He pulls on his jacket, his helmet, sliding onto his bike. It doesn’t take half an hour to get to the gas station, but he can’t stay home without those thoughts circling like vultures in his mind. So he twists the throttle, roaring down the street, leaving the visor open so the wind brushes by his face.
Kade rides out of town briefly, down the narrow, winding roads through the forest. Then he rides back out, rolling into the gas station at five minutes to four, and waits by the side door to the building, helmet under his arm.
He still doesn’t know what to say to Felix. It had been reckless, offering Felix his protection. He doesn’t even know if Felix wants it.
At 4:01 PM, Felix strides out of the convenience store. He glances around the gas station, at the dusty sedans filling with gas, then to the side, where Kade waits with his bike. Felix’s gaze lingers at Kade’s feet, until he finally drags it up, meeting his eyes. Kade’s stomach jolts.
“Did that bastard harass you?” Kade asks. He can’t help glancing at Felix’s abdomen, though, and the bump is still there, less obvious with the maroon shirt on. Behind that shirt is a second life, one Kade didn’t help create. It still feels wrong.
“No. Rick wasn’t in today,” Felix says. He drifts to a stop three feet away from Kade, his gaze fixed on the curb. His lavender scent is barely-there, unlike the heavy scent in the department store. “So that was nice.”
“Yeah.” Kade doesn’t know what else he can say to his omega, so he leans against the bike, running words through his mind, tracing his gaze over Felix’s slender, pale limbs, the smooth line of his jaw.
He wants to pull Felix close again. Wants to smell that heavy lavender scent. He’d fill his lungs with it.
“Look,” he says, at the same time Felix says, “Actually, I—”
They fall silent, Felix’s gaze flying up warily to lock with his. “You go first,” Kade says.
Felix purses his lips, looking away. “It’s not that important. I... I decided I’m moving later this week.”
Kade swallows, his chest growing tight. That’s not important? “You’re still leaving?”
“Yeah... a few days from now.” Felix hugs himself, his gaze downcast. “I need time to do some things.”
Stay with me, Kade wants to say, but Felix isn’t carrying their child. Why would he stick with Kade? “You need rides anywhere?”
Felix jerks his shoulders. “Maybe. Just to get some boxes, I guess. I threw some away when I moved back.”
It hurts to ask, “Where are you going this time?”
“I haven’t decided.”
Kade looks at the baby bump again—someone else, something wrong between them. He doesn’t know how to solve this. It’s not like programming, where you delete some words in the code, and the app will run smoother than before. “If you need to bunk somewhere, I’ve got space in my house.”
Felix nods. But he’s still looking away, and Kade’s skin feels too tight on him. They’re bondmates. How could this even have happened? Felix’s arms drift to his belly. Kade blurts, “How long—When did you find out?”
Felix glances down at his abdomen, his fingers curving around the bump. In that moment, Kade imagines his future: cradling his child with a wide grin, marrying a faceless alpha, laughing with a new family. He swallows.
“A few months,” Felix says. “I think it’s due around December.”
Kade sucks in a slow breath. “So all those times you said you were on the pill...”
“I wasn’t, no.” Felix’s throat works.
Kade closes his eyes, breathing through the ache in his chest. They’ve been seeing each other for months, and he can’t imagine Felix lying to him for that long. Kade has seen through all his lies before. “Okay,” he says. “Okay.”
It’s still not okay.
“Do you have a name for it?” he asks, trying not to think about all this. Felix shakes his head. “Why?”
“I haven’t been to the doctor,” Felix says, hugging himself. “So... I don’t really know what name to give it.”
Kade stares. “Shouldn’t you have gone? I thought... pregnant people visit the doctor. Do the ultrasounds and all that.”
“Just haven’t had time, I guess.”
“You should make an appointment,” Kade says. “I’m taking you there.”
Felix laughs, low and raw, and his mouth twists halfway between a smile and a grimace. “Taylor said the same thing. Why do you... Why...”
He sucks in a sharp breath, blinking hard, and he looks like he’s going to cry again. Kade swears, stepping forward. It feels so natural, folding Felix into his arms. Felix trembles against him, tears glittering along his lashes. Kade smooths a comforting hand down his back.
“I hate... hate crying,” Felix gasps. “I hate being pregnant.”
Kade’s heart cracks. He’d assumed that Felix wants the baby. And maybe he understands a bit of why Felix has lied to him, if Felix has never wanted to acknowledge the baby in the first place. He presses Felix’s face into his shoulder, holding him close. Felix’s hands tangle in his shirt, his entire body shaking.
“Why are you keeping it?” Kade asks. Felix sobs harder, tears soaking into Kade’s shirt, and Kade regrets asking that. “Look, you’re gonna be fine, okay?”
Felix shakes his head, his voice muffled. “I’m not.”
Kade doesn’t know what to say to that, because he wants Felix to be happy, and he doesn’t know how to solve any of this. All he can do is hold him, help him however he needs.
He buries his nose in Felix’s hair, breathing in deep. Under the musk of sweat, he smells faint lavender, and that other note of honey. Then he traces his wrist over Felix’s nape again, down his back, and for a while, he pretends Felix is still his.
After a while, Felix’s sobs taper off. Kade brushes
