“An abortion?”
“Maybe. It’s all such a mess. He’s not himself and he doesn’t talk to me. I don’t know how to help him. Frankie, his mum, tells me it’s just how the men in the club get. Club life can be brutal for them and I should just be there for him. I try, I really do. Maybe I’m not cut out for club life. I’m not good enough or strong enough to be someone's old lady, especially not the president.”
“You’re stronger than you realize,” says Eleanor. “You chose to leave two men and put you and your children first. That takes strength. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
RIGGS
I sit on the wall, waiting patiently for Anna. She’s been in there over an hour and I wonder what the fuck they found to talk about. When she finally surfaces, I see she’s been crying. I jump off the wall and head for my bike. When she doesn’t follow, I narrow my eyes. “Thought you wanted to come to the solicitor’s?”
“Let’s leave that for now,” she mutters.
“I think we should go, at least get the ball rolling,” I say. She eventually nods and gets on the bike.
The solicitor is blunt. He gives us some advice but tells us we need separate solicitors, that he can’t advise us both because it’s a conflict of interests. We leave feeling deflated and we’re both quiet. I check my watch. “I have an appointment. I don’t have time to take you home. I’ll get you a cab,” I say.
“No, it’s fine. I’m going to see my friend and then I’m meeting your mum with the kids.”
I nod and kiss her on the forehead. It’s a natural thing to do and it feels bittersweet. “Thanks for coming today. Are you seeing her again?”
Anna shrugs. “I don’t know.” She begins to walk away and then turns back to face me. “Reggie has written to me. I know you hate secrets and I feel like it’s something I should tell you.”
“How long has he been writing? What does he want?”
“Six letters over the last few weeks. I haven’t opened them.”
I nod stiffly. “I’ll collect the letters later.” I watch her walk away. That fucker’s got a nerve after what he did to Anna. My blood boils knowing he’s got her new address. That means he has contacts watching her.
By the time I get to the hospital, I’m raging. Before, if I felt like this, I’d fuck. It was the only way to bring me down and stop my path of self-destruction. Now, I can’t even do that.
The radiation therapist shakes my hand. We’re becoming friends, if that’s possible, as these sessions have been taking place almost every day for the last few months. We do the usual shit, an MRI and then treatment. Then I head to the restroom. Sometimes I leave straight away, but today, I want to see if Cal’s around. I met him at the start of my journey. He was already three weeks into treatment and we got to chatting on one of my first visits. He hadn’t told anyone in his family either, so we kind of formed a friendship based on supporting each other and keeping a huge secret.
He isn’t in the restroom, but I take a seat anyway to wait for him. He sometimes arrives a little later than me. I have my head resting back and my eyes closed when I hear the sound of her laughter. My heart skips a beat. Fuck, I’m even hearing her in my daydreams. I laugh to myself, but when I open my eyes, there’s Anna, staring at me with wide eyes. A second later, Cal comes in, grinning when he spots me.
“Brother, how was it today? I had that hot nurse, but it was brutal,” he says, patting my shoulder and seating himself next to me. “At one point, I . . .” he trails off when he sees me and Anna staring at each other. A female standing with Anna gently takes her by the arm, startling her. She shakes her head, like she’s clearing a bad dream, and follows the woman without another word.
“Who was that hot piece of ass?” asks Cal.
“My wife,” I mutter, watching the two women leave the room.
I don’t bother going to Anna’s to collect Reggie’s letters. I can’t face the questions and I’m exhausted. Proton therapy causes me some serious fatigue. Raven spots me making my way through the club and follows me until we get upstairs. “How was it?” she asks.
“Anna was there,” I mutter, and her eyes bug out of her head.
I open my bedroom door and she follows me in. “Shit. Did you tell her?”
I shake my head. “She walked away before I could. She was there with someone, a woman. I think we were both too shocked.”
“You have to tell her, Riggs.”
“I have one more fucking session. Why the fuck was she there?” I growl, slamming my hand against the wall.
Raven sighs, grabbing my hand and examining the cuts left from where I punched the wall. “Get some rest. You look terrible. We’ll come up with a plan. And stop punching shit, it won’t help.”
I shake my head. “I ain’t telling her. If she asks, I’ll refuse to tell her.”
“That’s a dumb idea,” mutters Raven. “You tried that with me, remember? Anna knows you better than me, so she’ll work it out, if she hasn’t already. And maybe,” she pauses, “maybe this happened for a reason. It’s a shove in the right direction. Now is your chance to open up and tell her everything.”
I lie down. In the beginning, I didn’t tell Anna because we were dealing with the pregnancy thing. Then it became too hard to talk. Eventually, I decided to keep it
