“I think you need a drink darling,” he said, winking an eye at me. I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him. I'd prefer to suffer through my withdrawal than let him near me.
“Don’t worry, I’ll give it to you for free, I have more. I can see you’re struggling, that's all. Please, drink,” he smiled, almost sadly as he held it up for me. I took it quickly and drank the whole thing. Closing my eyes, I felt some of the tension leave my body. I instantly felt more relaxed, almost giddy. I wondered what it was but didn't have time to ask as I saw Cas heading towards me.
“Thank you Mister?” I asked for his name.
“Call me Daddy, Daddy Warbucks, my little Annie,” he laughed. Cas eyed him suspiciously as she joined me at the table.
“Who's your friend?” she asked me.
“That’s my Daddy,” I giggled as I drank my soup. The relief didn’t last long though, before I knew it, I was back to craving a drink again. My shakes returned by nightfall. Relieved to see Lily running into the shelter for us, Cas and I grabbed our rolled up blankets and followed her out into the cold night. The police drove by us. The bar patrons ignored us. I know there wasn't any chance we’d be allowed in, especially looking the way we did. I laughed as Lily spat on the window of a high class restaurant as we ran by.
I had been feeling exhausted all day and that evening, as we walked together, I think it had finally taken its toll. Climbing the metal staircase up to the top floor of an old brick building made my head spin and my legs ache. Cas grabbed my hand as I kept my eyes on Lily’s black and white striped stockings. She smiles as we finally reach the top.
“Come on in,” she said as she opens the window. We slowly crawl through. I’m stunned by the big large room with an old chandelier hanging from the ceiling. A group of people in the far corner are smoking and listening to New Order. Blue Monday rings through the room but I couldn't tell you if it really was Monday or not. There didn’t seem to be as many people here as in the shelter, which I’m happy about. We chose a far corner and began to roll out our blankets. It is dusty but I didn't really care as I curled up on the floor. Cas put my head on her lap and brushed my hair from my face with her fingers.
“Are you okay Scar?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m okay Cas, just really tired,” I mumbled. Lily came over and handed each of us another joint. I couldn't hide my shock. I sat up immediately. Lily lights it for me, watching me closely.
“Thank you Lily, I have been missing this,” I tell her before taking a deep inhale. I'm not sure if I imagined it but the smell and the taste finally seemed the same as the smoke Buddy had given me, stronger even than the one Lily gave me earlier. I inhaled again and a flood of memories invaded my mind. I'm smiling as I close my eyes and inhale again. I can see him grinning as he tilts my chin up to kiss me. I sigh, feeling light headed and happy.
“I’ll sleep better after this,” I whispered to Lily as she laid down beside me. I could almost smell his smoky, musty basement. I pictured the blue carpet underneath me. I curled back into my blanket and just as I began to drift into sleep I heard Lily's voice.
“He misses you Scarlett. You must summon him soon,” I heard her whisper in my ear. My eyes closed and I fell into a deep sleep.
I awoke groggily, feeling Cas poking my ribs. I rubbed my eyes in the darkness, trying to focus on her.
“Scar, get up. Lily has a treat for us,” she ordered. I stood up and put on my docs quickly. I followed them down the metal staircase. Lily began to run as soon as she jumped down to the sidewalk, heading towards a back alley. Cas and I ran behind her, doing our best to keep up. She waves us along once she reaches the back door of an Italian restaurant. We catch up just as she’s untying a big plastic bag. A few other street kids have arrived behind us. Lily pulled out three long French breads and then handed the bag to the others. She gave us each a loaf.
“Wow Lily, thank you. I’m drooling,” I squeal, before taking a bite of the still warm bread. I sink my teeth into the loaf, nothing has ever tasted so good.
“It’s awesome. I've heard the baker has been putting bread out every morning for years, but you gotta be here early. It doesn’t last long,” she said with a mouthful. The three of us just sat on the sidewalk, at five thirty in the morning, enjoying the smell, feel and taste of French bread.
Over the next few weeks my tremors had finally begun to diminish. I guess I had no choice but to sober up. The alcohol wasn’t in supply as much and the drugs weren’t as free. We actually discussed prostitution, but decided that would be a last resort, knowing we never would. We spent our days at the park and in the malls when it was too cold to be outside for long, grabbing our meals from the shelter. Lily introduced us to a few of her friends who offered us
