“No. You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to come here and act all concerned now, when hours ago you were willing to walk away from this. It’s obvious to me you don’t feel the way I do. If you did, you could’ve never said what you said.”
“Cassi, please,” I try again, but stop when she holds up her hand.
“I don’t want to hear it.” She stops, her voice cracking. “Please, Xavier. Save it. We aren’t in a good place. Either of us. I fell for you hard and I’m kicking myself for it. Not because the way I feel for you is wrong, but because I wasn’t ready for it. You’re not ready for me either. I think we each need to take a breather. Work on ourselves and see where we are after that.”
I step forward, cupping her cheek to catch her falling tears. “Babe, please. I don’t want that.”
She hiccups through a sob. “I don’t either, but what we want and what we need aren’t always the same thing. I care about you deeply, but we have shit we need to sort, otherwise we are going to keep reliving this cycle or not being able to trust each other’s feelings for one another.”
I press my forehead to hers as I feel moisture building behind my own eyes. “We can work through this.”
“If you ever cared about me at all, Avi, I need you to do this for me. Take time and figure out what you want and what you need. Work through your issues with Tinsley that caused these insecurities. Let me work through my leftover issues from Ryan and Jared. Do this for me.”
I whisper, “I know what I need. It’s you.”
Her tears fall harder. “Please.”
“I’d give you anything just to see you smile, babe. Anything.”
Even if it means ripping my heart out.
She leans in, pressing her lips to mine once.
“Goodbye.”
And fuck if I don’t feel like the last nail in my coffin has been placed.
16
Cassi
“How are you doing?”
I didn’t expect to see Jack here. My eyes immediately search the library, begging for a glimpse of Xavier.
“He’s not with me.”
I sigh, but answer his first question. “I’m okay. Really. You don’t need to worry,”
“Good. I’m glad one of you is.” He runs his hand through his hair.
A pang hits my heart. “He’s not well?”
He gives me a sad smile. “He’s going through the motions. Studying and going to class, but he doesn’t really talk to anyone anymore. I even got a call from Tinsley saying that he’s been ignoring her texts.”
I sigh. “I can’t be responsible for his feelings, Jack.”
He nods, a grim look on his face. “You’re right. Sorry. I just hate seeing him like this. Changing the subject, how are your classes going?”
I give him a grateful smile. “Good. I’m getting ready for finals next week. What about you?”
He groans. “Don’t remind me. I should be studying way more than I am. I think I may fail humanities.”
“I could help you study if you want. I have a humanities class too. I’m sure it can’t be too different.”
“I’ve got Owen’s, who do you have?”
“Owen’s. See, we could totally study together. Then maybe you might not fail.”
He chuckles. “You’re too good to me. Fine, we can study together.”
Rolling my eyes, I smile wider. I missed hanging out with the guys.
I miss Xavier.
I push that thought away.
“When are you available to study?” I ask.
“How about tonight? We can meet at the union.”
“Wow, I’ll be honest, I didn’t think you were being serious.”
“I really need the help. Besides, I have a feeling you will keep me focused and make me actually study.”
“Bet your ass I will. Can’t have you failing a class. I can’t be friends with a flunk.” I wink, letting him know I’m teasing.
His hand slaps his heart. “We can’t have that. How would I ever survive without your sunny disposition and smart-ass comments?”
I shrug. “Hey, with me gone, you might actually win a game of darts.”
He gives me a mock glare. “How dare you? You know, back home, I’m the reigning champ at darts.”
“Oh, how cute. You know it doesn’t count if no one else competes, right?”
He reaches out and pinches me. “You’re not being very nice, missy.”
“But you still love me.” I beam up at him.
He pulls me into a side hug. “I do.” Then quieter, he murmurs, “He does too.”
I pretend I don’t hear, but we both know I did.
I pull back, giving him a smile. “So six?”
He sighs, nodding. “Six.”
Xavier
“I saw her today.” I glance up at Jack as he comes back into the room.
“Yeah? How was she?” I don’t bother hiding my desperation.
At first, I tried to hide it, but Jack wouldn’t have it.
He came into the room one day, talking about how my feelings for Cassi must have been fake seeing as I’m was so calm about everything. Then he suggested I go out and find a new booty call.
I had him up against the wall before he could finish his sentence.
Then he laughed.
“There you are. I thought Xavier, the friend I know and love, had been replaced by unfeeling aliens. Now, what are we going to do to get her back?”
That was when I realized not only did I not deserve Cassi, but I don’t deserve Jack either.
He’s a one-of-a-kind friend. He might be the fun of the party, but he would have your back in a heartbeat.
“She’s good, man. She misses you, I think. She didn’t want to talk about you, but she’s good. I’m going to see her tonight.”
I tense up. “What do you mean?”
He shrugs. “She’s going to help me study for humanities. I figured I could find out what she’s been up to while I’m at it.”
I let out the breath I was holding. I shouldn’t have doubted him for even a half a second. He’s a genuine friend.
“Thanks. Keep your hands to yourself,” I add in on a tease.
“It will be hard, but I will. The
