6
Leave your past in the past
When you tell your children, “You don’t know how lucky you are …,” you are inadvertently burdening them with your old baggage. When a child hears about your past struggles, they take some of that inside themselves. They cannot do anything about your past and they should not feel as though they must. Stories about your own tough fourth-grade teacher are okay as long as they are stories you would share at a dinner party. Anything touchier than that, leave for your own BFFs.
7
Turn off your phone
When you are with your child, set your phone to Do Not Disturb. Or better yet, put it away. This gesture says, “Right now, there is nothing more important than you!” Setting aside time when you can unplug and not be interrupted is essential to quality time with your children. They will know you are with them 100 percent. And as a bonus, you are setting a great example by not being glued to your phone.
8
Spend time with people you like
Stop hanging out with people that don’t make you feel good about yourself or your parenting. You are not obligated to be friends with or spend time with anyone, even if they are parents of your children’s friends. Showing your kids that there is no place in your life for people who bring you down will help your kids learn to navigate their own friendships.
9
It’s okay to do something for yourself
Whether it’s getting a babysitter for an hour or hiring a housekeeper occasionally, we all need assistance sometimes to find some essential alone time. Accept offers of help from friends or family and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Nap during your child’s nap time. Watch mindless television. Take a bath. Call a friend. These short, relaxing snippets of time are not only extremely valuable to your health and well-being, they will help you be a more relaxed parent.
One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun.
—Jane Goodall
CHAPTER 2FAMILY TIME
Our Family Traditions:
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Create your own family traditions
You can build “We always …” moments around practically anything. “We always wake up to a treasure hunt on our birthdays.” “We always play I Spy on long car rides.” “We always celebrate the last day of school with ice cream in the park.” Even if your kids get old enough that they groan when you start performing the Snow Day Dance, deep down they like it. Innocent traditions like these help weave the fabric of family legacy.
11
Celebrate family milestones together
Moving into a big kid bed. Learning to ride a bike. Losing a tooth. Getting braces off. You can avoid having one child feel left out of another child’s accomplishment by making it a point to celebrate everyone’s milestones as a family. This is an opportunity for siblings to learn to be supportive of one another and enjoy each other’s big moments and successes.
12
Share your fun childhood stories
Tell your kids about fun facts or happenings from when you were a child, especially stories that correspond to your child’s current age. Were you mischievous? Did you forget lines in the school play? Were you a class clown? Did you and your friends have a secret fort in the woods? Kids love to hear these stories, and they’ll probably ask you to tell them over and over. These anecdotes make you more relatable and sometimes open the door to kids sharing more about their own world. Just remember to leave your negative stories behind.
Activities We’d Like to do Together:
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Try something new as a family
Is there an activity you have been wanting to try? Cooking a new recipe with some first-time ingredients. Exploring a new town. Maybe you have never been hiking. Now is the time. Have family members take turns at coming up with the ideas. You’re sure to have a lot of fun, and you’ll create great memories. You might even invent new family traditions.
14
Start meals with a family question
“How was your day?” is a legitimate thing to ask, but it rarely leads to real conversation and more often shuts it down. Instead, make mealtime sharing fun by creating a set of family questions that keep the conversation flowing. Get help from games like Table Topics, or even better, let the kids take turns helping to write them—they may have things they want to ask you about, too. Encourage new questions and add them to your list. Keep the list handy at meal time to help start real conversations.
15
Spend alone time with each child
There is no substitute for one-on-one time with each child. Positive, focused attention helps to build and maintain an emotional connection. If you can swing 10 to 15 minutes every day, great. If you can’t, make sure your kids know spending alone time with them is important to you and schedule it whenever possible. To make the most of this time, do whatever your child wants. That might be building a tower or playing make-believe. If your kids are older, maybe ask them to teach you how to play their favorite video game or show you a favorite app.
16
Play board games together
Board games are not just fun, they offer opportunities to shake up family roles. Games like Chutes and Ladders require luck, not skill, so the littlest family members can win fair and square. Some kids will rule in games like Pictionary,
