I want to ask her to do all kinds of things like tell him about me. I hope they relay the stories of how much I loved him and how I was willing to die just so he could survive. I want him to know that his mother placed him above all else. I close my eyes, press my hand to my belly, and tell him what’s in my heart.
Whether you know it or not, you came from love. Your father may not make the best choices when he’s scared, but I loved him when you were made. He’s always been a good guy, does the best he can, but sometimes he’s stupid, so please forgive him. His life hasn’t been easy, and he’s made a habit of punishing himself when he feels the slightest bit of happiness. Even if he didn’t choose me, he will never turn you away. I know this in my heart because you will be the best part of him.
You see, you were never planned, but you’re the prayer I never thought would be answered. I will never regret one moment of the time I’ve had loving you. How could I? You are proof that true love exists. You are the miracle that I didn’t know I needed. I hope that this is all for naught. That in a few hours, I’ll be awake and telling you that Mommy did it. I just need you to know that, if I don’t, you are so loved, Deacon.
The doctor enters, goes over the operation again and informs me it’ll be general anesthesia.
I wipe my tears, and Sierra watches me with troubled eyes. “You have to fight, Sydney. For him. For Declan. For me and Mom and everyone else who loves you more than anything. Please promise me.”
She doesn’t have to worry about that. I won’t ever give up. “I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Declan
I call Sydney again, but she doesn’t answer, and I don’t blame her. For the last two days, everything that could’ve gone wrong, has. The paperwork that was supposed to arrive that day didn’t come until this morning. Then there was an accident on the highway that shut it down, preventing me from getting back to Sugarloaf in time.
My fucking phone died, and I didn’t have a charger in the car because I wasn’t supposed to have to stay overnight. Now, I’m on my way to her house prepared to grovel, beg, and pray she forgives me.
I get there, and her car isn’t parked in the drive.
Shit.
I call Ellie, hoping she knows. “Hey, have you heard from Syd?”
“I did earlier. She asked me if I knew where you were.”
Dread fills my limbs, and I stand here, hand on the door handle. “What did you tell her?”
“That you left.”
Fuck. I close my eyes and slam my hand on the hood of the car. “Do you know where she is now?”
“No, is everything okay?”
“I don’t know. If you hear from her let me know.”
There’s no way she should still be at her appointment, but maybe …
I rush into the car and make the twenty-minute drive, all the while waiting and hoping she’ll call me back. This is such a nightmare. I’ve screwed up at every turn and I’m going to grovel for her forgiveness. I could’ve had Milo push the closing back. I could’ve stopped at some store on the way and bought a damn charger. All these things just seemed to have slowed me down. Now, I see what a fool I am.
Nothing should’ve been less important than letting her know I was going to her.
I grip the wheel and then pull into the parking lot.
Thankfully, her car is in the parking lot. Relief fills me as I enter the office. There’s a nurse standing at the desk.
“Hi, I’m here for Sydney Hastings. I’m late, but I see her car here. I’m Declan Arrowood,” I say quickly, not taking a breath. “I’m the ... the father.”
The nurse gives me a soft smile and then tucks her hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, Mr. Arrowood, I see you listed here as to be allowed access into her appointment, but unfortunately, she’s not in the office.”
That doesn’t make any sense.
“But? Her car”—I look out of the big windows and point—“it’s right there. Did she have the appointment? Did someone else come?”
Sydney wouldn’t just leave her car.
“I can’t give you any other information than to tell you she’s not here.”
“Then where is she?”
“Again, I can’t give you any other information.”
“Can I talk to the doctor?”
The nurse looks away and then dials a number. “Dr. Madison, there’s a Mr. Declan Arrowood here inquiring about Ms. Hastings. Would you be able to speak with him?” A pause. “Yes. Okay.” She gives me a look that borders on irritated and disappointed but then points to the door. “I’ll bring you back to see the doctor.”
“Thank you.” And I truly mean it. Maybe the doctor can tell me something that she can’t.
When the door opens, I see a familiar face and thank God for miracles. “Natasha.”
She walks forward, a slightly older version of the girl I’ve known for a very long time. She’s still short, long brown hair, and a smile that tells you she’s still mischievous, even in her very serious profession.
“Declan, it’s good to see you.” She pulls me into a hug.
“Where is Syd? Her car is here, and I’ve been calling her nonstop.”
She puts her hand up. “She gave us the approval to allow you into her appointments, but I can’t disclose her medical information. I just reread the letter she granted, and I can’t tell you anything about the appointment without her present.”
“I’m not asking for that, I’m just asking if you know where she is.”
She lets out a noise that’s a sigh and a grumble. “I know that, and as your friend, I would love to be able to give you that answer, but
