“You have no right to…” Glenn snaps only to stammer in shock when she pokes him in his chest.
“No one else has the guts to say it to you.” Anika ignores the noise from the entry as Daisy and Savannah return from shopping. “The Bible says in Peter, 5:8; to ‘be alert and sober-minded, Glenn. The Devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.' Don't let it be you,” she pleads.
“How easy it is for you to say, but have you forgiven Saul yet, Anika? You carry the same fury reflected in me.”
Glenn's anger doesn't scare her, because it is tempered by his fear for her. He touches her bruised cheek, swollen lip. The tears in her eyes add fuel to his fire, and he shouts at her, jerking free of his Father's hand on his arm.
“He was going to hurt you!”
“He wouldn't be the first man to hurt me. No, Glenn, I haven't forgiven him, yet. He took away my innocence, my trust in humanity, but I want to forgive him. I trust God will show me how. Do you?” Anika turns and walks past the shocked faces and stomps to her room.
Glenn storms outside and finds Delaney cowering under a tree near the back porch. “Delaney?” he calls out. Delaney looks up with a tear stained face and his stomach drops. “Everything is okay, sweetie.”
“You yelled at my Mama,” she accuses him.
“I did.” Glenn sits next to her on the ground. “Sometimes when people care about each other they yell.”
Delaney wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her dress and looks up at him. “Mama says love shouldn’t hurt, Mr. Glenn. Did you hurt my Mama?”
Shame fills his soul, and he drops his head for a moment to regain his composure. “I didn't strike your Mother, Delaney. I would never hit either of you.” Delaney stands up and knocks the dirt from her dress. She walks closer to him and taps his shoulder.
Blue eyes meet hazel, “Words hurt too, Mr. Glenn. My Mama’s had enough hurt.” A single tear slips free and tracks down his cheek.
“I know, Delaney. I’ll ask for her forgiveness. Will you forgive me for scaring you?”
She searches his face and finds something that calms her heart. “Yes, Mr. Glenn,” she throws both arms around his shoulders and hugs him tight. Glenn sighs and closes his eyes in shame.
“Thank you, Delaney, you are an extraordinary little girl.”
“I know,” she giggles and runs inside to her Mother.
Glenn stands slowly and walks to his horse. Riding out he prays that God will be as forgiving as this child.
Chapter 23
Pastor Donegal is working on a wooden floorboard on the front step of the church when Glenn rides up on his horse.
“Mr. Ward, your just in time to save me from real work,” he says with a grin.
“Glad to be of service,” Glenn says with a laugh as he dismounts. “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
“Of course.” He drops his hammer and dusts his hands on his denims.
Glenn spins his hat in his hand nervously glancing at the church behind him.
“Let’s walk to the barn and tie up your mount.”
“Thank you.” They make their way slowly to the barn and Glenn clears his throat. “I’ve got a serious problem, Pastor, and I’m hoping you can help me.”
“I’ll do my best.” He shows him where to tie the horse up and waits for Glenn before guiding him from the barn.
“I do some of my best thinking back here. Something about the water soothes my soul. I built this bench just for this purpose.”
Glenn sits nervously on a bench next to the small pond behind the barn and starts to talk. “I almost killed Rhemi Darlington this morning. He attacked Anika in our home.”
“Is she alright?”
“Yes, she’s stronger than most.” His hands ball into fists, “I’m afraid I scared my family.”
“What about yourself?” The Pastor asks softly, “Did you scare yourself?”
“Yes,” his hoarse voice is low with shame. “I thought I’d left it behind me, but it followed me home.” He looks out at the water and frowns.
“What followed you home?” he asks.
“The rage, Pastor. It doesn’t let me rest. I thought the nightmares were done after the war, but since Sue passed, they’ve gotten worse.”
Pastor Donegal stares at him and takes note of his rough condition. Beard, anger, gaunt look, red eyes, trembling hands, and sighs. “I see. Can you tell me about the nightmares?”
Hardened eyes that have seen the unimaginable stare back at him. “I can’t speak of the carnage.”
“War is a nasty business. Tell me what bothered you most about being a soldier.”
“Surviving,” Glenn responds instantly. He glances away, ashamed to finally voice it aloud.
Pastor Donegal closes his eyes in a quick prayer, asking God to guide his words. “Did you enjoy killing?”
Glenn’s eyes snap back to his in anger. “No!”
“Did you keep count of each body? Take pride in the number?” He demands not letting up.
“No,” Glenn jumps up and begins to pace. “Of course not! It was a job. Kill or be killed. Nothing more.”
“After each battle, how did you feel?”
“Relieved, relieved that I survived. I prayed to God to spare my life, and he did, but sometimes the terror was mixed with exhilaration.” Glenn glares at him in defiance. “Does that shock you?”
“Tell me about your last battle?” He demands, ignoring his challenge.
“It was a sea of blood and body parts. My brothers around me were falling. The Cavalry charged first but… they were prepared for us this time. Trenches were dug…” Glenn sits heavily next to the pastor, “I don’t need to close my eyes to relive it.
