If she feels that she needed to stand here and hold my hand, I have no comfort because it’s bad.
“What’s wrong with my baby?” I ask as another volley of tears slide down my face.
“Nothing is wrong with the baby, we just see something here,” the other doctor says while pointing to the screen. “This is your placenta, and there’s a shadow that shouldn’t be there. The baby is measuring a bit small, and I’d like to have you sent for another type of ultrasound that will give me a better view of what’s going on.”
I shake my head, trying to push the tears back. “I don’t understand.”
Natasha squeezes my hand. “I want to send you to Lehigh Valley for a test. I’ll call ahead to the team there.”
“Do I need to be scared?”
“Not at this point. The baby is okay, the heart, lungs, and everything is fine. We think it’s better to err on the side of caution when we find anything abnormal on an ultrasound. Does that make sense?” Her smile is soft, and her words are probably meant to be reassuring, but all I hear is “abnormal.”
Here I thought this was going to be a great day. Declan would’ve come, we would’ve seen our baby, found out the sex, and then maybe started to plan differently.
Instead, I got the notification from Milo that the buyer agreed to move up the closing date, Declan is in New York instead of here with me, and now this.
They help me up to a sitting position because I’m shaking too hard to do it myself. I’ve never felt as vulnerable as I do now.
“Do you have anyone who can drive you?”
I shake my head. “No, I can drive.”
“I’d rather you didn’t. You’re upset, so we’ll call for a ride, okay?”
I want to argue, but there’s really no other options. No one other than Sierra and Declan know. I can’t tell Ellie, not with her being pregnant. I could call Devney, but I can’t even think straight.
“I’ll call my sister and have her meet me there so she can drive me back,” I tell Natasha, who nods.
“I’m going to head over there in about an hour.”
An hour of waiting, wondering, and searching the internet for whatever the possibilities are and how serious this could actually be. I can’t lose this baby.
Not when it might be the only thing I ever have of his that won’t leave me.
The test is done. I’ve only thrown up once since I got here, and I’m now resting in a room. The only comforts I have are that Sierra is on her way and the sound of the baby’s heartbeat is echoing in the room.
At least I know he or she is in there. Living. Heart beating. I still don’t know what they’re looking for, but the two radiologists were very sure they found whatever it was that alerted my doctor.
There’s a soft knock on the door and then Natasha peeks her head in. “Hey.”
“Please don’t keep this from me. Whatever it is, I need to know. I’m freaking the fuck out.”
She sits on the side of the bed and takes my hand. “I don’t want you to freak out. During the first ultrasound, we found the baby was just a bit smaller than we’d like to see with how far along you are. It’s not a huge thing considering all babies grow and develop at slightly different rates, but when we don’t see an appropriate amount of growth between ultrasounds, we check for other possible signs as to why.”
I nod, holding back the urge to be sick again. Tremors wrack my body as I edge closer to the end of my control. “Just say it.”
“It’s called chorioangioma, which is a tumor on your placenta. Sometimes, this happens and they’re small and not an issue, but yours is very large, and ... I’m concerned. With the baby’s decreased size and the location on the placenta being close to the umbilical cord, we need to discuss options.”
The floor drops out beneath me, and I might pass out. I have a tumor, and it could be hurting the baby? “What about the baby?” I ask frantically.
This baby that I never planned for is the only thing that matters. They have to help it. We need to do whatever we can so he or she can grow. Everything is going wrong, and I need to stop it.
“Relax, Sydney.” She tries to soothe me. “I know this is a lot to take in, and I have several colleagues weighing in on this, one at Children’s in Philly. There are options, and once they can assess your condition, and you, they will give you the best course. However, I want you to go immediately. Do you need to call anyone?”
“No, Sierra should be here soon.”
I called her immediately, freaking out and sobbing, and she said she was on her way. It should take her about three hours, but I’ve been here for almost two now. I pray she gets here fast. I need someone to hold my hand and tell me this will be okay.
“Good, do you need to call Declan? I’m assuming he’s ...”
I shake my head. “He is, but Declan didn’t show up or call, so I’m not really inclined to call him until I have more information.”
My hand drops to my stomach where the baby is.
“Okay, then. Do you have any other questions?”
There’s just one. “Do you know if it’s a girl or a boy?”
Natasha’s eyes go soft, and she smiles. “It’s a boy.”
I hold it together until she walks out of the room, but as soon as the door closes, I fall apart and tears stream down my face until I fall asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sydney
“Today? You
