The moonlight shines down on his face, showing me his eyes. There is so much emotion in them, I can’t focus on one. “I don’t know what you feel. I don’t know what I feel,” I confess.
“When I do this…” He lifts his hand, pressing it to my cheek. “What do you feel?”
Everything.
“Warm.”
I feel his heat, the warmth that emanates from him, thawing my heart from the years I’ve kept it frozen. A fire inside of me that was just dwindling embers is kindling back up into a flame.
Then I remember that heat can burn you, scar you, and leave you exposed and raw.
“And what about this?” Derek leans in and I don’t move a muscle. His mouth inches closer and I don’t know what to do. If I let him kiss me now, there’s no drinks to blame it on, I’m stone-cold sober. However, his lips don’t touch mine, they press against my cheek. “What do you feel there?”
I release a shaky breath as I try to slow my racing heart. “Nervous.”
“Do you know what I feel when I touch you, Teagan?”
My head moves side to side.
“I feel content. I feel like everything makes sense in a world where none of this should.”
“It doesn’t make sense.”
His lips inch closer and I know that he is going to kiss me, not on the cheek, not on the nose, but he’s going to kiss me, own me, claim me as his and I don’t think I have the wherewithal to stop him.
“We make sense.” His voice is soft, as if he doesn’t want to disrupt the moment. “What do you want to feel, Teagan?”
My pulse is racing and every muscle in my body is pulled toward him.
I look up in his eyes as he waits. “Tell me something real,” I say with fear and hope.
Derek moves so our lips are a breath apart. “I’m really going to kiss you.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Derek
Present
The first time I kissed Teagan Berkeley we had been drinking, and even in the slight alcohol fog in the moment, everything felt right.
She felt right.
We are right.
This time, my entire life makes sense. It’s as if the pieces of me that were floating, searching for their rightful spot have just…connected.
Our mouths move together and I pull her in my arms. For so long I’ve felt such jarring emotions when it came to her. It was too intense and made no sense, but this is why. Because I didn’t know that having her would calm everything.
I hold her cheeks, needing to keep our lips fused. She’s the air, the ocean, and I would drown in her if I could.
She moans into my mouth and I push her to her back, cradling her as we go. Her fingers slide through my hair, gripping the strands as though she has to keep me here. I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
I kiss her for the years I couldn’t. I kiss her for the time that’s passed and I didn’t get to touch her. I kiss her as a promise and an apology because I hurt her. My heart, which has been dead inside, is beating and she’s who gave it back.
Maybe it was never mine to begin with and it’s always been Teagan’s.
“Derek.” She says my name in the softest tone.
“I’m here.”
Teagan’s eyes are filled with desire as she stares up at me. “This is real, right? This isn’t a dream.”
I shake my head. “It’s real.”
“Real.” She says the word as if it’s the first time.
Her fingertips graze my face and I watch her watching me. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”
“You’re not the only one.”
“This is going to be complicated,” Teagan warns.
I’m not sure if she’s telling me or reminding herself. However, I don’t care what we have to do to make this work. There is no way I can walk away. Not when everything in my life is finally fitting.
When I lost Meghan, I didn’t know what it meant. I thought it was a punishment of some sort. I believed I deserved to be alone now because it was how she must’ve felt.
Then, when I had to come back here, I again thought it was another way to have to be reminded of the man I couldn’t be for Meghan. I had no idea if Teagan was married or happy. Surely she had to be. She’s beautiful, funny, smart, and I never would’ve been able to handle watching her with another man.
“I can do complicated,” I assure her.
“We can’t tell anyone.”
I smile. “I can keep a secret.”
Teagan laughs and then runs her thumb across my lips. “I’m going to need to go slow.”
“Are you trying to give me an out?” I ask as I lean back, pulling her up with me.
“I’m just giving you the reality.”
My finger slides under her chin and I lift it so our eyes meet. “I don’t need fast. I don’t need to tell people—right now,” I say because I won’t be able to lie for very long. “I’ve waited a very long time for you, even when I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. We can go as slow as you need. We can tell as many or as few people as we want. The only thing you can’t do is tell me this is all we get.”
Time is fleeting. It doesn’t care that the reasons she may have are valid, because when it runs out, you can never get it back. I won’t live like that again. I know what I want. I see my life in front of me and every aspect has Teagan in it.
I’m buying that house because one day, she’ll live in it. I don’t know when, but it will happen. I don’t care if every room in that house has to be renovated, I know that it’s where Teagan and I will be.
Her eyes are warm and her smile
