—Anne
May 13, 2012
The Distance Between Us
It’s amazing to me that three days before my visit to see my mom, she asked me each time that I called when would I be coming to visit. I knew in my heart that embedded somewhere in her memory she knew that I was coming to see her. Mom and I for the last two weeks had been counting backwards till I would be arriving at her home. She sounded vibrant and filled with much life and excitement. Even if I were imagining all of this, it did not matter, for I could feel in my heart and soul the same joy as I waited for my plane to take off.
My visit to her house several days before Mother’s Day left me with different emotions. While I was with her, I felt much love, mixed with some pain and frustration. On a very upbeat note, my mom was doing wonderfully. At moments when she refused to brush her teeth or get dressed, I had to remind myself that her yelling at me that she was not a child was frustrating to both of us. I laughed, I cried, and the love I felt towards her touched me deeply.
I witnessed her as she danced and shared the same story over and over again with my dear friend Alana, who came to visit us. Mom was especially vibrant. Alana described her as “both beautiful and spunky,” this being the first time they ever met.
The following morning when Mom awoke, I was lying on the floor while I did my daily exercises. The day before Mom assisted me as I had her count to one hundred while I performed my Pilates moves. With much enthusiasm that morning, Mom was so excited to see me. She immediately joined in and started to count to one hundred. As I lay on the towel, she spoke these words: “Seeing your face and having you here are both very comforting to me.” I melted from her sentimental words.
As I stood up to continue my routine, she then asked, “Who is your mother?” With amazement I looked at her and said, “Mom, you are my mother, and I love you deeply.” Mom replied, “I love you also.” I then asked her my name. After her calling me Lisa for two days, at least a thousand times she said, “It’s on the tip of my tongue, although at this second I cannot remember it.” “Mom,” I said, “my name is Lisa.”
After my return to New York, I shared with my husband that my mom was filled with moments where she was so lucid, and then there were the other moments that seemed to come and go. Yet I felt quite grateful on how well she seemed to be doing. I guess I got lucky this trip, because there have been other visits when my mom’s Alzheimer’s seemed to take control.
The next morning she sounded so excited to hear from me. I shared that I missed her counting for me as I exercised. Mom replied, “It’s funny how you get used to doing something.” “I guess so, Mom, although I really do miss you.” As our phone call came to an end, she did once again ask, “When will I see you?” I thought to myself that
I had just left, yet I answer with, “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.” Mom then uttered the words, “That’s great, because you know that I love seeing you.”
As of this moment, it is not the fact that my mom has Alzheimer’s that upsets me, it’s that I live so far away and do not have the opportunity to go and see her each day. Could it be that I miss her so much because today is Mother’s Day? No, I know the answer to that. It is the fact that whatever day or time, the distance between us still remains the same.
COMMENTS
Thanks for sharing your story. It’s heartwarming to read of your love and compassion. The ability to appreciate the moment is a gift and to not get totally frustrated at times is a blessing. From an early onset Lewy body dementia patient.
—Anonymous
You expressed the frustrations of Alzheimer’s so beautifully in your conclusion. It’s true. No matter how close or far away you are to your dear loved one, there will always be that distance. My best to you as you cope with this devastating illness.
—Bethany
What an awesome story! Agreed that the sentiment was shared beautifully. We wish you love, patience, and hope. Thank you so much for sharing such an honest and heartwarming story.
—Maureen
Lisa,
Thank you so much for sharing your journey, I found out about your blog just now, and it offers the hope and courage my family and I need at present. My grandmother will be moving into a nursing home this week. My mom and I (her caregiver) found out today that a room has just become available. It is logically the right decision and it’s been discussed for a while, but it still feels devastating. She’s been with us ever since I can remember. Reading your stories gives me so much hope. Thank you again, with much love and gratitude.
—Margaret
May 28, 2012
So Sweet and Tender
Since my last visit my mom has been asking me almost every day when I will be coming to see
