With the strength of a miniature sun, his light—in its entirety—hovered in front of me in a compact orb the size of his palm.
I had never seen this before. The bonding of two souls happened in private, with a small party consisting of parents and the High Emrys and her mate.
“Niawen,” he rasped. “This is more excruciating than you might think, holding one’s light in the palm of one’s hand. I feel empty. Make me whole. Say you will bond with me for eternity. Unite our light.”
My mouth gaped open. I couldn’t let him sit like that for long. His other hand clutched at his chest, over his heart.
“I want to say yes. You make me insane. You make me want you and need you and crave you all at the same time, but we have to be more than that.”
Caedryn inhaled shakily. “I give you my heart, my mind, my soul. I give you every part of me in every way. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Say you will too. Please. I’ve shown you my torments. Lay this one to rest.”
“This is rash.”
“No, this is right.”
I touched my chest. I tugged slightly, testing. My light willingly responded to me. “What happens once I pull my light out?”
“They join together. As one. Then they divide into two and reenter us. We’ll have a part of each other. Inseparable.”
I knew the general concept. Once light mixed, deciphering a distinct origin, dividing the energies, was impossible. Like two colors of paint swirling together to make a new color. The union was permanent.
“Niawen, please, my love.”
My light filled my hands. Purple light. Vibrating light. An ashy covering dimmed the color’s purity.
“Why can I see the shroud over my light while yours is pure? Where’s your darkness?”
“My darkness is a separate entity. The light in my heart pushes the darkness away, but they don’t touch. Right now my heart-center swirls with the dark matter because of the space the light has left. It’s agonizing. I need to return my light, or the darkness will crush me.”
“Caedryn!”
“Niawen, you can restore me. Join our light.”
My hand moved closer to Caedryn’s. Our lights stretched toward each other, as if drawn to each other, as if two opposite poles were attracted to one another.
“They want to join,” he said.
I cried out in a defeated whimper. I felt the pull. My purple light jumped together with Caedryn’s greenish-yellow one. The orb swirled between us, growing larger, spinning until the color became pure white. Flecks of gray drifted into the sky like ash from a roaring campfire.
“What is it?” I asked.
“They’re healing. Together they’re pure. Your stain is gone. Are you ready?”
My eyes widened. There’s nothing she can do to erase the stain on her heart-center. My father was wrong. I could be healed. I could return home to Gorlassar. My father would have to let me enter.
Even as this peace filled me, I felt a greater contentment. I was where I needed to be. My home was on Bryn—the mortal world. I loved the people.
“Yes.” I spoke with surety.
As we embraced, the light between us sank into our hearts—half inside me and half inside Caedryn. The light broke apart into our own bodies, making me gasp. I exhaled in a rush when the brand-new orb, unblemished, settled into my heart-center.
I felt him—his love for me—his need for me. I no longer had to dive with my light.
I stared at him with my mouth open. I shut it into a slight part, knowing I didn’t have to say a word to convey how I felt.
Caedryn was already breathing heavily. “This is indescribable. I did not anticipate these feelings. By the Creator’s might, my lovely Niawen. I’m hyperaware of your body next to mine. Your breath as it whispers in and out. I feel the pulse in your neck. The electricity under your skin as you respond to my roving eyes. I haven’t even touched you yet. You feel me, do you not? You feel the pull?”
“Yes, oh, yes.”
He leaned toward me until I sank onto our bed. He hovered over me, searching my face, smiling with such happiness his eyes glowed. “I’m saying this only once, and I won’t mention her again. With our bond, our intimacy will be nothing like what it was with her. Nothing. You are all new to me. You’re my wife, whom I feel as a part of me. I think we will understand how to please each other exactly.”
I traced the contours of his chest muscles, so nervous I couldn’t speak.
“Speaking will be unnecessary. Don’t fret. The full gravity of what we’ve done will sink in by morning. And I for one will never regret it.”
He inched his hand up my thigh, and I squirmed. “I’m ticklish there.”
“All right.” He laughed. “We shall not start there.”
He stifled my giggles with a very steady, very solid kiss.
FIFTY-NINE
A week of blinding bliss. We didn’t hide ourselves away from the world as we wanted to because duty demanded us, but each moment of the day was blanketed with the sighs, the contentment, every inhale and exhale, every vibration signaling the other was alive and we lived for each other.
I was overwhelmed. I was delirious.
I know I healed my patients.
I know I stepped one foot in front of the other as I danced through the snow.
Somehow I ate.
Somehow I breathed.
My skin tickled when Caedryn thought of me. My face flushed when he whispered through my mind.
I was tense throughout the day until I finally lay in his arms at night.
No one, and I mean no one, ever described bonding the way I was experiencing it. They kept it sacred. Only the two people involved shared the details of their
