All the thoughts exhausted me. And yet, peace filled me.
I shampooed my hair and dried it before the fire. Lowri brushed it smooth for me.
I was where I wanted to be. I could celebrate the steps forward in my life. I could even face Kelyn and Kenrik. My jaw twinged as I hoped they’d moved on. Was the discomfort from thinking about Kelyn’s caresses? I unclenched my teeth, but the tightness remained. While massaging my jaw, Kenrik’s tortured cries accosted me again. Would I always hear him crying my name?
“Are you all right, my lady?” Lowri asked.
“Huh?” I was still rubbing my cheek. “Oh yes. I’m fine.”
I turned my thoughts to Owein. I should find him. I hadn’t searched for his light in ages. What part of the country would he be in during the winter? He’d probably be south on a warm beach. Not being experienced with winter, I couldn’t imagine good trapping while most of the animals were hibernating.
Despite my distressing past, this world did feel like my home—with friends I thought of fondly. Friends I could visit. When Seren returned, I’d visit Kelyn and Kenrik and make sure things were set right between them. And make sure Kelyn didn’t resent my exit. I regretted not saying goodbye to him.
“Thank you, Lowri.” I patted my braids. She had experimented with a few coils around my crown. I was delighted with the result. “I’m going into the city, as usual.”
“All right, my lady. I’ll be with you shortly. Just a few things to finish up.”
I opened my door and stepped into the hallway.
Caedryn was leaning against the wall, grinning. “I enjoyed your bath.”
My bath? “Oh, no! You fiend!”
“Your hair does look rather lovely, doesn’t it?”
“You listened to my thoughts?”
Caedryn chuckled and reached for me. “I’m going to try something, but I’m nervous. Hold still.” He wrapped his arms around me—stiffly. “You smell good.”
His heart sped up against my chest.
“You shouldn’t have listened to my bath or my thoughts during my bath!”
One of his fingers wound a lock of my hair behind my back. His embrace softened, only slightly. “I’m behaving, I swear! I couldn’t help myself. I especially enjoyed how ticklish you are between your toes.”
“You didn’t!”
“You do know how serious a bond is, right?”
“Of course. I just didn’t think you’d take advantage of it so soon and so readily. What impish ideas are in your head?” Embarrassment stirred inside me.
“None, I assure you. I do have one question.”
“What?”
“Should I be jealous?”
I shoved out of his arms. “You. You!”
“I thought you should know how free your thoughts are.”
“Why should it matter if we’ve bonded? Don’t you want to hear my free thoughts?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I actually love it. I haven’t been in the mind of a woman before.”
As Caedryn tried to pull me back into his embrace, I realized I didn’t hear anything inside his head. “You’re still not opening up to me!”
“I will do so slowly. It’s hard. I don’t want to overwhelm you at once.”
“Oh, and my simpleminded thoughts as a woman don’t overwhelm you?”
“I’d say I’m not overwhelmed. No. Not at all.”
I huffed. “I might not be as intellectual as you are, or have such deep-seated thoughts and as tormented a past as you, but I can assure you I’m not simpleminded.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“I will see you tonight. I have work to do.”
“As do I, Niawen dearest. As do I.”
He watched me walk away. He let me feel his sigh.
I glared at him as I turned a corner.
Pleasure—that’s all I felt in return. His allowance did not please me. I could have discerned that without a bond.
I’ll show you pleasure. I had a nicely devious plan.
FIFTY-SEVEN
The Forlorn. I picked up the scandalous novel I’d read before. Caedryn was in a meeting, discussing the winter stores. Because of my healing abilities, many of the sick had not died over the past month. Rations were being adjusted accordingly.
Such odd good tidings to discuss. The city needed more food. We were well out of danger of starvation, but the report amused me regardless. People were living. Great, I started a population increase.
I settled onto a cozy chaise, thrilled Caedryn shared bits of his duties with me. Some safe things. The small glimpses were a good first step.
I flipped to the novel’s page where I had folded down the corner.
Her skin was the color of the milk she had squeezed into the bucket. As I reached for the handle, a groan swelled inside me. I longed to embrace Carys. She didn’t know the effect she had on me. She thanked me for the help as we strolled across the yard, with her hips swaying and her skirts swishing. The sounds they made were whispers. Yes, Aderyn, yes. Soon, Aderyn, soon.
How they teased me.
I was mad to consider taking her in my arms…
The book was ripped from my hands.
I jumped up, startled to death. “Caedryn!”
He flung the book into the fire, and the flames engulfed the dried-out paper.
“This is not the least bit amusing!” His face was flushed, his eyes, rounded.
“You were in a meeting,” I whispered.
“How could I focus on a meeting with you reading that novel? Don’t make me ache for you more than I already do! Don’t tantalize me with thoughts of your porcelain flesh. I’d drink you if I could, Niawen. By the stars in the firmament, I would!”
He stormed out of the room just as he had come.
FIFTY-EIGHT
“Come here, Niawen.”
I didn’t move past the doorway to our bedchamber.
