I keep trying to picture life not in Sugarloaf, and I fail each time. My sister left and never looked back. My mother said she was completely fine deeding the farm to me when she left and she’s fine with me selling it now.
Milo clears his throat. “Give us some time, the one thing I’ve learned in my pathetic life is that there’s always another way. Until then, be sure to drive Declan fucking miserable for ever letting you go. Us brooding, stupid types can’t seem to resist a woman who doesn’t want us.”
Danielle bursts out laughing. “And trust me, he would know.”
“Running away again?” Sierra asks before drinking her coffee.
After spending the morning looking at houses, I landed in the coffee shop in her town and called her, hoping for some sisterly advice. Now, I regret my line of thinking.
“No, I came to make sure I was doing the right thing and find somewhere to live.”
Sierra places her cup down and then shrugs. “And have you figured out if it is the right thing? Did you tell Declan about the baby yet?”
I shake my head. “I plan to as soon as the house is sold and I know I’m leaving. If I do it before then and he offers me some grand life, I’ll back out, I know I will.”
“I think that’s a smart plan. Declan’s sense of right and wrong will win out.”
And that’s the exact issue. “He’ll offer to marry me because he wants to do what he thinks is the honorable thing, not because he loves me.”
Her hand touches mine. “I’m sorry.”
I sniff and then pull back. “That’s the saddest part, Sierra, he does love me. I know he does. He just doesn’t think he deserves to be happy.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he’s admitted it. He’s told me he wants me, he kisses me like a man who is desperate, but he’s so headstrong and won’t budge. I don’t get it. Why does he think pushing me away is better for me instead of loving me and letting us just be together? I feel like I could accept everything if I truly knew he didn’t love me.”
Sierra leans back in her chair and rubs her bottom lip. “You guys always seemed so steadfast, you know? I think I was more surprised by him leaving than I was when Dad left. It was almost as if nothing made sense.”
“No shit.”
“Have you asked him?”
“Of course I’ve asked him.”
Sierra smiles softly. “No, I mean point-blank. Why did you end things?”
I sigh heavily, feeling like the weight of the world is on me. “I think I have. I mean ... maybe.” I think about it, slowly realizing that we really haven’t gotten anywhere. I’ve asked and he’s evaded or when he’s wanted to talk, I couldn’t handle it. “He told me when we broke up that he didn’t love me.”
“And we all know that’s not true.”
“Okay.” I can concede on that. I don’t believe it either. “He said he was doing what he had to in order to protect me.”
I see Sierra’s mind working to put the pieces together. I may be a lawyer and good at figuring things out, but Sierra has me beat. She would’ve been an excellent detective.
“Protect you from what?”
“Himself, I guess. I think he believes a lot of his father lives in him.”
She rolls her eyes. “Please, nothing of that asshole is in any of those boys.”
“I agree.”
“Well, then there’s something else. I don’t know what it is or why he’s not telling you, but I don’t believe that, after all the time you were together and planning a life, he suddenly woke up some random day and was like, we’re done.”
I mull that over and try to see it through different eyes. It wasn’t an angle I’d ever looked at before, but maybe something happened that convinced him he needed to walk away from me. I wouldn’t believe for one second that he cheated on me—that type of betrayal isn’t in that man’s blood. Only, it’s the only thing I can think of that would push him to such lengths.
Whatever it was, if it was anything at all, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell me. We had no secrets. My thoughts, my heart, my world was open to him and it was the same way—at least I thought—for him as well. Nothing he could’ve ever said or done would’ve changed how I felt for him.
“Does it really matter?” I ask.
“I don’t know, but it would to me.”
“I guess that’s the point. If he loved me, with his whole heart loved me, then why wouldn’t he come to me with his issue, if there even is one? Why wouldn’t he confide in me and let me help him, like equals?”
Sierra lifts her hands and then lets them fall back to the table. “Far be it for me to try to understand his mind. You would know that better than I would.”
Maybe years ago, but not now. I don’t really know the Declan of today. He’s changed so much and doesn’t laugh as freely or love as openly as he used to. It’s as though a part of him is closed off.
“I’m just saying that, in the end, none of it makes a difference. I’m selling the farm, moving here, and I’m going to have a baby.”
“Yes, but you haven’t sold the farm, moved, or told him about the baby yet,” Sierra points out. Then my sister gives me her smirk that makes me want to choke her.
“You were the one who suggested I sell the farm!”
“And when the hell have you ever listened to me?”
I swear that God made sisters as a punishment for Eve and her stupid apple eating. I never would’ve considered listing the farm if Sierra hadn’t suggested leaving town. “Why are you saying this now?”
Sierra shifts in her seat. “Because I don’t want to see you regret it. Yes,
