I must be blind because this is the first time I’ve seen how badly Landen wants a father-figure in his life. Though I try to push the emotions threatening to overtake me back down my throat, I’m struggling with this sudden revelation. Now I know exactly how Rod felt when he realized how different his family could’ve been all these years they’ve been on their own.
“Of course we want you to sit with us.” Rod slides us over to one side and pulls Landen to sit beside him.
Tracy catches my attention when her hand flies up to cover her mouth and her eyes pop out of her head. But when she visibly fights against the unshed tears in her eyes, I lose my breath. The temptation to look at what’s happening behind me is too much to resist.
Stupidly, I turn in Rod’s arms to catch a quick glimpse of my son.
Rod has an arm wrapped protectively around my little man.
Landen is snuggled next to Rod, with his head lying against the side of Rod’s chest. Pure delight radiates from his face. He’s relaxed and carefree, sheltered and protected, as a child should be.
Guilt begins to build in my chest until I’m sure the weight of it will crush me. I’ve deprived my son of the male bonding he’s needed because I couldn’t overcome my past. When I swore off men more than seven years ago, I thought I was protecting him. Maybe I was only protecting myself and using him as an excuse.
I turn back around, squeeze my eyes shut, and try to rein in my emotions by controlling my breathing. My heart pounds against the inside of my chest and my hands shake.
“Landen, we need to talk, man to man.”
“Okay.”
“What do you think about your mom being my girlfriend? Is that okay with you?” Rod sounds as though he truly cares about Landen’s opinion.
“I guess so. What about me?” His voice sounds so small and unsure all of a sudden.
“We’d never leave you out, little buddy. Your mom and I may go on dates alone sometimes, but you can stay with Louise and Isa until we get home. Other times, all of us will spend time together. Does that work?”
“That. Sounds. Awesome. Have you already asked her to be your girlfriend? My friend, Alec, asked this girl in our class to be his girlfriend. He passed a note across the room to her and everything. But she checked the ‘no’ box.”
“I was actually just asking her before you came over here, but I thought I’d better get your approval first. As long as I have your okay, I’ll ask her now.”
“Ask her.” Landen may think he’s whispering, but he’s not. At all. “She could say no, though. But don’t feel bad. It happens to a lot of guys.”
“Daisy, Landen, and I have been talking. We’ve come up with the best idea anyone has ever had in the history of brilliant thoughts. Will you join our super exclusive club of awesomeness… as my girlfriend?”
Landen chuckles behind me, wiggling in his seat from his excitement. “We have our own club. You should join us, Mom.”
“Check yes or no, Daisy.” Rod playfully taunts, earning more snickering from Landen.
How can I resist such an alluring offer?
“Yes, I’ll join your super exclusive club of awesomeness.”
“As my girlfriend?” Rod prods.
“As your girlfriend.” I nod and squeeze my eyes shut.
This hole under my feet is just getting deeper and deeper, and I’m the one holding the shovel.
When I open my eyes, I’m mortified to find my entire family is watching us intently, with their mouths hung open and their eyes wide. Mom wipes tears from her eyes as Dad wraps his arm around her with a huge grin on his face. Tracy’s eyebrows draw downward, her fingers cover her lips, and her eyes wordlessly ask if I’m sure about this. Kevin slowly nods in approval and has a satisfied smirk on his face.
They’re all happy for me in their own way, for their own reasons.
But none of them know my full story.
Not even one.
CHAPTER SIX
Daisy
“You haven’t told him yet, have you?” Tracy ambushes me in the kitchen as I’m getting more ice for our outdoor gathering.
“No, of course not. I’ve got whiplash from his mood swings and how quickly he changes his mind about us. I haven’t told him anything yet because I’m trying to get a read on how he’ll react. But he surprised me with the whole popping-the-girlfriend-question plot twist. He even used my son as ammunition against me. He only did that so I couldn’t say no.” I empty the ice bin into the large bowl and set the automatic ice maker to make more.
“I have to give him points for that move. Rod included Landen because he accepts your son as part of the package. You wouldn’t want him any other way.”
“Tell me what to do, Tracy, because I really don’t know what my next step should be. Between Rod, Juliana, Landen, and now this baby, I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“Selfishly, I want you to have it. You know I love spoiling Landen, especially on his birthday and Christmas. But I’m not the one who has to deal with everything else that comes along with having that little bundle of joy.”
“I know you love showering him with gifts. You spoil him more than I do. Landen reminds me to give you his wish list frequently. You’re a wonderful aunt, Tracy. Even if you do wreak havoc on my life sometimes.”
“And you, my friend, always put everyone else first, sacrificing your needs because you think you’re being selfish if you have wishes for yourself. Forget about everyone else—Rod, Juliana, me. There’s only one question you have to answer. What does Daisy really want?”
I abruptly stop and raise my eyes to meet Tracy’s.
What do I want?
Her eyes drop to my belly and a smile crosses her face before
