A few of the guys we hung out with had mohawks which only reminded me of Buddy. I refused to meet any of them alone. I convinced myself I didn’t want love anymore. I didn’t want anyone to touch me again. If I couldn’t have Buddy then I wasn’t going to have anyone else. Cas still flirted in her usual way. I was grateful for it, because it kept the drugs coming.
One evening, as we settled into our blankets Lily told us that she was leaving Toronto. Her mother divorced her step-dad and invited her to join her in California. She had briefly mentioned once that her step-dad used her and her mother as punching bags. The children's aid had been called when she ended up with a broken arm and an infected cut under her eye. They placed her in a home for troubled girls. She said she hated it there. The food sucked and all the girls wanted to do was fight.
“I'm a lover not a fighter,” she joked. “So I just walked out one day and never returned. I kept in touch with my mom though. I usually call her once a month,” she said in between drags of her smoke. I watched her as she blew perfect smoke rings.
“I’m going to LA, the city of angels,” she cried as she hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her, wishing she wasn’t going. She had the most amazing survival skills. I loved having her around, she kept me busy, keeping my waking thoughts away from Buddy.
Later that night I felt someone breathing close to me. I opened my eyes and saw Lily watching me. She smiled as she placed a bracelet on my wrist. I was about to speak when she placed her finger to her lips, signaling for me to be quiet. I followed her gaze to Cas. I looked back to her, still watching me as she seemed to be chanting. I couldn't understand her words, it sounded as though she spoke a different language. She winked at me then went back to her blankets. I tried to see the details of the bracelet in the street light that shone through the dusty window. It looked like a gold rope. I sighed as I laid back down, feeling warm and fuzzy all of a sudden. I felt calm and free of my anxiety, finally able to sleep.
The next morning Cas and I walked with her down to the bus station. We shared a ‘bon voyage smoke’ as Lily called it. I cried as she said goodbye to us.
“Hey, don’t cry Scarlett Rayne, I’m so happy we met on this adventure called life. We just have to go separate ways now, just like you and Cas will have to. Soon I hope,” she warned, looking into my eyes.
“There is someplace you are meant to be, there is someone incredibly important waiting for you. You will have to make the choice to go to him before it is too late,” she whispered into my ear as she brushed my hair from my face. I looked into her dark eyes as she kissed me. It was brief but sweet. I’ve never been kissed by a girl before. I was surprised by her kiss and her intuition. I’ve never really talked about Buddy with her but Cas has told me that I tend to cry his name in my sleep. I reached for her again, hugging her tightly to me. She kissed my cheek then turned to Cas, giving her a hug. She waved before boarding her bus to Los Angeles. Cas and I stayed until the bus pulled out of the station.
“We should go to California,” Cas pouted as we made our way back to the shelter.
At the lunch table one of the counselors sat down beside me. He hands me a business card.
“You should think about going here. I’ve been told they have a few beds open. I think it’ll be a good transition place for you,” he told me. I looked up at him and smiled.
“Thank you,” I said as I glanced down at the card. He placed his hand on my shoulder as he stood.
“You’re a pretty young girl, I hope you can get your life back on track before it’s too late,” he whispered before walking away. That's the second time in one day that I have been told to make a decision before it's too late. It just seems like all the decisions I've made since meeting Buddy have been the wrong ones. Once he’s gone I walk over to Cas.
“Pack your shit, we’re leaving ASAP,” I tell her. I grab my backpack, check for my journal then stuff my clothes in it. Once we're on the subway I hand Cas the card.
“They have beds there. I need a bed,” I explain, feeling exhausted. Maybe if I can get a good night's sleep I can make some better decisions.
CHAPTER FIVE
Cas and I walked into the shelter and asked if we could stay. “I was told by Ric down at the Evergreen that we should come here,” I said. She nods, as she places a form in front of each of us.
“Just fill these out and we’ll get you settled. I’ll go over the rules too. Just so you know it’s a requirement here to have a few tests done. I’ll look up your health numbers,” she informs us.
“What kind of tests?” I ask her. I haven’t seen a doctor in years.
“The usual, STD's, Aids, pregnancy,” she mumbled. I haven’t had my period for about five months, but I think I’d know if I was pregnant by now.
She grabbed two pairs of flannel pajamas, the smallest she could find
