“I needed the toilet.” She leaned down slightly to plant a kiss against my lips and I tasted myself on her. She smirked as if she knew that would happen and I flushed a little. She was kinda filthy and I loved it. “I’ll be back in less than 2 minutes.” Her words were softly spoken and I nodded as I watched her perfect naked ass waltz away from me into my en-suite. How the fuck am I suppose to let her go? I lay back against my bed and placed my hands behind my head. Somehow I had to let her go but I didn’t know how. It seemed easier to think about hurting her when she wasn’t around and I wasn’t staring into her beautiful eyes. I bit down on my lip as she entered my bedroom again, flicking the light to the ensuite off behind her. She gave me a shy smile and I let my eyes examine her again. She lay next to me and placed her leg over mine as she faced me. I turned my head towards where she was laying and smiled at her. I knew she was holding something back from me but I didn’t know what.
“You look like you want to say something?” I probed and she nodded.
“I do have something to say but I’m not going to.” I watched her eyes drop towards my chest and watched as her fingers traced around my heart against my chest. I closed my eyes softly and heard her sigh. “Why did you bring me up here when you wouldn’t even look at me in the car?” She didn’t make my eye contact and didn’t stop tracing my heart with her fingers as she asked the question. It thudded slightly harder.
“It was a shock seeing Holly.” I admitted.
“Who was she?” She questioned and in the darkness of the room I was sure I could see tears welling in her eyes. I didn’t want to tell her about her or the past or of the future I nearly had with her. I grimaced as I shook my head and watched her stop messing with my chest. I turned to face her and watched her eyes burrow into me. “Why was she with them?” Another question that I really didn’t want to answer and I shook my head again. I wished at that moment that I could have re-wound time to just 15 minutes before and watched as she leant up to look at me. “Will I end up like her?” I shook my head. Her words were saddened and I ran my fingers over her cheek.
“No you won’t Av because I won’t let that happen.” My words were strong. They didn’t reflect at all how I was feeling. “I’ve gotta leave you alone Av. We can’t do this again. It’s too risky.” I closed my eyes briefly, trying my hardest to stop the sorrow from hitting me full force and felt her lips against mine. Her breath was sweet and she placed her delicate little hand against my face.
“Can I lay like this for the rest of the night at least?” Her voice was barely a whisper and I nodded. I glanced at her eyes, they were dripping with tears and I felt as though my chest was about to split. I fucking hated seeing her cry. I was doing this to her again.
I stayed with her while she fell asleep, and shortly after. Well probably more than shortly afterwards. She looked pained in her sleep, almost tortured and I kissed her head softly before I gathered my clothes from off the floor and made my way into Jay’s room down the hall. His tired mud brown eyes looked up towards me. He glanced up and down my body and shook his head.
“Fuck sake Haz.” I threw my clothes towards him and gripped the front of my hair.
“She knows it won’t happen again and that we have to stop.” He raised his brow and ruffled the front of his hair. His room was still dimly lit by his bedside lamps and he seemed relaxed. The complete opposite to me. I placed myself down next to him and watched him glance towards the desk in the corner of his room where Rava’s bag of recreation was.
“I could do with some.” I half laughed and watched him shrug.
“I’ll do it with you if you wanna go out and forget about it all? I’m down for that?” I nudged his arm and looked across at the white powder. I shrugged and watched as he picked my shirt off the floor and handed it to me. “Get dressed. We’ll go back out.” I exhaled and did as he said. He changed from his loose black T and placed his white shirt back on. His abs were on their way to catching up with mine and I rolled my eyes. “You sure your up for this?” He questioned as he chopped the powder with his bank card and I nodded before I placed it out in a line. I pushed my head towards it and sniffed. The sharp feeling against my nose was familiar and comforting. This was what I knew. I belonged in this world. I nodded and watched Jay do his line before we left Alfie’s house.
Holt - Saturday
I pushed the memories from last night out of my head. Holly, Haz and me and what he had said before he left when I fell asleep. I flicked through the channels on his television and heard the door knock. I looked up half expecting to see Haz and was slightly disappointed when I saw a rather sweaty Mr Conway. He glanced down
