Finally feeling like I can keep something down, we make our way to the front room. I wrap myself in a blanket and curl up on the sofa. Hayley comes in with two cups of tea and sits next to me, she looks so anxious as she grabs the other blanket for herself. “Do the police know?” I ask her, they need to know in case its connected “They know. I made sure to call Detective Sullivan after her visit to you in the hospital, I have a confidentiality agreement in place so that none of my information can be published without my consent. It’s how Reid hasn’t found out all these years” she says quietly “Does she think it is connected?” if he knows where we are, he may come after us. Hayley put him in prison years ago, so he will have a vendetta against her for that, and I’ve made him a wanted man, so that adds me to his list as well. “She isn’t sure, but she’s got a watch on the house. They will find him Becca, and you will put him away just as I did” she says with determination. Blowing the steam off my tea, I try not to let it worry me that he could be out there any moment. I need to speak to the Detective tomorrow, this needs to end.
The worst part about finding out what I know, is not being able to talk to anyone else about it. I know I can talk to Hayley, but I don’t want to jeopardize her recovery. She gives me permission to speak to Abi about it in my sessions, which I know is probably really hard for her, but she knows I need this to recover myself. Trying to act normal in front of Reid that evening is difficult, he can tell something is up. After asking me for the third time if I’m ok, I just try to play it off as a bad day, luckily he believes me and drops it somewhat. He tries to make the evening as normal as possible for me, we order in burgers and watch The Incredible Hulk on Netflix. It feels nice to have just a moment, where we are just a young couple having a nice evening together. Cuddling up on his bed I tell him about my counselling session today “Abi says she has some techniques I can use to handle a panic attack. She’s going to explain some of them tomorrow in our session” I tell him as I rest my head on his chest “When you feel comfortable, can I sit In on one of your sessions? I’d really like to know what I can do to help you as well” he says giving me a squeeze “I’ll speak to her tomorrow about it” It’s a good idea, I know it would help him to know what I need for my recovery. And with him being the one to who brought me back from my panic attack, he should be involved in my sessions. I’m just worried he’s putting too much on himself.
We spend the rest of the evening talking and watching movies and wrapping ourselves in each other. I’m starting to feel like we are really a couple again.
“Brady wants to have a get together for Gavin’s Birthday on Saturday. I said we won’t go, but I wanted to let you know. Knowing Sherri, she’ll be messaging you about it soon” he says the next morning. “I totally forgot it was his birthday this weekend. I want you to go” I tell him, he shouldn’t miss out just because I’m not ready to be around lots of people yet “You’ve been stuck in here with me for weeks now, go and have some fun with our friends” I tell him. He rolls over in bed to face me “I don’t want to leave you here on your own” he says as he stokes my thigh making me shiver “I won’t be on my own, your mum will be here with me. I’ve got loads of reading to catch up on anyway, my kindle is bursting” I say with a smile “I’ll only go for an hour, and if you need me I want you to call or text straight away and I’ll come home” he doesn’t look happy about this, but I can’t keep holding him back. Before the attack, he would be round Brady’s hanging with everyone almost every night, but since then he hasn’t left my side. I need him to go and just be Reid for a while “I promise to text if I need you. Now we need to get up, you’ve got work, and I’ve got Abi over
