t wait until thirst sets in. Few of us drink enough water, and when we are not sufficiently hydrated, nothing in our body works as well as it could or should. This old saying holds true: your wee should be clear, not yellow!
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Be on time
If you can learn to be on time, your kids will learn to be on time as well. If you are rushing around at the last minute, yelling for your kids to pack up and get in the car, this will be their normal. Set the example, and then make sure your kids are on time for school, practice, lessons, doctor appointments, everything. Prepare in advance, build in extra travel time, and keep away from your phone. When you stop to check your email one more time, before you know it, you are late. Set a good example.
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Remember the importance of sleep
Not only do you need to be well rested, but your children need plenty of sleep as well. Lack of sleep makes for cranky, irritable children. In addition, they will be less engaged, less focused at school, and less able to handle little stressors. Good sleep habits are touted as a cornerstone in the lives of many successful people, so get your kids started on this early.
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Model patience
Children are not born patient. They learn to be patient, and they learn it from watching you. So, when you are in a slow line at the store or in stand-still traffic on the way to the water park, take a deep breath before you start your rant. Show your child that it is okay to be frustrated by something and still have a sense of humor about it. This will make everyone’s life better.
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Teach your kids how to do their own laundry
Separating lights and darks, measuring the soap, and using the buttons and dials on the washing machine and dryer are all easy ways a young child can pitch in with this neverending chore. Slightly older children can match socks. By middle school, your child should be able to do their own laundry from amassing, to folding, to putting it away. Does that mean they must do their laundry? That’s up to you.
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Skills instead of solutions
Have you ever solved a problem, big or small, and walked away feeling proud? That’s the same feeling a child gets every time they conquer something in their world. It makes them more competent, capable, and confident. Every time you solve a problem for your child, you rob them of one of those experiences. Break down and coach the skills needed to solve a problem. If something seems irreparable, ask, “What do you think you (or we) should do next time?” Ask, don’t tell. This is mentoring, not fixing.
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Teach kids to advocate for themselves
Coach your child in the skills required to get what they need in the world. This can start with having them ask to borrow another child’s shovel at the beach and evolve into encouraging them to talk to teachers, coaches, store clerks, and other parents. Role play early on, so they feel comfortable. When children can advocate for themselves, they can create situations in which they can thrive. Each time they do, they become better and more comfortable at it.
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Teach OHIO—Only Handle It Once
A dirty plate skips the sink and goes right in the dishwasher. A coat comes off, skips the living room chair, and goes straight to a hook or hanger. Open a box, put the contents away, and toss the box
