“Does this make you feel better? Not doing anything.” His tone is gentle as fabric softener and he kisses my forehead, then kisses my lips. His kiss is filled with love and acceptance, it tastes like rain on a fall day. Cool and wet. Then he kisses every drop of tears cascading down my cheeks.
“I want to shut the world out and be in my bubble.”
“Our bubble.” He corrects me. “I told you before, you don’t have to be strong by yourself, let me help you carry some of the burden for you.”
For the first time in a long time, I feel safe.
Sadie
Two weeks before the tour…
Today, Felix and I are supposed to meet with his father and new girlfriend. Felix doesn’t like her, he thinks that she’s using his dad.
As Felix holds my hand, I follow him to the outside patio and the smell of ribs greets me. His dad wears an apron over leather pants and a white t-shirt. He uses a pair of tongs to flips the ribs over on the grill. I sit in an iron metal chair with a floral cushion. The sun is out and we’re deep, deep, deep, in June so it’s hot as hell out here. The humid air suffocates me.
Fluffy clouds hover in the sky and cover the sun, making it a little dark. The patio is decorated with different colors of flowers and there is a set of tennis racks by the sliding door. Felix stands next to his dad, and his father turns towards me.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you again, Mr. Sawyer,” I say to him. I unfold the napkin, rest it over my lap. I wear my backless red romper with my back out and matching sandals.
“Likewise.” His voice and face are lined with worry. His hands are a little shaky and he eyes me too long before turning back to the grill.
I look around the backyard and notice an oak tree, a basketball court, and tennis court.
”You grew up here?” I ask Felix. He grabs a beer from the cooler that’s next to a planter of red roses.
“Yeah.”
His dad sits across from me and crosses his legs, like a well-educated man. He stares at me as if he’s trying to remember every feature on my face. Then he turns his view to Felix, and Felix plops down in the chair next to me.
His father says to him, “Are you ready to go on tour?”
”I don’t have a choice. My boss will be pissed if I don’t fulfil my contract.” He tilts his beer at me.
“Damn right. I might have to find you a new manager. My dad offered me a job as vice president of the company.”
“Are you going to take it?” Felix asks.
“Yeah. Axel has been on my case about it. He says his job is a bore without me.”
”I’m proud of you, Thumbelina. I really am.”
Then he kisses the side of my temple. His words warm my heart. I haven’t heard those words in a long time. Not from my mom nor my dad.
We chat about life and Mr. Sawyer tells us that he’s moving towards selling commercial buildings, so he can expand his business.
Several moments later, the doorbell rings. Mr. Sawyer gets up from the table and says, “I’ll be right back.”
And Felix yanks me on his lap and he taps my nose.
“How am I going to survive without you on tour?” He nibbles on my ear and I blush.
“We’ll sext and FaceTime each other. I don’t know if I’ll be able to see you during tour since I’m going to be vice president.”
Just before he can respond, his dad walks towards the patio and the woman that’s holding his hand, lingers behind him. When her eyes meet mine, my mouth literally hang opens and I dig my nails into my palms until it stings. My mother smiles at me. “Mother, what the fuck are you doing here?” I get up so fast from the table and before I know it I’m in her face.
She stares at me and then the corners of her mouth wrinkles.
“Are you fucking serious? You’ve been having an affair with Mr. Sawyer?” I scream at the top of my lungs.
“Woah, woah, back the fuck up. Patricia is your mom?” Felix asks in disbelief. He looks between me and her like he sees the resemblance between us.
“I wanted you to have dinner with us. To announce our engagement. We’re getting married,” Mr. Sawyer says, and I shake my head.
Felix stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my shoulder. And I just want to slap the crap out of my mother.
“I knew you were dating Felix, that’s why I’ve been trying to contact you. When your picture was leaked out to media that you were dating, I kept calling, but you never pick up.”
“Why would I? You’ve been a bitch towards me. How long was this affair this time?” I ask sarcastically.
She glances at Mr. Sawyer before answering. “Three years.”
“Three fucking years!” Felix yells and lets me go, standing in front of his dad. Rage fills his muddy eyes and he balls his fists as if he’s about to punch him. “You were balls deep into someone else while mom was still living. Are you fucking serious?”
Mr. Sawyer’s shoulders tense and guilt haunts his face. “Your mother knew. She knew the cancer would kill her, so she encouraged it. She told me to move on with my life and that was her dying wish.”
Anger grows from Felix. He radiates so much anger that I feel it through my bones. “Fuck you, Dad. I don’t give a fuck if she set you up on a blind date, you should have kept your dick in your pants.”
Felix
