"Tell me what's wrong Av? What have I done?" Tears pricked in my eyes and I watched her bite down on her lip.
"I can't do this for the rest of my life Haz." She was now looking directly at me and my stomach churned. "I can't fuck you in the bathroom of my graduation forever. I can't avoid you in the day and spend the nights in your bed." Her voice cracked as she looked away from my eyes. "I'm in love with you Harry. So fucking in love with you," she wiped a tear off her face and took a breath "but I can't do this for the rest of my life. I can't hide us to keep myself safe." I watched her gulp and ran my fingers over her cheek. Her eyes closed and she kissed my hand softly. "We should get back." I shook my head at her and held her there for a while.
"Av don't," I tried to hold on to my voice and I shook my head as I released her. "Is this it then?" I muttered and watched her kiss my cheek.
"Please don't go back on that shit Haz. Don't kill yourself." I shook my head frantically and gripped onto her.
"Please Av, don't fucking do this." I was begging. She couldn’t look me in the eyes. She glanced towards me and prized my hands off her.
“Haz don’t make this harder.” Her eyes were full of tears again and for the first time in a long time I felt water escape my eyes. She unlocked the bathroom and made her way out of the loo. I followed her as I wiped my eyes, she shook her head at me. I gripped her hands in mine.
“Where has this come from?” I questioned. People surrounded us today should have been one of the best days of her life. “Tell me Av? What have I done?” I pleaded with her and she stood still.
“I can’t.” She whispered and blinked away tears. She pressed something into the palm of my hand and then released them. I watched her walk away. This all felt too real and far too final. I glanced down at a piece of paper in them and placed it in my pocket. My chest became tighter and a familiar burning feeling re-appeared. I ran my hand over my head and searched for Jay. I needed to get out of here.
Jay was still standing speaking to somebody and no matter what I tried he didn’t look up. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I saw him calling.
“Why are you at her graduation?” He questioned. His tainted Italian accent made everything in me bubble.
“What do you want with her?” I muttered. I’d never felt a pain like this. My chest hurt. I placed my hand against it and heard him laugh.
"Aww Harry you don't seem yourself?" His tone was patronising and I shook my head.
"What have you said to her?" I spat at him. He continued to laugh and I placed the phone down and in my pocket. I wanted nothing more to do with him. He'd done something or said something to her I knew it. My eyes were really welling up as I looked back up Lena was standing next to me.
"What's wrong Harry?" She squeezed my arm, her grip was comforting and as I looked towards her I gulped down the lump in my throat, forcing a smile.
"Nothing Lena, I'm okay." I sounded sure of this when in reality I was anything but.
I powered through more speeches and formalities and held it together well. As best as I could. Chlo had said Av had left pretty much straight after the ceremony and nobody knew where she'd gone. My chest thudded at the sound of her name. We were chatting with a man from another business who was involved in the graduate scheme and I placed my hand in my pocket. I felt the note and as I took it out her fancy writing covered the piece of paper.
'I never wanted to hurt you and I'll love you for the rest of my life. I've done this for you… I'll see you at Honey's and Mike's Wedding.x'
I gripped the note in my hand and exhaled. I closed my eyes momentarily and felt Chlo grip my arm. She peaked over my shoulder and read the note. Her dark eyes glazed over.
"What the fuck is that?" She questioned under her breath. I shook my head and placed my arm around her softly.
"She's just left me." Her eyes flickered and widened at my words. I couldn't make eye contact with her. I felt her squeeze me tightly and gulped.
"There's a message in there Haz. I don't think this was her choice?" I watched her place the note back in my pocket. "I know her Haz." Her voice was sad. So sad and my guess was that mine would be worse.
"I hope your right. I don't think I'll make it if your not Chlo." The sound of desperation left my mouth. A sound I'd never heard before.
Holt - Sunday
I knew I'd told him to meet me at Mike and Honey's wedding but now I wasn't so sure I was ready to tell him. I no longer felt sure of myself. Soph and Nance had joined me at home and the sinking feeling returned again. I felt empty. I ached for him. Nance pulled a face and exhaled.
"You've been so quiet since graduation?" She questioned as though she wanted a response however I didn't want to answer her. Soph looked up from her phone and sighed.
"Are you going to the wedding?" I shrugged. I hadn't made up my mind. "Honey and Mike won't miss us if we don't go?" She added softly and I felt Nance place her head on my shoulder. I frowned a little and went to open my mouth.
"I have to go. He deserves to know?"
