“Because it’d be easier than seeing you and having you hate me.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t hate you, Derek. I didn’t understand. I was hurt, and angry, but I never hated you. I loved you too much to hate you.”
The waiter clears his throat and we both lean back with a polite smile. My heart is beating against my chest and I grab the wine, thankful for the distraction. That was a pretty intense first ten minutes of a date.
We both order the pasta with a grin shared between us. After the waiter leaves, Derek and I sit in comfortable silence. There’s so much to unbox from our previous conversation, I think we both need a second to process.
“Did Chastity know you were coming out?”
“She did. I don’t keep much from her and I thought if she was going to hear about our date, it was better coming from me.”
“Again, another display of how inept I am at dealing with my own kid.”
God, I can only imagine what that means. “I take it Everly knows?”
“She does.”
“And she took it well, I see.”
He laughs. “It’s hard. She knew that you and Meghan didn’t get along.”
“Well, that’s not entirely true.” I didn’t have a problem with his wife. And really, his wife had nothing on me. I didn’t write that damn journal entry. I never once made any kind of advance toward Derek. They were married, and no matter how broken I was over it, I didn’t do anything to warrant her hatred. “I thought I got along with Meghan, she didn’t like me for something you did.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not really first-date discussion.”
“I don’t think you and I could have an authentic first date,” I say with a smile. I don’t want my first, and probably only, date with Derek to be a bad thing. “We might as well call it what it is when it comes to us—weird.”
I want to be able to remember tonight with affection. This has been something I’ve dreamed of and now it’s here. The last thing I want is us spending it bickering or talking about heavy shit.
“How can you still do that?”
“Do what?”
“Change topics so fast. It was always something I wished I could do.”
“It’s a gift,” I say and then take a sip of my wine.
I’ve never really tried to dwell on things that don’t matter. I like to handle it and move on, except where Derek is concerned. He’s always been my weakness.
“Okay, well, how did Chastity take it?”
“The truth?” I ask.
“Always.”
Chastity is a great kid. She never has given me pushback and usually is very supportive when it comes to things regarding me living a life, but this time not so much. “I want to preface this by saying it’s not you.”
“It’s my daughter.”
I nod. “She loves you. She thinks you’re really funny, clearly she doesn’t know your humor is lacking, and she’s learning a lot by working with you. I think she’s just afraid that you and I could mess that up.”
She also said she’ll cut all my hair off in my sleep if I ever think she’s going to live under the same roof as Everly. Sad thing is, I don’t doubt her.
“I would never stop allowing her to work with me. Chastity is great with the animals and a huge help,” he says earnestly.
“Other than she came back telling me her male cat is actually a pregnant female.”
“Yeah, there’s that, but she’s been reading a lot about what to expect—”
“Oh, I heard all about it. I didn’t realize they even have photos to help guide her through.”
Derek laughs and shrugs. “I thought she should be prepared.”
“How noble of you.”
“I’d be happy to keep Mrs. Stinkers when she’s closer to her due date.”
I roll my eyes. I didn’t want a cat to begin with, now to find out we may end up with a litter of kittens and the cat. Freaking kid. She’s lucky I love her so much.
“You can keep her longer. Think of it as a gift from me…like a mascot for the office.”
Derek shakes his head with a smile. “You’re too kind, but I think your daughter really needs a cat. It’s imperative for kids to have pets.”
We grew up so differently. He had so many animals, mostly because his father was fixing them, whereas I had none. I feel pretty okay with the fact that I didn’t have anything else to take care of. My weekends were for cheerleading and stupid boys.
Maybe I should get her two cats…
“You might have a point.”
He leans back with that shit-eating grin that looks sexy on him. “I usually do.”
The rest of the evening is very sweet. We have a great dinner—well, an edible one—and we talk about the past. A lot of old memories where we did stupid things and thankfully didn’t get caught. It took my mother almost two years to figure out I snuck out to meet Derek on the beach most nights.
It was our thing, though.
The time when the rest of the world faded away and we were just two friends on a beach.
“Tell me more about your painting,” he says as we finish another glass of wine.
“What about it?”
“Why aren’t you selling them?”
I sigh. “I don’t want to share them. They’re just for me.”
It’s not that I don’t think they’re good, because I do, but then I think every painter thinks that. If I didn’t love them, I wouldn’t create them. Those paintings are my art, my soul, my truths all laid out for someone to see. Giving that to another to judge is…terrifying. I’m not that brave. I’m still trying to figure out what the story I’m painting really is. Is it my sadness? Or is it the hope of what I think the world could look like on the shore?
“I think they’re beautiful.”
My heart swells with pride from his compliment. Nina and Chastity always tell me they love them but there’s something different about it coming
