“I’m not just saying it,” he insists.
“I didn’t think you were.”
“It’s the perspective of the painting. It really shows so much and the colors are vivid but not so in-your-face that you don’t know where to look. I felt like you were showing me something that I’ve seen so many times, but never really understood. You have an amazing talent, Teagan, and you should share it with the world.”
“I don’t think you understand. I’ve failed at pretty much everything in my life. I don’t need one more thing to not be good enough at. For now, it’s an outlet that I love.”
He shakes his head. “You aren’t failing at anything. You’ve done an amazing job with your life, and your paintings are another thing that you should be proud of.”
I place my hand on his and he stops talking. The two of us look down at where we’re joined. His other hand covers mine and my breathing slows. It’s like everything in the room around us fades. We’re the only thing in this moment that exists.
I’ve seen it in movies and listened to Nina describe it in books and thought it was lame, but here it is, happening to me.
Derek has always made things come into perspective for me. He was the grounding force in my life when I had him. That’s why it hurt so damn much to lose him.
But he’s here now. He’s touching me, holding me steady, and keeping me from floating away. When he speaks of my art, somehow understanding what it is even when I don’t, it’s indescribable.
It’s like drifting but being tethered, bringing me back in when I go too far. He pushes me outside of the bubble I’ve put myself in, and it’s scary and yet I’m not scared. How can this still be us? How can all this time have passed, but he is still the man who understands me at my core? After the years we’ve been apart our connection should’ve been broken, but it hasn’t.
Both of us continue to look at each other, questions, answers, and more questions passing between us.
“Do you want to take a walk?” he asks, pulling his hand back and breaking the spell we were under.
I nod without saying a word.
Derek stands, his hand extended to help me up. My fingers touch his palm, and that calm rushes over me again and I realize I was such a fool to think I could do one date and not come out unscathed.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Teagan
Present
I should’ve known this is where he’d want to go.
We pull up to the far end of the beach where we would meet all the time. In every way, this is our spot. The place where two kids found someone who would forever be a part of the other.
“You wanted to walk here instead of the town we were just in?” I ask as I exit my car.
“Was there any other option?”
I shake my head. “No. This is probably exactly the best place.”
Derek walks over with a blanket and takes my hand in his. “Come on.”
We make our way to the shore, set up a cozy spot, and sit. Twenty years ago, I would’ve sat in front of him, his arms around my middle, my head resting on his chest as I stared out at the sea, but now, we’re beside each other.
“Do you remember the night you told me you were pregnant?”
I release a half laugh because it wasn’t funny. I was more afraid of him than of my parents. Disappointing him was the last thing I wanted to do. Not to mention, I was horrified it happened.
“I don’t know that I could forget. I threw up four times before I saw you.”
“Well, you were pregnant.”
“It was nerves.”
He shifts so our shoulders are touching. “I felt so many things that day, it was really the first time I started to wonder if what I felt for you was more than friendship.”
“That was the day?”
“I was so pissed because I kept thinking it shouldn’t be Keith. He didn’t deserve to have that piece of you. I was beyond angry and couldn’t wrap my head around why. Which pissed me off further.”
I laugh. “Sounds like you.”
He wasn’t the only one pissed. I had the same emotions because I didn’t want to have a baby with Keith. I didn’t even want to be with him, but I was young and stupid. My feelings for Derek were growing by that point, and I knew he was who I loved, I just didn’t know how to express that.
Then I found out I was pregnant and it felt like I’d missed that chance.
“Yeah, but then…”
“Then you had Meghan.”
As angry or hurt as I was, I never told him how I felt. It wasn’t like he knew I was in love with him, but God, I couldn’t handle it.
I don’t know that it makes any of this any easier, but it’s the truth.
“I really didn’t know what I was feeling.”
“You don’t have to explain, Derek. We were kids, you were confused, I was pregnant, and it all fell apart. I will tell you, there is nothing close to the level of heartbreak I felt when I watched you marry her.”
I’ve never felt that level of emotional pain. Knowing he was going to pick her with me standing there. Watching them profess their love when all I wanted was for him to love me the way I loved him. It was excruciating. I wanted to be happy for him, God I tried, but I couldn’t.
There was the man I wanted to marry, marrying someone else.
I couldn’t do or say anything.
I was trapped, watching it, pretending my tears weren’t because my heart was being torn from my body.
When we stopped talking, it was different because he’d already hurt me once. I guess that makes me a fool, but…
He shakes his head. “I didn’t know.”
“I know you didn’t. But even if you did, would it have changed
