My mom and dad met when they were very young. Mom was eighteen years old when they married. Dad was only twenty one when he shipped out to serve his country. At that time mom was also pregnant with my brother.
On October 25 this year, they would have celebrated their seventieth anniversary together. My dad passed away seventeen years ago. He suffered for nine long months, while my mom traveled each and every day to see him.
I wonder how difficult it would have been for him, if he had lived, and how he would now be experiencing my mom as she drifts away. My brother and I are the only immediate family she has left.
Alzheimer’s disease I believe effects the caregivers even more. We are the ones that watch how this disease destroys lives, as our loved ones lose their memory and slowly disappear. We feel the pain that they may not even realize exists.
The sounds of joy that my mom can still express are, for me, what makes me smile. She fills my heart with much joy. Every day that she still knows who I am is truly a gift to me. Mom has been so courageous, and today as always she will remain my hero.
COMMENTS
God bless your dear mom. Cherish those shiny moments you have with your mom. I don’t think there is enough awareness for caregivers. They work so hard, especially husbands, wives, or other family members or partners who are caregivers. They are so very important. They don’t seem to get any recognition for the good work they do for people with Alzheimer’s.
—Ashley
Very poignant blog, Lisa. It is so hard to come to grips with the realization that one’s mom may someday not know us anymore. It is a profound loss of a relationship that once was, and all loss is hard to deal with, especially one that is tied so closely with our earliest memories of who we are. It’s as if we lose one of the “mirrors” in our life that serve to validate us or help us to stay grounded.
—Long Island Alzheimer’s Foundation
Oh Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your mum’s story. It’s beautifully written and touched my heart. My mum and dad were married fifty-five years and passed away within six months of each other in 2011. They both ended up losing their lives to Alzheimer’s. People said to me that they couldn’t live without each other. That is something I keep in my heart, that they are together again as it should be. Take care.
—Jeannie
Hello Lisa:
My name is Mary. I am from Peru. My mother got Alzheimer’s. She takes medicines like Aricept 10 mg. Quetiapine and Melatonine for sleep. Today I realized that the disease progresses. I am too sad, afraid. The next week I will take her to the doctor to check the treatment. I want to know what is the treatment your mom has. What activities does your mom do every day that keep her entertained. Kisses from Peru.
—Mary
October 19, 2012
Mom Really Melts My Heart
Mom and I now continuously say to each other how much we love one another. It was not always like this. It makes me wonder why when I was growing up did I not feel all this love and warmth from her? Nor did I return it. I was certainly Daddy’s little girl.
I am not saying that I did not know she loved me. What I am saying is the warmth and nurturing that I felt as a child was coming from my dad, not my mom. Was it me? Was it her? Or was it both of us? My dad showed me lots of love and showered me with much affection. Could my mom had been in a crazy way jealous of our loving relationship? This I will never know or understand, and it no longer has any significance to me.
Today, and since my mom has Alzheimer’s, the love we share is for me unspeakable. My mom had a good week, which left us with some amazing conversations. Every phone call ended with her asking me when I would be coming to see her. Mom would say that we have a good relationship, and the truth was, and I quote her, because she loved me more than anything in the world. She so sweetly added in that I was the best in the world, and the greatest there is.
All these words of affection and love melted my heart. It was all so magical. These are words that I can never forget. Alzheimer’s has left her with no memory, yet when she still is present, she constantly shares all her love with me. Could she be making up for all the years that this was not shared ? Maybe, and certainly, yes for me.
Are we like a mirror reflecting back and forth to each other our images of love? The simple things in life that I might have once taken for granted now shine through. The words we speak each day, unless Mom is having a bad day, are filled with the brightest of sunshine. Her laugh, her smiles, her kisses now are everything to me.
At the end of each phone call, I always ask her to throw me kisses. I have shared with her that without her kisses my day would not be complete. As our last phone call came to an end, she said, “If you want your kisses, then why don’t you come over, and I’ll give you real kisses?” I smiled to myself knowing that I would be seeing her in six weeks, and for today she was having an exceptionally good day.
I hold so dear to my heart all our bright days, never knowing when they may fade away. Instead of thinking about the long goodbye,
