“Oh, no. No.”
“You must understand. I can’t ask you to make any further commitments with me if you don’t see this next one.”
I tilted my face to his. His brows were crooked with worry. His eyes were sorrowful. He didn’t like showing me his nightmares one bit, but he wanted me to understand.
“Promise me that after I show you this memory, you’ll let me explain,” he said. “Don’t run from me. Don’t cower.”
“Show me.” I tucked into his chest and shut my eyes as I saw through Caedryn’s mind once more…
She shouldn’t have reached for me. I should have left her to deal with her grief alone. Too late I realized we were in each other’s arms. I brushed Empress Rhianu’s red hair back, looking into her deeply brown eyes, trying to understand her need.
“Make me forget,” she whispered.
I didn’t hesitate. My lips dropped onto hers—her plump, pursed lips. I never wanted to taste anything else. Let her be my sole sustenance for eternity. Please. Nothing else.
Apparently my kiss unchained a hungry demon. The empress clawed at me with ferocity, ripping and pulling at my clothing.
And without meaning for a kiss to progress in such a heated fashion, I found myself at her mercy.
I was powerless.
As I met her advances, a blistering drive tore through me. I wanted her to consume me. We would consume each other until nothing remained. Not even the dust of the earth.
I had to either draw back or allow my inner dragon to emerge.
I had no control.
She took my control and shredded it into pieces that fit through a needle’s eye.
A beast was born.
A demon and beast devouring the flesh of one another…
More than just the one encounter accosted me. Each intimate detail Caedryn showed me was graphic. Desperate. His love was never slow or purposeful. It was a fury. Explosive. Overwhelming. And the more Caedryn and the empress joined in their fury, the more he was never satisfied. He couldn’t stop. He could not stop thinking about her every waking second.
He was obsessed.
Possessed.
By her.
I didn’t react. I wouldn’t react. I steadied my breathing. Whereas I had cried for Neifion and the trauma he and Caedryn experienced—to the point that my eyes were still swollen and my nose congested—I purposely numbed myself to the images Caedryn had shown me of himself and the empress.
I should have been disgusted that he revealed his indiscretions to me. Intimacy between two people shouldn’t be shared with others. What I wanted to understand was why these caused nightmares.
Because he once loved her.
Once gave himself to her.
And he was forced to live them over and over.
I brought myself to the present before my thoughts became carried away. My cheek rested against Caedryn’s chest. The thump thump drove into me. I splayed my palm on his warm and solid chest. I pressed my finger pads into the muscle. This was real. Caedryn was real. He bore no marks of a tussle. No bloody scratches. Whenever the empress drove a fingernail down his skin, Caedryn howled—with pleasure. He bit her in return.
I took a deep breath.
A sick passion. Not just violent. Sick.
Ways I should have reacted coursed through my head. Push away. Run. Yell. Cry.
Caedryn took a deep breath. His long fingers combed my hair. While he studied my hair and my forehead, I studied his chin. Smooth lines. No hair. Fine pores. Beautiful.
We were both too petrified to speak.
I don’t know how long we sat together on the bed, with the blankets swirling around us and the canopy seeming to wave in and out with my inhales and exhales, as if it’d come crashing down on us. The room was moving. Vibrating with my spirit’s inner tornado.
His fingers traced my jawline. “I swear to you I will never react with you as I did with her, never abuse you as I did her. Do you believe me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you understand why I showed you?”
I nodded.
“Before I open my mind to you, you must know the basis for my thoughts, for the patterns they’re stuck in. I still might think these things. I might think them about you, but I swear—”
“I know. I’m not going to run from you.”
“I wish I could blame my forcefulness on my darkness, but that’s an excuse. I own my actions. I know what I became. There’s a hidden animal side to our makeup as emrys, as dragon riders. But we can control it.”
“Perhaps it’s our light that gives us the control.” The idea was hope to me. “As a Dark Emrys, the empress didn’t have light. She triggered, even amplified, your darkness. You’ll be safe with me, Caedryn. I know it.”
“Niawen. I—you can’t imagine. I want to be yours forever.”
My heart lodged itself in my throat, and I couldn’t speak. This is so soon. So soon. I sat up and pulled his hands off.
“I know,” he whispered. “I know. But I’m ready to love you—always.”
I reached for his hand and wove my fingers between his as I closed my eyes. I imagined how it’d feel to access touch like this anytime I wanted. I imagined what his fingers would be like on my skin. I imagined his peaceful dreams, his nights without anguish because he spent them in my arms.
I imagined my heart healing because I was loved for me. Caedryn didn’t care if I was marred. Caedryn didn’t care where I came from or what I had done. I felt hope in these thoughts.
Hope in this person, this emrys I could share every joy, every sorrow, every change of life and new season.
Without warning, Caedryn grunted.
I opened my eyes and dropped his hand. I nearly evaporated. What did
