“I was coming.”
“She didn’t know that. Ellie told her you left, and …”
“You all assumed that meant for good.” My track record would prove that to be the case. Now, I could lose her or both of them. I read the letter again, seeing the name. “It’s a boy?”
She nods. “She wants to name him Deacon. I’m assuming that, even as much as you hurt her, she still has faith in you.”
I run my hand over my face and then rest my elbows on my knees before I look over to her. “Faith I don’t deserve.”
“Maybe not, but isn’t that what faith is?”
I look to Sierra, feeling this overwhelming sense of grief. “I hurt her when I was doing everything I could to make her happy.”
Her head tilts to the side. “What exactly were you doing?”
“I bought the farm.”
Her eyes widen, and her lips part in surprise. “Our farm?”
“Yes. I knew she didn’t really want to sell it, so I figured I would buy it, hold it for her, and she could have it back when she realized it was a mistake.”
She leans back in her chair and smiles at me. “You bought our farm.”
“A lot of good it did me. I missed the appointment today because I …” I fall silent, hating that I will have to admit this. I was such a fool, and now, I have to wait to tell her how I feel.
“Because you?” Sierra prompts.
“Because I didn’t fight for her. I let her walk away that night, and I spent the next two days securing the house instead of making sure she knew I loved her and the baby.”
Sierra rubs my back and then sighs. “You know, my sister has loved you for as long as I can remember. She was broken after you left, but she could never fully let you go, no matter how hard I pushed. Sydney doesn’t know what her heart would look like without you holding a piece of it. Love like that doesn’t disappear.”
I hope to God that’s true. “I’ve never stopped loving her.”
“I think she knows that, in her heart at least.”
I shake my head, wishing I could make sure she knew that in her mind too. I failed her in so many ways. I should’ve done so many things differently, and as soon as she wakes up, I plan to tell her all of that.
I think about the child we’re about to have, and how I will do better for him.
I look back at Sierra. “We’re having a boy.”
She smiles softly. “Yeah. You guys are.”
“She’s going to be fine.” There is no other option. They will both pull out of this and then I’ll find a way to explain it to Sydney. The two of us will work it out and be a family.
“Sydney isn’t a quitter.”
“No, she’s not.”
She has to be okay. They both do.
Just then a doctor enters, and Sierra gets to her feet. We both watch for any sign from him, and when his eyes drop to the floor, my heart does as well.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Declan
There are moments in my life that I have felt helpless, but this brings a whole other meaning to that word. When my mother died, I thought my world would end. When my father caused the accident that changed my life, I knew nothing would be the same.
Hearing the doctor try to explain what is happening with Sydney has broken me.
“I don’t understand,” Sierra says as she clutches my arm, tears falling down her face.
“The surgery went well, and the tumor has been removed, but we’re having a hard time waking her from anesthesia. I’m not sure what is going on, but we’re running tests to see what is causing her to stay under.”
My breathing is short, trying to keep myself together and comprehend what the hell is happening. “So, she’s alive?” I ask.
“Yes, she’s alive and breathing on her own, but she isn’t waking or responding.”
“Were there any complications during the surgery?” I push for more clarification. “Can’t she just wake up? Is this normal?”
The doctor shakes his head. “No, it’s not normal, and we didn’t encounter anything we didn’t expect. She lost a little more blood than I would’ve liked, but nothing I was concerned over.”
“What about the baby?” My voice is strained, even to my own ears.
“The baby was monitored the entire time, and he’s doing great. Heart rate is still strong. I don’t want you to panic,” he says quickly. “It could be nothing, but we are keeping an eye on her anyway, and like I said, we are going to run some additional tests to make sure she isn’t having a reaction to the anesthesia. Know that we’re doing everything we can, and we’ll continue to keep her in ICU just so she has continuous care.”
“Can we see her?” Sierra’s voice cracks.
“Just one at a time.”
I turn to Sierra, and she wipes her face. “You should go first, I have to call … family and ... go see her, Dec.”
This can’t be happening. I can’t lose her now. I just got her back. She’ll wake up, she just needs a reason to do it. I follow the doctor back to the room, not saying a word, wishing that, when I walk in there, she’ll be glaring at me and I can fall to my knees and beg her to understand.
I’ll tell her everything, prove to her that I love her and explain that I wasn’t away because I left her but because I wanted to give her something she cherished.
All of this will be cleared up, I know it. It has to because no god is cruel enough to take away the only thing I have left.
Sure, I have my brothers, but they aren’t Sydney.
They aren’t my reason for living.
The glass door to her room slides to the left, and time stops.
All the lies about this not being real prove true.
There she is.
Lying there, unmoving with her eyes closed
